These images of Holdyn are from a family vacation this summer to the Poconos. Many more to come soon.
I realize that it has been a long time since my last post, life has been beautifully full and busy with our little man. He is happily crawling to explore and observe the world around him (taking his time to start walking). Everyday he wakes and begins to chatter sounds, at times saying something that sounds like "dog", "shushhh", "glaaa", "teeeeettt" and so on. He is really trying out sounds and seeing how they feel to him. Holdyn is also starting to communicate using his sign language skills! His favorite sign is "more" when he is seated in his high chair (a beautiful vintage high chair that his grammie and grampy C. refinished for him!). He loves his high chair, and loves to be a part of eating with us at the table. We have so much fun eating and chatting and figuring out just what Holdyn is asking for.
In the last month or so we have put an offer on a condo, the offer was accepted and now we are in the thick of waiting to hear of the appraisal. If all goes well (all body parts crossed!), the closing will be November 23rd. I am hopefull this will happen. It will be so nice to have a change, to a new town with more green space to roam and a lead free environment for the wee one.
I have been thinking about Birdie much more clearly and truly (does that make sense?). What I mean, is that I think that I have found more moments of peace and quiet where I allow myself to be more still with her, to really focus and breathe her presence into my heart. Yesterday was one of those days.
After our wednesday morning music class, Holdyn and I walked to a nearby college campus (a beautiful campus with lots of trees, leaves on the ground...a pond...a rushing stream...birds etc.) While walking there, Holdyn fell asleep nursing. So, I walked us over to my favorite place to sit with him. A really great bench swing attached to a very large branch of a maple tree. As I sat swinging with Holdyn upon my chest snuggled in the Ergo, a big warm sweatshirt zipped up over us both...a cardinal came out of nowhere and landed in a wild berry bramble. The emotions began to flood within me, from my heart and spreading out to my legs, arms, fingers and through big wet warm tears. The sinking feeling that I used to know so well returned to me in an instant. For those of you who know what cardinals represent to us, you know why this bright red beauty of a bird caused my heart to swell.
I sobbed, as quietly and gently as I could for not to wake Holdyn as he slept so beautifully and peacefully. He awoke for a moment, looked up at me and placed his head back on my chest and fell asleep again. Of course I kissed his head and hugged him a little tighter.
It was a great relief to me to feel these emotions, having tucked them away for a little while (not on purpose). A great reminder of where I was 2 1/2 years ago and who I have become in this small expanse of time. A reminder to me that it's OK that I'm still not entirely ready to let go of Holdyn just yet (to think of going out somewhere without him/or having him leave to go somewhere is still heart wrenching for me).
4 comments:
Oh he's grown so big, and he's so beautiful, and he looks so much like you! ^_^
I am so glad you were able to have your moment of peace.
Sometimes when I have those times of remembering while holding Evan, I feel like I'm going to hurt him by squeezing him so tightly--like I just can't get enough of him--like if I could somehow tuck him back into me, I would. I can picture you sitting there with him in the Ergo (that thing is the best, isn't it??) and having an emotional visit from Birdie. Beautifully written, Erin.
A good post to read. I'm thinking of your family often. -Ryan
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