Happy One Month to my Darling Birdie
Birdie my sweet baby girl. Today would be your one month birthday. I cannot believe that you have been gone 4 weeks now, but you have. I wonder what we would be doing together if you were here? Would you be sleeping in my arms, or Papa's? Would you be laying in bed with me and nursing? Or maybe we would be sitting outside together watching the birds in the yard? These are some of the things that I had hoped for for us, and they can never come to be. My sweet baby girl I hope that you are happy wherever you have gone. I can't help but think that maybe you will be reborn as a Buddha, a beautiful sentient Buddha sitting on the most beautiful lotus flower in a most beautiful and magical place. I am still crying for you Birdie, as I write this I am crying for you. Your so missed my love, even though we can feel you with us always.
But sometimes looking at all the pictures of you make it so hard not to cry. You are such a beautiful baby...our beautiful baby. I am overwhelmed by your beauty, and that me and Papa could create such beauty. How can I not cry for such a thing. They are tears of sadness but also happiness for your pureness. I love you so much Birdie, I hope that you can feel it! I love you and I am always thinking of you.
Love, Mama
6 comments:
I think of you and Birdie often, and you're right, she is so beautiful...
hoping you and matt are finding moments of peace.
Erin, I think of you, Matt and Birdie often. I pray that your beautiful Birdie is at peace and that you and Matt can find peace as well. The love that you and Matt share is truly being tested. I pray that your strength, love and compassion for each other continues. Love, Karen
Erin, I've been thinking of you and Birdie often. Your post about going to Boston and hearing beautiful music sounds so strong and affirming. I hope you are doing well. I wish it wasn't like this for you. xClare
Your mantle looks absolutely gorgeous. Brought tears to my eyes to see the photos you have, her urn, the candle, everything...
I've read your story and my heart just aches for you. I can't believe there would even be a debate over the homebirth non homebirth being an issue here. With my first, his heartrate dropped really low and I was given oxygen and everything worked out fine. It is so hard to understand why some things happen and why they don't.
I hate that you have no answers
I too have many questions without answers. Our daughter had the cord wrapped around her foot, but babies apparently do this all the time and they are fine. But in her case, she wasn't. So many things that I cannot begin to understand. I have much hope for you. Sending much love your way!
-jenn
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