My Babe Recording In Boston
Matt's band "Bunnies" is recording in Boston at Camp Street Studios...
(CLICK BELOW to see a photo of them at the studio, notice in the picture Matt's t-shirt. He is wearing his "Birdie's Papa" t-shirt!!! YEah Birdie's Papa!!!)
http://www.campstreetstudios.com
Their recording a full length in 5 days! Roger Miller is producing, YES!!! THE Roger Miller from Mission of Burma. Last night Roger played piano on a song that Bunnies wrote about our sweet little Birdie. The song is called "Baby Space Bird". I only ever heard a rough draft recording and it was beautiful, I can't wait to here what is sounds like now.
I miss my Matt.
Rock on Bunnies!
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
Capturing a Short Life
I have just seen information about this film posted HERE. It feels really important, so I am reposting about the film here. I think that I might try to get to Rhode Island to see it.
It seems both tragic and sad, but also good that someone has taken the time to document on film for a mass audience this subject of loss. Something that so many choose to turn away and hide from. That then we grieving parents who never stop loving or missing our babies are at times quieted by not wanting to make this person or that person uncomfortable. Not always of course are we quiet, but I have to admit that there have been moments when I choose not to say anything...
May this film break the silence.
Combining verité and interview footage with still photography, Capturing A Short Loss is a poignant documentary detailing the stories of four families who are dealing with the loss of a newborn baby. It portrays, in a sensitive, intimate and cinematic manner, the emotional, medical and ethical choices that parents are often faced with when they are told that their baby is incompatible with life. Although this subject matter is impossibly sad, the lives and relationships that evolve, even in this context, are not.
Few people are aware that in North America every year, tens of thousands of families are having to say goodbye to children they’ve only just met and millions more lose babies to miscarriage or stillbirth.
When a baby dies, it is not only an infant that is lost, but a toddler, a child, a teenager and an adult. An entire life, an entire future, disappears. There will be no first birthdays, no first steps, no first report cards, no first loves…instead there is an intense, impossible, few moments to say hello and goodbye.
This is not a film about death, it is, rather, a story about how critical it is to remember and celebrate the lives of these beautiful babies who are only with us for a moment, and how impossible it is to forget them.
CASL est un documentaire intime et cinématique qui combine vérité, entretiens et photographies, et racontent l’histoire de quatre familles qui vivent la perte imminente d’un nouveau-né. Sensible et intime, le film explore les choix émotionnels, médicaux et éthiques auxquels sont confrontés les parents lorsqu’ils doivent faire face au fait que leur bébé est incompatible avec la vie. Même si le sujet est impossiblement triste, les vies et les relations qui en découlent ne le sont pas. Ceci n’est pas un film sur la mort, mais plutôt, un rappel de combien il est important de se souvenir et de célébrer les vies de ces superbes bébés qui n’auront été avec nous que pour quelques instants, et combien il est impossible des les oublier.
The film is going to be screened at the Rhode Island International Film Festival on Wednesday August 6th at 5:00pm at the Columbus Theatre Arts Centre.
I have just seen information about this film posted HERE. It feels really important, so I am reposting about the film here. I think that I might try to get to Rhode Island to see it.
It seems both tragic and sad, but also good that someone has taken the time to document on film for a mass audience this subject of loss. Something that so many choose to turn away and hide from. That then we grieving parents who never stop loving or missing our babies are at times quieted by not wanting to make this person or that person uncomfortable. Not always of course are we quiet, but I have to admit that there have been moments when I choose not to say anything...
May this film break the silence.
Combining verité and interview footage with still photography, Capturing A Short Loss is a poignant documentary detailing the stories of four families who are dealing with the loss of a newborn baby. It portrays, in a sensitive, intimate and cinematic manner, the emotional, medical and ethical choices that parents are often faced with when they are told that their baby is incompatible with life. Although this subject matter is impossibly sad, the lives and relationships that evolve, even in this context, are not.
Few people are aware that in North America every year, tens of thousands of families are having to say goodbye to children they’ve only just met and millions more lose babies to miscarriage or stillbirth.
When a baby dies, it is not only an infant that is lost, but a toddler, a child, a teenager and an adult. An entire life, an entire future, disappears. There will be no first birthdays, no first steps, no first report cards, no first loves…instead there is an intense, impossible, few moments to say hello and goodbye.
This is not a film about death, it is, rather, a story about how critical it is to remember and celebrate the lives of these beautiful babies who are only with us for a moment, and how impossible it is to forget them.
CASL est un documentaire intime et cinématique qui combine vérité, entretiens et photographies, et racontent l’histoire de quatre familles qui vivent la perte imminente d’un nouveau-né. Sensible et intime, le film explore les choix émotionnels, médicaux et éthiques auxquels sont confrontés les parents lorsqu’ils doivent faire face au fait que leur bébé est incompatible avec la vie. Même si le sujet est impossiblement triste, les vies et les relations qui en découlent ne le sont pas. Ceci n’est pas un film sur la mort, mais plutôt, un rappel de combien il est important de se souvenir et de célébrer les vies de ces superbes bébés qui n’auront été avec nous que pour quelques instants, et combien il est impossible des les oublier.
The film is going to be screened at the Rhode Island International Film Festival on Wednesday August 6th at 5:00pm at the Columbus Theatre Arts Centre.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
In Loving Memory
Our dear sweet doctor has suffered the loss of her sweet little daughter. Her little girl was stillborn on July 14. My heart is shattered for her and her family. She was 20 weeks pregnant, and this is the second child she has lost. Matt and I noticed her baby pooch at our CNM visit in June, and at our appointment last week we were told of her loss. After seeing the obituary just a few minutes ago, I had to honor her child here and write about this tragic loss. I want to reach out to her, but I am not sure how right now. There is a chance we will see her next week, I will know what to do when I see her...hold out my arms and my heart to her.
Oh sweet little baby Virginia, may you have found Birdie out there in the universe.
Our dear sweet doctor has suffered the loss of her sweet little daughter. Her little girl was stillborn on July 14. My heart is shattered for her and her family. She was 20 weeks pregnant, and this is the second child she has lost. Matt and I noticed her baby pooch at our CNM visit in June, and at our appointment last week we were told of her loss. After seeing the obituary just a few minutes ago, I had to honor her child here and write about this tragic loss. I want to reach out to her, but I am not sure how right now. There is a chance we will see her next week, I will know what to do when I see her...hold out my arms and my heart to her.
Oh sweet little baby Virginia, may you have found Birdie out there in the universe.
26 Weeks and 6 Days
Some belly photos, almost too late but here they are anyways.
and...a poem.
and the winter wind
And the winter wind did not blow.
The snow did not fall.
The coldest winter nite turned only silent.
The icy road held fate in it’s hands…
That road, it showed no mercy, and gave
no hope.
We could not know that the ending of all
roads was near.
Then suddenly all at once a bitter sting was cast
and felt for miles.
That that once was precious and held a
steady beat was no more, only still.
Tears turned to ice and hearts once warm
with hope became dark and thickened with woe.
Our little winter bird whose breathe could
not be saved, our little winter bird had flown away.
Some belly photos, almost too late but here they are anyways.
and...a poem.
and the winter wind
And the winter wind did not blow.
The snow did not fall.
The coldest winter nite turned only silent.
The icy road held fate in it’s hands…
That road, it showed no mercy, and gave
no hope.
We could not know that the ending of all
roads was near.
Then suddenly all at once a bitter sting was cast
and felt for miles.
That that once was precious and held a
steady beat was no more, only still.
Tears turned to ice and hearts once warm
with hope became dark and thickened with woe.
Our little winter bird whose breathe could
not be saved, our little winter bird had flown away.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
I Have So Much To Say...
I have so much to say lately, it's just that I have become distracted with my job and I am working on applying to THIS. I have had trouble tracking down a gallery to even submit my photos to. Either the galleries are way out of my league, or they are dumb crafty galleries. Plus, it doesn't help that I am modest about my photography and I hate to be pushy with people just to show my work. What I mean is that there are artists out there who walk the walk, and talk the talk really well and thus they show A LOT! Even though I am not that kind of person or artist I will keep looking for a gallery(s). With that said, applying to have my photos published in book form feels like the right thing to do, not that it will actually happen, but I have to try. At least I will know that more people will be exposed to what happened to Birdie, and see for themselves the look of tragedy, heartbreak and intense grief upon our faces. I hope to use these photographs as a tool for "social change".
In addition to submitting 40 photographs I also have to submit an artists statement and a biography. Again, writing is not my strong suit so I have been stalling on this. Well, kind of stalling. I do have my artists statement done, and a friend of mine who applied for a Fullbright a few years ago (she is an incredible writer) is assisting me to make it a stronger statement. The bio I am not so sure about. I am going to need a lot of help with that one. I have until September 5th to get this all together and sent in, it will all work out in the end. If anything, I will be able to say that Mary Ellen Mark saw my work and read my statement.
I know that I have asked this before, but does anyone who reads this blog know anyone who runs a gallery? Or can you recommend to me a person that you might know that could assist me in getting these photos shown? Maybe it's lame of me to ask, I figure it can't hurt. Or maybe you are a babylost mama who has also made work about your loss. It would be very powerful to have a group showing of work that has come from such a tragic place.
I have so much to say lately, it's just that I have become distracted with my job and I am working on applying to THIS. I have had trouble tracking down a gallery to even submit my photos to. Either the galleries are way out of my league, or they are dumb crafty galleries. Plus, it doesn't help that I am modest about my photography and I hate to be pushy with people just to show my work. What I mean is that there are artists out there who walk the walk, and talk the talk really well and thus they show A LOT! Even though I am not that kind of person or artist I will keep looking for a gallery(s). With that said, applying to have my photos published in book form feels like the right thing to do, not that it will actually happen, but I have to try. At least I will know that more people will be exposed to what happened to Birdie, and see for themselves the look of tragedy, heartbreak and intense grief upon our faces. I hope to use these photographs as a tool for "social change".
In addition to submitting 40 photographs I also have to submit an artists statement and a biography. Again, writing is not my strong suit so I have been stalling on this. Well, kind of stalling. I do have my artists statement done, and a friend of mine who applied for a Fullbright a few years ago (she is an incredible writer) is assisting me to make it a stronger statement. The bio I am not so sure about. I am going to need a lot of help with that one. I have until September 5th to get this all together and sent in, it will all work out in the end. If anything, I will be able to say that Mary Ellen Mark saw my work and read my statement.
I know that I have asked this before, but does anyone who reads this blog know anyone who runs a gallery? Or can you recommend to me a person that you might know that could assist me in getting these photos shown? Maybe it's lame of me to ask, I figure it can't hurt. Or maybe you are a babylost mama who has also made work about your loss. It would be very powerful to have a group showing of work that has come from such a tragic place.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
One HOT Pregnancy
I have never really been the biggest fan of the summer months, I have always preferred cooler weather as it makes it so much more possible to be outside! It seems to me that the summer weather used to be at least more mild and tolerable when I was growing up. Now, it's just disgusting and over-the-top HOT! Now, add being pregnant into the mix and it's EVEN MORE HOT! This is not a complaint. I just don't care for the summer anymore.
That being said, me and Macy have been stuck indoors a lot these days. Though most mornings I try to make an effort to take her for at least an early morning walk before it's too hot for both of us. For those of you who don't know, hot summer weather is dangerous for boxers as they have a much smaller snout than most other breeds making it harder to breath and cool down. Although, sometimes when Macy is sunning herself on the back porch in the am she forgets that she is hot and I have to coax her to come inside to cool down.
So, things are still going OK and I am feeling good. My thyroid is under control and I am working out at least 3 days a week to hopefully help myself to not gain TOO much weight. I know that I should not be concerned about this, but I did get a little lazy about working out when I was pregnant with Birdie. Besides it makes me feel really good and energized when I do take the time to excercise. I will probably get to a point as I did when I was pregnant with Birdie that I get to large to use the eliptical machine and weights...and swimming will be my cardio. Well see about that with this baby though. I am also wanting to go back to pre-natal yoga, however I feel a little mixed about going to a class where most likely I will be the only babylost mama. Given the chance that the instructor or someone in the class will ask me if this is my first baby, what do I say? I find it really hard to not just tell people when they ask, no, this is my second pregnancy, my first baby died while I was in labor with her. It's so hard for me to hold back because I would feel that I am not being fair to Birdie or myself hiding her away from others and the truth.
Being nearly 25 weeks pregnant now, I am feeling a good deal of movement and it's so incredibly adorable and reasuring. I was not going to buy a kick counter to help me to keep track of this babies movements, but yesterday I broke down and bought a BabyKick counter. In the months after Birdie died, and I was questioning EVERYTHING I came across this counter and the website and told myself that if and when I did become pregnant again I would splurge on the counter. I did not do kick counting with Birdie, so this time I AM!
I have also started to look into Hynobirth, yes I am allowing myself to go there at this point. Maybe I am naive to allow myself to think that I could get to that point, that there will actually be a labor that will result in a live child this time...but I am thinking about it and if I do get to the point I want to try to be much more relaxed this time. We did take a Hynobirth class when we were pregnant with Birdie, but I felt a little dissapointed with it. So, this time I am just thinking about buying a Hypnobirth "kit" like this one: Hypbirth. The only thing about it is that it's kind of expensive, so I will have to see if I can actually buy it. I have been trying to find it "used" on Amazon, so far no luck with that.
I hope that my optimism with this pregnancy isn't too hard for some of you to read about. I just can't allow myself to dwell on that what if's of pregnancy, don't get me wrong they are ALWAYS with me but I just don't think it's healthy for me to give too much energy to them. I am trying to just live in the moment, and take this pregnancy day-by-day, with a so far so good attitude.
So, for today things are good.
I have never really been the biggest fan of the summer months, I have always preferred cooler weather as it makes it so much more possible to be outside! It seems to me that the summer weather used to be at least more mild and tolerable when I was growing up. Now, it's just disgusting and over-the-top HOT! Now, add being pregnant into the mix and it's EVEN MORE HOT! This is not a complaint. I just don't care for the summer anymore.
That being said, me and Macy have been stuck indoors a lot these days. Though most mornings I try to make an effort to take her for at least an early morning walk before it's too hot for both of us. For those of you who don't know, hot summer weather is dangerous for boxers as they have a much smaller snout than most other breeds making it harder to breath and cool down. Although, sometimes when Macy is sunning herself on the back porch in the am she forgets that she is hot and I have to coax her to come inside to cool down.
So, things are still going OK and I am feeling good. My thyroid is under control and I am working out at least 3 days a week to hopefully help myself to not gain TOO much weight. I know that I should not be concerned about this, but I did get a little lazy about working out when I was pregnant with Birdie. Besides it makes me feel really good and energized when I do take the time to excercise. I will probably get to a point as I did when I was pregnant with Birdie that I get to large to use the eliptical machine and weights...and swimming will be my cardio. Well see about that with this baby though. I am also wanting to go back to pre-natal yoga, however I feel a little mixed about going to a class where most likely I will be the only babylost mama. Given the chance that the instructor or someone in the class will ask me if this is my first baby, what do I say? I find it really hard to not just tell people when they ask, no, this is my second pregnancy, my first baby died while I was in labor with her. It's so hard for me to hold back because I would feel that I am not being fair to Birdie or myself hiding her away from others and the truth.
Being nearly 25 weeks pregnant now, I am feeling a good deal of movement and it's so incredibly adorable and reasuring. I was not going to buy a kick counter to help me to keep track of this babies movements, but yesterday I broke down and bought a BabyKick counter. In the months after Birdie died, and I was questioning EVERYTHING I came across this counter and the website and told myself that if and when I did become pregnant again I would splurge on the counter. I did not do kick counting with Birdie, so this time I AM!
I have also started to look into Hynobirth, yes I am allowing myself to go there at this point. Maybe I am naive to allow myself to think that I could get to that point, that there will actually be a labor that will result in a live child this time...but I am thinking about it and if I do get to the point I want to try to be much more relaxed this time. We did take a Hynobirth class when we were pregnant with Birdie, but I felt a little dissapointed with it. So, this time I am just thinking about buying a Hypnobirth "kit" like this one: Hypbirth. The only thing about it is that it's kind of expensive, so I will have to see if I can actually buy it. I have been trying to find it "used" on Amazon, so far no luck with that.
I hope that my optimism with this pregnancy isn't too hard for some of you to read about. I just can't allow myself to dwell on that what if's of pregnancy, don't get me wrong they are ALWAYS with me but I just don't think it's healthy for me to give too much energy to them. I am trying to just live in the moment, and take this pregnancy day-by-day, with a so far so good attitude.
So, for today things are good.
Monday, July 07, 2008
Home From Milwaukee...
We have been home for nearly a week now. I have a lot to say but mostly want to show you what we found on our back porch shortly after we arrived home last monday.
The poor little sparrow had flown into one of the back windows and fell upon the porch. There was a little bit of blood around it's mouth, not fully dried, so it was obvious that the little bird had not been dead all that long. It was so heartbreaking to hold the sweet little bird that had probably been a frequent eater at our bird feeder. We buried the little bird in Birdie's garden. (i have more photos but can't get them to upload)
We have been home for nearly a week now. I have a lot to say but mostly want to show you what we found on our back porch shortly after we arrived home last monday.
The poor little sparrow had flown into one of the back windows and fell upon the porch. There was a little bit of blood around it's mouth, not fully dried, so it was obvious that the little bird had not been dead all that long. It was so heartbreaking to hold the sweet little bird that had probably been a frequent eater at our bird feeder. We buried the little bird in Birdie's garden. (i have more photos but can't get them to upload)
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