THANK YOU to all of you who have been posting comments about the death of our sweet little Birdie. We don't know many of you personally, but that does not lessen the true sorrow, caring and support that you have extended to us.

Thank you so much, with lots of love. Erin & Matt

I don't even know where to start to tell you all how this all came to be. We had a beautiful 24 hours of labor at home (there are photos below that my husband took), Birdie's heartbeat was strong throughout the whole 24 hours, our midwives would check her heartrate every 15-20 mins. It was at around 2:30 am I think that they checked her heart rate and it had gone down to around 80 beats per minute...this was obviously dangerous. So Tanya, one of our midwives called the backup hospital/midwives/birthcenter to let them know that we were being transported (we live 3 mins from the hospital).
Matt quickly helped me get dressed and we left with haste, though it was very cold and icy on the roads. When we were let into the hospital side entrance we headed quickly for the Birth Center, the nurses were waiting for us. They showed us to our room, began to strap a Fetal Heart Monitor to by belly, then began to listen for Birdies heart, they turned me on both sides to see if her heart rate would increase, it didn't. They then gave me an IV and oxygen. They were preparing my for an emergency C-Section. I could not believe all that was happening, it was certainly a bad dream. All the while I felt like I was
still somehow able to keep calm, breathing slowly for my little baby girl....trying to help her stay with me, with us. I was quickly wheeled into the OR (and Matt could not come in with me) and I had to then get onto the operating table, a small
skinny hard surface. Next I was prepped for anastesia, shortly after....I began to choke and could not breathe, I was looking up and I could see everything going white...still choking and trying to reach my neck to tell everyone I could not breathe.
I was terrified and I thought I was dying.....though I could hear everything around me, people yelling my name...finally I started to breathe, as I was being bagged...air rushed to me. From what I have been told I was immediately given anastesia and the surgoen began the C Section, it was 3 minutes of surgery and Birdie was born at 3:34 am on Saturday March 3rd. When I woke up, I saw and heard the nurse and one of our backup midwives crying, and I felt something was terribly wrong. Then I saw my husband Matt, he said "Birdie didn't make it", I did not believe him. I wanted to scream! I felt such immediate absolute love for my baby girl and yet such deep hurting, it ached and still aches in my bones. My body felt and immediate longing for my darling little baby, my daughter Birdie. The midwife them quickly went to another room to get Birdie and bring her to us. She was amazingly and stunningly beautiful. She is amazingly and stunningly beautiful....somehow as the 3 days we got to spend with her came and went it was (and still is) her presence and radiant loveliness that has made her death maybe not as hard to bare. Her father say's she was and is too beautiful for this world. There is more to our story, but I just can't write any more right now.

Here are some lovely photos of my 24 labor at home, and Birdie with her Papa.....