I have never really been the biggest fan of the summer months, I have always preferred cooler weather as it makes it so much more possible to be outside! It seems to me that the summer weather used to be at least more mild and tolerable when I was growing up. Now, it's just disgusting and over-the-top HOT! Now, add being pregnant into the mix and it's EVEN MORE HOT! This is not a complaint. I just don't care for the summer anymore.
That being said, me and Macy have been stuck indoors a lot these days. Though most mornings I try to make an effort to take her for at least an early morning walk before it's too hot for both of us. For those of you who don't know, hot summer weather is dangerous for boxers as they have a much smaller snout than most other breeds making it harder to breath and cool down. Although, sometimes when Macy is sunning herself on the back porch in the am she forgets that she is hot and I have to coax her to come inside to cool down.
So, things are still going OK and I am feeling good. My thyroid is under control and I am working out at least 3 days a week to hopefully help myself to not gain TOO much weight. I know that I should not be concerned about this, but I did get a little lazy about working out when I was pregnant with Birdie. Besides it makes me feel really good and energized when I do take the time to excercise. I will probably get to a point as I did when I was pregnant with Birdie that I get to large to use the eliptical machine and weights...and swimming will be my cardio. Well see about that with this baby though. I am also wanting to go back to pre-natal yoga, however I feel a little mixed about going to a class where most likely I will be the only babylost mama. Given the chance that the instructor or someone in the class will ask me if this is my first baby, what do I say? I find it really hard to not just tell people when they ask, no, this is my second pregnancy, my first baby died while I was in labor with her. It's so hard for me to hold back because I would feel that I am not being fair to Birdie or myself hiding her away from others and the truth.
Being nearly 25 weeks pregnant now, I am feeling a good deal of movement and it's so incredibly adorable and reasuring. I was not going to buy a kick counter to help me to keep track of this babies movements, but yesterday I broke down and bought a BabyKick counter. In the months after Birdie died, and I was questioning EVERYTHING I came across this counter and the website and told myself that if and when I did become pregnant again I would splurge on the counter. I did not do kick counting with Birdie, so this time I AM!
I have also started to look into Hynobirth, yes I am allowing myself to go there at this point. Maybe I am naive to allow myself to think that I could get to that point, that there will actually be a labor that will result in a live child this time...but I am thinking about it and if I do get to the point I want to try to be much more relaxed this time. We did take a Hynobirth class when we were pregnant with Birdie, but I felt a little dissapointed with it. So, this time I am just thinking about buying a Hypnobirth "kit" like this one: Hypbirth. The only thing about it is that it's kind of expensive, so I will have to see if I can actually buy it. I have been trying to find it "used" on Amazon, so far no luck with that.
I hope that my optimism with this pregnancy isn't too hard for some of you to read about. I just can't allow myself to dwell on that what if's of pregnancy, don't get me wrong they are ALWAYS with me but I just don't think it's healthy for me to give too much energy to them. I am trying to just live in the moment, and take this pregnancy day-by-day, with a so far so good attitude.
So, for today things are good.
15 comments:
I am so happy to hear things are going well and that you're feeling pretty good overall!
Good for you for exercising. I am determined to be better about it when I get pregnant again, because I used my pregnancy with Aodin to totally lose control in the food/exercise arena.
I don't think there is anything wrong with you telling people about Birdie. Any pregnant woman who chooses to remain totally unaware of the possibilities is doing herself and her child a disservice. No one should focus on the possible issues, but you don't need to keep quiet about your sweet Birdie just to ensure someone else is comfortable. I say go back to the yoga, and tell people about Birdie every chance they get. It just might make them smile to see how much love you carry with you for her.
Can I ask you something more personal? How are you treating your memorial jewelry? Do you wear your Birdie necklace every day? Did you before you were pregnant again? I am wondering how I will be able to balance remembering Aodin with still giving the proper excitement and attention to a new pregnancy...
I think you are having a great attitude with really enjoying yourself! And I understand your hesitancy with the yoga and the questions. If you feel comfortable with talking about it being your second baby, I totally would. It would be fair to you, your children, AND the questioner! That happened to me as a nursing student - I was in the OR for a c section, and I asked the mom if it was her first. She told me about losing her first at 23 weeks due to preeclampsia, and I appreciated her being so open about it.
Erin, I thought I noticed from the photos you've uploaded that the C/Section scar is vertical. Am I right? If so, you are not a candidate for VBAC, I'm sorry to say. Hypnobirthing is of no value with a C/S.
As you're 25 weeks now, your doctor or midwives should ask you to have a sugar profile done in the next week or two. I'm sure they will explain to you why it's important.
I had two of my children at the end of August, I completely sympathize with your feeling hot! I felt like a beached whale! But you sound good.
I think it is great that you can be optimistic with this pregnancy. I'm still somewhat tentative. Being pregnant again gives me great hope, but I frequently find it difficult to think or talk about.
I have been going to a regular yoga class, which has been fabulous, but I can't see myself in a prenatal yoga class again, not at this point anyway. I suppose I share your fear of being asked if this is my first pregnancy, but I also feel like I am in a different place emotionally right now and wouldn't quite fit in there.
I hope all continues to go well.
again Antigonos YOU ARE WRONG about me. Please just refrain from commenting here...yes my scar outside is vertical, but inside it is horizontal. So, you are wrong, and I am right and my Dcotor is right that I AM A VBAC candidate.
I've been lurking around your page for quite some time. My heart broke for you when your sweet Birdie passed, and I'm over joyed for you now, for your pregnancy... So I hope you don't find my comment random... however.
Antigonos is indeed wrong on a further note...
Even if you did for whatever reason end up with a c-section *sending awesome birthing vibes your way*
Hypnobabies (or any hypnosis program) would still be ideal for you. I'm a Hypnobabies instructor, and lots of students take our class for LOTS of reasons. Whether they're afraid and want to feel calm, relaxed and in control, or they don't want to feel pain, or they want their partner more involved, they're having a planned c-section and they're afraid of that... c-section or not, hypnosis still works because it's just a deep state of relaxation.
I don't know much about HypBirth, however Hypnobabies has a great home study course, or class whatever you're looking for. I encourage you to look into it, we offer eyes open hypnosis that other programs don't though, so you can walk around, talk, drink water, bounce on the birthing ball... whichever you're wanting, while remaining deeply in hypnosis.
We also have the invaluable fear clearing script, to help you acknowledge your fears of this pregnancy and birth and get rid of them.
Hypnobabies has a yahoo group, and you can also check out www.pregnancybirthandbabies.com for wonderful stories written by moms off the yahoo group about how Hypnobabies worked for them. Like I said, I don't know anything about Hypbirth, just Hypnobabies.
My MIL is a hypnobirth instructor. She swears by it, and loaned me her whole info kit when my friend Kristie was pregnant. Kristie wasn't interested. She went with "just keep breathing and it will eventually be over." Didn't even take a class. It worked. And I think we'll be repeating the event within the next 12 months (YAY!!).
I think that at the store, when you were asked, you handled it beautifully. You said no, it wasn't, that your first baby had been stillborn (everyone did the "oooohhh..." thing followed by a breif awkward silence) and you shifted to how excited you were for Bunny to come, and your due date and everything. Someone, as I recall, shared a loss story of a friend. You simply face the question with honesty, allow people to express their sympathy, and then give them something to grasp onto, like Bunny's due date. If they have a loss story, or want to know more about Birdie's story, they can. If they don't, or can't, then they can talk about Bunny.
The worst thing we do, culturally, is not speak openly about death, dying, death experiences, grieving experiences. Then all the deaths in the world become the horse on the dining room table, that everyone can see, but no one will acknowledge. And that's just sad.
Hi,
Delurking her to send happy bunny wishes your way, and to chime in with the other commenters. If people ask if this is your first pregnancy, they are really asking about your other childen. Birdy is your daughter and you get to talk about her as much or a little as you want. Besides, they asked! I would hope that anyone asking about your family would be able to take in what you have to say with openness and sensitivity, but I can see how this might not always be the case... (ah-hem... Antigonos, you are behaving like a rude, heartless, bully with no sense of boundaries. If you are truly committed to the concept of quality midwifery care, talk less, listen more. That's what makes a good caregiver. If you can't do this, please just go away!)
Erin, I guess I just agree that you should go ahead and do whatever classes you want and not let the possibility of an akward encounter deter you. You've clearly handled worse.
On a different note, while I didn't "do" Hypnobirthing. (I too went with the keep breathing and it will be over soon approach...) I can reccomend a down to earth hypnobirthing instructor in western ma who does private in home sessions tailored to individual families. (Which I could see being especially useful in your case.) I believe she works on a sliding scale fee- we're broke and could still afford her;) If you're interested, here's a link to her info; http://www.greenriverdoulas.org/findadoula-birth.htm#annbuscemi
or just message me for more info.
Again, so happy for your good news!-M
Hi,
Delurking her to send happy bunny wishes your way, and to chime in with the other commenters. If people ask if this is your first pregnancy, they are really asking about your other childen. Birdy is your daughter and you get to talk about her as much or a little as you want. Besides, they asked! I would hope that anyone asking about your family would be able to take in what you have to say with openness and sensitivity, but I can see how this might not always be the case... (ah-hem... Antigonos, you are behaving like a rude, heartless, bully with no sense of boundaries. If you are truly committed to the concept of quality midwifery care, talk less, listen more. That's what makes a good caregiver. If you can't do this, please just go away!)
Erin, I guess I just agree that you should go ahead and do whatever classes you want and not let the possibility of an akward encounter deter you. You've clearly handled worse.
On a different note, while I didn't "do" Hypnobirthing. (I too went with the keep breathing and it will be over soon approach...) I can reccomend a down to earth hypnobirthing instructor in western ma who does private in home sessions tailored to individual families. (Which I could see being especially useful in your case.) I believe she works on a sliding scale fee- we're broke and could still afford her;) If you're interested, here's a link to her info; http://www.greenriverdoulas.org/findadoula-birth.htm#annbuscemi
or just message me for more info.
Again, so happy for your good news!-M
Hi there. We have been traveling and thus I haven't been able to read as much.
I'm so glad you're able to have a "so far so good attitude." Although my blog looks like I was a mess throughout my pregnancy with Samuel, I always used it as an outlet. Wasn't nearly so freaked out and negative in person-I let that energy out online. We all find our ways to make it, and our blogs in whatever way we need.
Wish I had some tips for keeping cool. It just seems inevitable with a summer pregnancy. I had a positive obsession with real-fruit lime popsicles. Can't stand them this summer.
Much love to you.
Erin-I love this post. You sound great! I'm so glad you are getting exercise and feeling well. I was VERY pregnant through the summer with three of my children. I also have a difficult time with heat now even though the summers where I live now are a good 30 to 40 degrees cooler than where I lived as a child. I think it has something to do with my Hashimoto's. My stepmother also has a hypothyroid and is sensitive to the heat. My dad had to install an extra air conditioner just for their room to keep her comfortable.
I read the hypnobirthing book during my third pregnancy and I definitely gained some tools to help me cope with my labor. I also read Birthing From Within during that pregnancy. I like both and as a doula I don't think you can have too many tools in your labor kit to help you through it. My Hypnobirthing book came with a CD called Rainbow Relaxation and I used every night before I went to sleep. It was awesome! You sound great, and I'm glad you got the counter. I think kick counting is invaluable and keeps very in tune with your Bunny. I hope you and Macy stay cool!
This is JUST for the sake of discussion, because I believe there is never one way for someone to give birth.
My personal qualm with Hypnobirthing or other hypnosis programs in comparison to Hypnobabies is they're so general. For instance, growing up the daughter of a paramedic I'm very used to medical terms... so imagining a warm light or blue ribbons helping my uterus dilate, wasn't cutting it for me. I needed specifics.
I started Hypnobirthing when I was 5 months pregnant with my first. I needed more, more scripts, more cds, more specifics *and I had taken the class*. I found Hypnobabies when I was 35-36 weeks. I bought it and received it by 37 weeks. My son was born 9 days later! We ask that you get at least 6 weeks practice, but with only 9 days I had more than half of my labor completely pain/discomfort free. What happened with the last 6 - 7 hours was back labor hit. And I just didn't have enough practice to focus past that...
With my second son's birth, I already had all the materials, so I started studying at 20 weeks, then repeated it... *most moms don't do that and 70% of our students have pain free births compared to 1/3 of Hypnobirthing students* and I felt complete comfort, laughing through my labor. Transition hit (8cms a stretchy 9) and I felt some discomfort on my pubic bone that was completely manageable, and then he was born! So that was about 2 hours and that's it out of 12 hours of birthing.
With the Hypnobabies home study (and again I STRESS.. I'm biased, there is NO ONE WAY) I got the birth partners guide and quick reference manual, 170 page Hypnobabies Workbook, 12 Advanced Hypnosis for Childbirth Scripts on CD... so really it's a LOT of detailed stuff
I hear you about the heat. Spend most of my days inside with AC going.
Glad to see you have the attitude you feel you need to have. I think that's the important part-- to feel ok about the way you are feeling.
And damn, but I am so freaking tired of Antigonos. So totally over her. Here and at the other loss blog she still stalks. Must be so much worse for you. The woman just doesn't take hints, does she? And by "hints" I mean a very clearly articulated request to get lost already.
Erin I don't understand why a Doctor would do a vertical incision then proceed to a low transverse. I will asks the Doctors at work. However, if it is not a low transverse incision on your uterus, Antigonos is correct.
If this has been run by your Doctor and you are going to a hospital that does Vbacs then I am sure all is fine. Living in Massachusetts, Doctors simply don't do Vbacs unless they have certain criteria.
Take good care of yourself. My Father recently passed away and then my sister almost bleed to death. So I now realize that you just can't understand unless you have been in that situation. You can sympathize but you cannot truly understand.
Pinky.
Even in her haste to save Birdie our doctor was quick thinking enough to realize that comitting my body to no chance of VBAC was not an option. She could see that I was young, and she herself having had 2 losses knew that she would be giving me a chance at VBAC. The hospital that Birdie was born and our doc works has the lowest c-section rate in Mass. I cannot remember the stats off the top of my head. The doc herself is HIGHLY encouraging of women, especially me having a VBAC. The nurses and CNM's are PRO VBAC, so there is a lot of support for it. Of course I would not be saying all of this unless all of this was common knowledge to me and between us and my caregivers. So, Antigonos is not correct. I know what I am talking about here, and it has been discussed in great detail with our doc and CNM's. I do appreciate your concern. =)
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