It's really the best thing to wake up in the morning to hear Holdyn say nurse nina with a big smile and great enthusiasm.
Have you guessed yet what nurse nina! could possibly be? well, it all started a little while back, when Holdyn used to ask for "nursies". He would ask to nurse saying, or at time exclaiming "NURSIES, NURSIES". Then one day, maybe 3 weeks ago or so....he started to call "nursies, "nina", and then that evolved into "nurse nina".
Since I have been really lousy about documenting in writing a lot of the things he says now, I wanted to be sure the document this here. Nursing is such an important part of our relationship, we are both so happy to have the sacred time together to "nurse nina!"
I know that I don't talk much about breastfeeding on this blog, or at least I haven't for a while. Perhaps I am still not so sure who is reading this blog anymore and I feel protective of those who might be newly grieved, those of us who have not yet been given the gift of a living child to breastfeed.
When I had to work at drying up my milk/stop it from coming after Birdie died it was devastating. No, it was so much more than that, I don't feel I have the words for how that felt. My whole body felt numb from my grief, but somehow my breasts felt alive, and the warm milk...it was there. I saw it everyday creamy and dried upon the cotton breast pads that I wore each night after removing the cabbage from my bra.
Now, more than 3 years later...milk pours forth from within me. It pours forth from my soul and all my being overfull with love (and all the rest of the amazing properties that make up breastmilk!) to Holdyn's still tiny mouth, though not as tiny as her newborn babe, swollen lipped mouth. This milk is a gift, it is a blessing, it is a miracle of nature and I am so thankful for each night/morn/afternoon/eve that my sweet little Holdyn asks for "nurse nina".
Thank you Holdyn.....we shall nurse nina for as long as you wish.
5 comments:
Beautiful. It is the best part of my relationship with Angus.
xo
It's sweet that you are so sensitive to those who have lost.
As you know, my daughter was adopted. I miscarried four times. I do not regret the fact that she did not come from my womb, but I do feel a little wistful that I didn't get to breastfeed. Some adoptive moms do try it, but you have to have a lot of time to prepare (which we didn't have) and the results can be pretty iffy.
So, enjoy this gift you give to your son. It is a blessing indeed.
Such a lovely post. Your love for Holdyn positively bursts out of your writing.
That is a lovely post, and a beautiful way at capturing a special time in yours and Holdyn's life.
I wish I still had nursing little ones!
I love your post...so eloquent. When Sage died I felt betrayed by my breasts...like they didn't get the memo. I am also now enjoying nursing my special little man....it's redeeming and affirming..:)
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