Tonight as Holdyn was beginning to succumb to slumber for the very first time in a very long time he gazed so, so deeply into my eyes. I could feel my heart swelling to his beautiful gaze, and then a tender caress of my face by his slender 3 yr old fingers just melted me. Since the day he was born my breast, my arms have been his main source for food & comfort...now at 3 he nurses a few times a day...and I can sense his self weaning will soon lead to just a snuggle in the night. When I take the time right now, to reflect upon the likely 1000's of times he has nursed and we have been so close, loving each other and slowing down to just be together I am so humbled. How darling, how precious, how fortunate to spend this special time together for as long as we both feel the need.
In this nearly 23rd week of pregnancy (surprise!) for the 3rd time...I continue to nurse my toddler, which at times is a challenge due to my own discomfort because my breasts are so sensitive (more at night than in the day!), I still find nursing an older child valuable for so many reasons, but more than anything, at this time and place, it is such a beautiful mothering tool to help check in with my toddler, to help sooth and or smooth some rough feelings and to reset and start over.
Truth be told, I don't know how much milk is present at this stage of pregnancy...but as we discussed at the last local LLL meeting, it's not about the milk anymore (though the antibodies are a huge plus!!!), it's about the relationship that I have with Holdyn...an incredibly close relationship that grows deeper and deeper every day.
I fucking LOVE my boya.
9 comments:
Beautiful, Erin. I wish I could have nursed Angus a bit longer. He completely self-weaned at 15 months when I was 15 weeks pregnant with Juliet. But the main thing for me was, he totally called the shots. I hope to feed Juliet a bit longer, as I can't see myself having any more kids so I don't think another pregnancy will interrupt us. I think you're amazing for giving him this great gift.
xo
i tandem nursed lucca through sebastian's pregnancy- i remember it fondly
<3
liz
Erin, I'm very glad to read that you're expecting again. But here are a couple of points to consider:
When you are pregnant, you're really eating for one and a half persons; when you are nursing, you're eating for two. Neither the breast milk, nor the fetus, will suffer if your diet is inadequate, but you will lose vital reserves [you can lose teeth, hair, etc.] So, since I believe you are a vegetarian, be careful to eat well!
Also, breast feeding stimulates the production of oxytocin, which causes uterine contractions. Usually these are not strong enough to actually cause cervical changes, but as you approach your due date [elective C/S this time, no?] it can happen. By three, Holdyn should be drinking from a cup anyway -- he's not far from kindergarten!
All the best for you. You deserve it.
I've nursed two toddlers through two pregnancies and now have a baby and nursing 2 1/2 year old. I don't love a toddler latch--too toothy and kind of lazy--but it is really sweet to have that snuggle time with an otherwise energetic little person.
Congrats on your pregnancy--is this the first announcement?
I wouldn't worry too much about the nursing taking too much from your body's reserves. You're not making all that much milk at this point in pregnancy. Enjoy this special time together!
Congratulations on baby #3! We lit a candle in our house last Sat for Birdie.
What a lovely surprise update!
Enjoy every minute. They really do grow so fast. I stopped nursing our little man when I was 5 months pregnant with our daughter. He was more interested in just rubbing my breast than acutally nursing anyway. It was wonderful while it lasted, and I wish we could have gone a little longer. I will ALWAYS cherish the special time that just he and I had together! I so happy for you and your family as it continues to grow!!
:) I feel the same way about Lemon, at nearly 2 her nursing is really jsut her wanting to be snuggled and quiet a couple times a day.
Congratulations on the pregnancy, I had hoped your absence was b/c of joyful news. Bless your family.
Thank you mama's....=)
Nurse as long as Holdyn wants to--pregnancy need not be an issue unless it is one for him. (Evan stopped nursing about 2ish months ago because I had no milk (I'm 28 weeks pregnant) and he totally did it on his own. We cuddle to sleep now, no problem. And yes, he can drink out of a cup, but why on Earth would he want breastmilk out of a cup when the original packaging is so much warmer and cozier???) From one vegetarian, pregnant, extended nurser to another, your body will tell you what you need. Eat when you are hungry, take your vitamins, and don't worry. Yes, your milk production goes down--this is normal and natural and will help Holdyn wean (slllooooowwwwlllyyyy) which is how it should be. You are doing absolutely everything right and you should never, ever doubt that!
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