So we are 5 months away from Birdie. I cannot believe that 5 months has simply just slipped on by...that life has continued, that the earth has still been turning on it's axis.
For a very long time it sure did not feel like the world was moving forward. We were at a stand still, with a shrowd of heavy heavy pain and excrutiating sorrow.
Only now I can say that the world does feel like it is moving forward...and we have begun to move with it. We are not "moving on" or forgetting our baby girl, no NOT AT ALL, she moves forward with us.
A month or so ago I was in a very very dark place, my body and mind felt so heavy. It felt really scary to be in that place, but yet I felt that I needed to be there and I needed to be able to wallow there for a little bit. I knew that at some point I would come out of it. Well, now I think that I have moved through the darkest hours and I am coming up for air. I'm not treading on my tears like I was, and hope has surfaced. DH and I have definately done a lot of hard grief work these last months...we had to, we have no other choice. We have had to be strong, we have had to get through the darkness and find ourselves again. We had to do it for Birdie, for ourselves and for our future. We know that our grief work is not done, but that maybe the hardest of it for now is past?
In the next few days I am going to post Birdie's story again as I revised it slightly and added more details, and this time I will post it with photos. I feel glad? to be able to share Birdie's story with more people (via The Alt3rnative B1rth Anth0logy), people who would not otherwise know about her. Her story and our experience feels too important not to share it.
As I was looking through all our photos and trying to decide what one's to submit with her Birth story to TABA I felt like I needed to share them again with you. I think that some of them are one's that I had not shared as of yet.
Every time I look at our photos of Birdie I am absolutely struck by her beauty. I just cannot believe how gorgeous she is, I gush and tear up. Wow, what a lovely baby she is, and we made her....we made her.
11 comments:
She is just so beautiful! I also want to thank you for sharing your story with us here in blog land. The moment that you and your daughter shared as she left this earth just left me speachless. Peace to you and yoru family.
She's a gorgeous girl.
My baby Georgia was stillborn at term March 1 and I can't believe it's been five months. But then sometimes I feel like how can it be only five months? I've been grieving forever...
Just wanted to say hello and I love you. You're still in my thoughts everyday :)
Love ya,
Meagan
She is beautiful. And your writing about her is beautiful too.
Beautiful baby & Strong Mama and Papa. Be well.
Your pictures are beautiful and you are right, Birdie is beautiful. I remember a previous post of yours where you wrote something to the effect that Birdie was born perfect and did not need to complete a journey on earth to reach enlightenment, (in a Buddhist manner). She was born already perfect. I think about my son in the same manner. I'm glad that you feel like you are moving forward, and you are right, it doesn't mean you leave Birdie behind at all. You do her such honor by how hard you work daily. I'm so glad I get to read about your family.
She was and is absolutely beautiful! I still think about you and look foward to your updates on your blog!
She is gorgeous.
Monica's comment reminded me of something I think about my son, Natan. How it overwhelms me to think that my son is now in place of wisdom beyond his parents.
Not that I don't think he should be with me instead....
It makes me smile to know that you are letting the light in, despite your overwhelming grief. Birdie's photos are beautiful. When I look at her photos I can understand why you've often said that it seemed like you had JUST missed her. Such a beautiful baby.
Please say hi to Downtown Macy Brown for me. :-)
She is absolutely beautiful. :)
Dear Erin,
My daughter was born at 35 weeks via emergency c-section that was necessitated by a placental abruption. She was tiny (4lbs 7 oz) but healthy. She is now 21 months old and the light of our lives.
I only recently discovered your blog. I read it late at night and then I run upstairs to kiss my little girl as she sleeps beside her daddy. Your story breaks my heart as it reminds me of how very lucky we were that our darling baby made it through a dangerous and difficult birth.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful Birdie with the world! I wish you much peace and healing.
Karen
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