28 Weeks 3 Days







He is growing! He weighed in at 17 lbs last week! Holdyn is doing great! We were both a little under the weather for about a week (stuffy/coughy), but we are good as new now! What can I say, there is SO much to say, Holdyn is just so incredible to hang out with and observe, and smooch and hug! We are having a lot of fun together...and the love grows more and more everyday.

Thank you to everyone who donated to our March of Dimes walk! Your so very super and generous! I will have photos from our walk very soon!

March of Dimes Walk

This is a last call my friends....tomorrow is our local March of Dimes walk!
I haven't met my goal of raising $200! Can spare $5 dollars?

Can ya help a sista out? =)



THANK YOU!

I'm Da Mama, Fo Shizzle!

OK, enough! I am squashing this stupid shit right now! No more being Ms. Insecure Mama Pants!!!!

Holdyn is MY SON and I will not let anyone walk on my parenting skillz. I assure all my doubters that he is going to turn out just fine thank you very much. He will be a very self assured, independant, creative, kind, compassionate, empathetic, curious and loving little man. (So doubters, keep your comments and eye rolls to yourself, OK? Thanks.)

Just you wait and see!!!

He's just a baby man! He's my baby and I will do what I please!

So, all the negative shit I am gonna just SSSSSSSQQQQQQQAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSHHH right here right now.

(thank you ladies for your very, very inspiring words of support! - thank you Carol, for the extra added boost, it's always so helpful to talk to you!!!)

Later.

Honesty & Support

I have always been very open and honest with my writings here on this blog. Open about my grief and my process, open about my feelings about Birdies death and how she died. All of it, everything.

I can't help that I am an open hearted person. I am not shy about my emotions and feelings about Birdie, I am not shy about much of anything here. Yes, there are many readers of this blog, some of whom have perhaps never commented, but stop by to check in from time to time. So, it seems that I express my feeling about death and life to complete strangers, for the most part this is true. There have been so many things on my mind as of late that I really want to be able to write about here, because of the larger "support" that I find through my readers.

Lately I have been feeling self-conscious and insecure about the way that I am choosing to parent, by instinct. As you might have read the post I wrote about this (that I have since deleted), and in it I gave a "name" to the "choice" of parenting style as "Attachment Parenting". To be honest I really am not at all fond of putting a label to my parenting choice(s). However, sometimes I feel that as a direct result of many very personal hurdles, emotional turmoil, emotional baggage, lack of self-confidence etc. left over from childhood etc. etc. that I sometimes for some people need to put a label to how I parent, to the choices that I make. Or do I?

It's so hard for me not to write completely honestly about what I am REALLY trying to say here.

-Yes, I am self-conscious (and I am not usually a self-concious person)
-Yes, I struggle very much with my confidence, mostly when I am around others who I am uncertain of how they perceive me (again, I am not usually this way, I am usually very self assured)
-Yes, I am probably over-reacting (yet more baggage from childhood)
-Yes, I just wish that I could let go and just not worry so damn much!!!

It's so damn hard though. It's not like anyone besides a few close people to us tell us what a great job we are doing with Holdyn. Nor do many people say how kind and loving it is that we "wear" him...

"While principles of attachment parenting encourage parents to trust their own instincts, many lack confidence and feel the need to rely on science to validate and substantiate what they already know on an intuitive level, if only to quiet the doubts of family and friends."

That quote rings so very true for me...

I really, really do not like feeling this way. It is unfair to myself, and it's unfair to Holdyn when we are around others, because I can feel that I treat him a little differently (I am more shy to respond to him). I know that it's ridiculous!

I guess what I mean to say, to GET OUT here in this post is that I am disappointed by the lack of support we receive for parenting like we do, trusting our instincts and intuition, really listening and responding to what our children need.

VS.

The incredible amount of support that we received after Birdie died. The support we felt was endless, it was so beautiful and kind.


Where has it gone?

Homebirth Deaths In Sydney Australia

A dear reader of this blog sent along this article (which I have also posted below) to me. I don't really have words right now, just sadness for these families and compassion for the babies who may very well have lived if it had not been for you know what.


"AT least four babies have died during home births in Sydney in the past nine months, including the daughter of one of Australia's most vocal advocates for hospital-free deliveries."

Janet Fraser, national convener of Joyous Birth, which encourages women to shun hospitals, is dealing with the death of her own baby during a water birth at her Croydon Park home.

Ms Fraser went into labour at home assisted only by her partner and a female friend when things went horribly wrong.

Editorial: Why hospital horrors bring birth risks home

Health officials yesterday warned the lives of more babies and their mothers were at risk as women increasingly turned their backs on the state's beleaguered public hospitals.

Westmead Hospital director of women's health Dr Andrew Pesce said he was aware of at least four deaths and another four homebirth babies who sustained possible brain damage since last July.

Dr Pesce said the tragedies showed it was time to reform maternity services to attract back women who have become refugees from the hospital system.

Tragic case: Mum in mourning

Dr Pesce said it was time the increased risks of home birth were acknowledged and addressed.

"There are one or two extra deaths per 1000 deliveries and I wish people would acknowledge that," Dr Pesce said.

"It's often presented as if there are no downsides to a home birth only up sides."

He said obstetricians and the health system had to take some responsibility and try to attract women back to the hospital system.

"In the hospital system we need to get our act together rather than make them refugees of the system," Dr Pesce said.

Australian College of Midwives president Professor Pat Brodie said more was urgently needed to be done to avoid future tragedies.

"We are very concerned about a maternity care system that is so abhorrent that women choose to do this (give birth without a midwife),'' Professor Brodie said.

She said the maternity services system needed to be re-organised so women were assigned to a single midwife who they knew and trusted and who could provide continuity of care throughout their pregnancy.

Dr Pesce said that getting continuity of care for pregnant women into the public hospital system was essential and might attract back some women who chose a home birth.

Home births in Australia represent just 0.25 per cent of all births.

Of the 277,436 babies born in 2006, just 708 were home births.

The majority of the home births are done with the assistance of a midwife.

Dr Pesce said women were free to choose the manner in which they gave birth and doctors could not intervene, even if the health of the baby was at risk.

While doctors could get a court order to deliver treatment to a baby after it was born, they needed the permission of the mother if they wanted to carry out a caesarean.

A maternity services review commissioned by the Government called for a major overhaul of the system in February.

The review wants a greater role for midwives in the system.

Health Minister Nicola Roxon has yet to respond to the report.


This article speaks to exactly what I have been saying...things can and DO go horribly wrong during labor. It is so unfair and unfortunate that these babies weren't even given a chance. Spare me the "babies die in hospitals line", it's a tired sputtering of words. Not only has this article shed light on these unnecessary deaths of 4 innocent babies, it has also shed light on babies born at home that have sustained possible brain damage.

My heart goes out to these families. I am so sorry you have to experience this terrible grief, I am so sorry your babies are not with you.


"It's often presented as if there are no downsides to a home birth only up sides."

Yes. Yes there are downsides. The downside is death and mourning.

6 Months With A Beautiful Blessing, Holdyn.

Today is Holdyn's 6 month birthday. I am in love, I am in love I am in love!!! I am in love and in awe of all he has taught me so far. Oh how the love bursts and overflows from my heart to his.




Happy 6 months baby boy!

Nearly 6 Months...

Where oh where has the time gone?





The days have slipped by that have brought us here to the eve of Holdyn's 6 month birthday! Though they have slipped by, they have not gone by without deep thought and attention. Everyday since Holdyn was born we have made it a point to take not even a second with him for granted. He has experiences nothing but loving kindness and compassion. He has been either in my arms (or sling), Matt's arms (or sling) or another family members arms at all times (except for about 5-10 mins in the am when I wash my face and brush my teeth).

I am so proud to say that Holdyn is continuing to thrive, he is so healthy and such a happy baby. He smiles, he laughs, he giggles, he rolls onto his back, he rolls onto his tummy, he sits up, he loves to stand up (supported), loves to play, loves to be tickled, loves his doggie, loves "Brown Bear Brown Bear, What Do You See", loves being sung to, loves to be talked to, loves my stainless steel water bottle, loves being outside...

I can go on. There are so many things that bring Holdyn joy.

He is amazing, so smart and he is so calm and content. I am addicted to my little man and I LOVE IT! He brings such light to my heart, such deep love and devotion. He is a healer. Like his sister, he is a little Buddha, full of joy and love, wonder and innocence.

His personality is already so joyful, gentle and curious, this makes me so happy. All I have ever wanted for him is happiness and a curiosity for life, it is amazing to watch his personality blossom!

Holdyn, you bring me so much happiness and healing. Never could I have known such love, such genuine enormous love had it not been for your sister.

I LOVE YOU baby Holdyn, my Holdyn.