I can still remember, when the nurse came in to ask what Birdie's name was for her birth certificate. It was the afternoon of March 3 and we hadn't chosen a name for our dead daughter. We had planned to wait to meet our baby before we made such a decision, it needed to be the right name.
Without a second though, Matt looked up at the nurse with tears in his eyes (he was holding Birdie) and he said "Birdie". It was perfect. So right.
Birdie had been her nickname from early in my 3rd trimester. We were lying in bed, feeling her kick and move when I said "Birdie", that shall be the babies nickname. And so it stuck, and then became a most beautiful, most fitting name.
Birdie, she flew away on March 3, 2007. As I lay on the operating table, I watched her go as I gasped for air. The white that filled my eyes, a most pure and true shade of brightest white was her, and as I lay there thinking that I was dying...she was leaving my body. Her sweet spirit, her beautiful peaceful soul was sending my body a message. A message that it wasn't my time to go, that I was meant to stay, to stay with my family. To create another beautiful life, and there she is, present in her brother every single day. Birdie is a part of the love that created him, she is a part of the love that I feel from him. She is a part of the love that radiates our family, that keeps me wanting to be close to Holdyn...
Loving you Birdie, missing you always.
6 comments:
So many years. A lifetime and mere moments.
She is in those all.
Love to you, Mama.
Love to you, Birdie, as your spirit flys to the brilliant depths of all realms.
xoxo
Tears for you today, Erin. Missing your sweet Birdie with you.
xo
(sorry, above comment was me, but signed in on my mum's account)
Erin, I don't what to say, but I just want you to know I am here, reading, thinking of you with tears for your little Birdie and your aching heart. I remember so well hearing your story for the first time, about a month before the first March after. Even though I didn't speak to you that night at Empty Arms and I didn't come back, I was thinking of you that March as I do now.
Thinking of you and sweet Birdie. I wish she was still in your arms...
Erin, Birdie is so beautiful. I'm so sorry she isn't in your arms. I've lurked here for a while without commenting. I've also attended the Empty Arms meetings since July and I always look at Birdie's picture on the poster and think of you. It's time I stopped being shy and said hello - I'm here, I'm listening, I lost my baby girl, too. Thinking of you a lot over these hard days, even if I'm a bit late to commenting.
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