I'm Da Mama, Fo Shizzle!
OK, enough! I am squashing this stupid shit right now! No more being Ms. Insecure Mama Pants!!!!
Holdyn is MY SON and I will not let anyone walk on my parenting skillz. I assure all my doubters that he is going to turn out just fine thank you very much. He will be a very self assured, independant, creative, kind, compassionate, empathetic, curious and loving little man. (So doubters, keep your comments and eye rolls to yourself, OK? Thanks.)
Just you wait and see!!!
He's just a baby man! He's my baby and I will do what I please!
So, all the negative shit I am gonna just SSSSSSSQQQQQQQAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSHHH right here right now.
(thank you ladies for your very, very inspiring words of support! - thank you Carol, for the extra added boost, it's always so helpful to talk to you!!!)
Later.
9 comments:
Right on Erin, you rock!!;) You are the bestest mom and I'm glad you squashed all those thoughts!! Holdyn will be everything you said and more, you are a great, greater than great mother!!
You're welcome Erin! Always happy to reassure you what a good job you are doing. Better than good actually - brilliant. Don't ever doubt that again.
Hear, hear! Good for you for standing up for yourself. I'm steadfastly of the opinion that we all do things in our own way, and we all want what's best for our kids. None of us parents in exactly the same way and most of our kids turn out happy and healthy. :D
Dear Erin,
I just wanted to tell you that the roller coaster things you are feeling (insecure & judged about parenting followed by empowered to defend your choices, etc) will mellow out over time into a calm serenity about the choices you are making about how to parent. I made many of the same choices as you -- breastfeeding on demand, co-sleeping, babywearing -- and I was very lucky that the people in my life were supportive...even though many of them made different choices.
But even with that support, it was easy to feel defensive and/or judged when other people made comments about how they parented differently -- even when those comments were very minor. Once a very close friend and I ended up in a fight over the issue of making your own baby food versus buying it. A truly minor thing in the grand scheme of parenting -- but we were both sleep deprived and feeling insecure and we both got super-defensive really fast and ended up in the most ridiculous fight in the history of friendship & parenthood. Thankfully, we laughed about it afterwards.
The thing is that parenting is SO important and we want to do it RIGHT. But perfection is impossible in anything, let along something as complex as parenting. So we feel insecure and the judgements of others (some real, some imagined) hit us particularly hard...especially in the beginning.
But in time those insecurities mellow. You will follow your instincts as a parent and your confidence will grow as your experience does...No matter what anyone else says, the truth is that no amount of books, doctors, friends, or internet communities will build your confidence as well as the cumulative effect of parenting in a way that feels right to you!!
What is real is that you are a good mother who is thinking through her choices. What is real is that you don't have to defend yourself. You just have to enjoy and love being a mother.
lovely. thank you so much. you have articulated it all...
:)
Just keep doing your job, mama, and let the rest sort itself out.
A shrug and giggle to the doubters. What-evah. We could also sing "It's my baby, and I'll wear if I want to, nurse if I want to, hug if I want to..."
Opinions are, as Gene's ex used to say, like a^*holes. Everyone's got one. And nice that most of us can keep them to ourselves while respecting that everyone's got one of their own.
Unsolicited advice is an occupational hazard for all mothers. That doesn't make it right, but we ALL get. It drives me crazy as well. Wait till Holdyn goes to school and the teachers start chipping in as well!
The situation has been made worse by reality TV shows like Supernanny where parents are portrayed as incompetent amateurs who need and indeed *welcome* stern advice from outside experts. Now everyone thinks it's acceptable to advise parents, even strangers, on how they should be raising their children.
One of the more useful rebuttals is "Don't you know it's rude to give unsolicited advice?" I mean there's no reply to that, is there?
I'd only use it if someone was really out of line though - many people mean well enough.
Squash away, Erin!!
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