Our Hope For Our Subsequent Birth

Let me just start by saying that I know this is a very touchy, fragile subject for so many of us out there. So, if you think that it might be too much for you to read what I have to say here, please don't force yourself. I have been having so many days of feeling positive (not to be mistaken for naive), that perhaps my getting out these feeling in writing can persuade another loss Mama who is blessed with her subsequent babe to find some sense of renewed hope.

It sounds and feels so strange to me to be able to say that I have made peace with my last labor and birth experience. As you know I have written, thought about and talked extensively about what happened. What was meant to be a gentle birthing experience full of positive vibes and love, turned into a nightmare full of fear and horror.

I have done much soul searching to really try to be fair to my body and mind for this upcoming birth. I feel I must take back our dream to have a safe and comfortable birth experience (and I DO feel very safe at our birthing center). It is only fair for us and this miracle whom we love to call "Bunny". With this pregnancy I have been blessed to work from home, as I did when I was pregnant with Birdie, leaving me a good amount of ME time. Time to read, write, work on photo stuff etc. All of this time to myself has also allowed me to be able to think and work out a lot of my fears, fears that I had just become really tired of having. Holding within me so much negative was getting in the way of me seeing the future, wanting to see the future, to envision how things could and WILL be much different this time, for this baby.

I really do have a good feeling about what is to come, I have to. To dwell and be stuck in that darkness only drags me down to a place I don't want to go to, a place that I have worked through and made peace with. So, I guess what I am saying is that I have allowed myself to move forward, given myself permission to say "YES, I CAN DO THIS!" As I have echoed before, it is only fair to me, my body and this baby to see a good and positive, much different outcome for this pregnancy.

Slowly I had been working my way towards these feelings, but I knew that I also needed the help of a professional to really tackle the deep subconscious stuff. So, last week we (Matt and I) sought out the help of a Hypnotherapist. Our session was very intense and got into the details (nooks and crannies) of Birdie's labor and birth....it was emotional beyond words. However, we were so glad that we went, as it has opened up our hearts and minds that much more to allow positive messages and feelings for this next birth.

Again I also have to say how incredibly helpful the Hypnobabies class is, this class is ALL about being positive about pregnancy and birth, it's just been invaluable to us. I can't recommend Hypnotherapy for Mamas and Papas like us enough, its invaluable for the mind and body.

I really hope that I'm not making myself sound naive here, I know all too well how fast things can change, but I just don't want to linger there in that negative space. I want and NEED to be able to enjoy each day that I am blessed to carry this baby within my womb, just as I did with Birdie. I must be positive so that my emotional state carries me through to a positive labor and birth. So, YES, I AM positive about this pregnancy, I am full of HOPE for this babies birth. This is all not to say that it has been easy to let go of the past (not forget it, no we shall never forget!), of course it hasn't been, but the joy and hope that this baby has brought to us has pushed us to want to live in a re-newed state of hope and love, for ourselves, for Bunny...and our sweet little Birdie who watches over us.