My Response
To those it concerns,
My name is Erin N-L, On March 3rd 2007 my first child was born still.
She was born still after nearly 24 hours of laboring at home, (we had planned to have a homebirth). After nearly 24 hours of labor, our daughters heart rate suddenly dropped. I was then rushed to the local hospital birthing center (our back-up midwives & hospital), and after what felt like an eternity, an emergency c-section was performed but it did not save our daughters life.
My husband and I had chosen to have a homebirth when I was around 34-35 weeks along (after much questioning/research/thought). We chose 2 really great midwives. We thought & felt that we had made a good decision, the right decision....a gentle decision.
However, I now see that it is not just how we birth our babies that is most important, what is most important is that when in the process of labor to then birth our babies that it is MOST important that our babies LIVE.
In the last paragraph of your letter it reads: "the way a human being is born is much larger than simply being alive"
That is by far a most horrible statement, its absolutely heartbreaking.
No, actually if my daughter had lived that would be much larger, and much more meanigful than her being dead.
I do not and cannot support your cause, for there is a possibility, even if only a small one that because of our choice to have a homebirth that our daughter died.
Please remove me at once from any mailing list that my name might be on. I have no idea how I got on your mailing list in the first place.
Erin, Birdies Mama
11 comments:
Hugs to you Erin.
I am sorry this even has to be a thought for you.
I am glad you wrote this. I have always been a proponant of home birth and am saddened by the lack of support in the community and the sometimes less then stellar responses of hospital staff - a doctor concerned about malpractice who may be slow to take on a woman who's midwife just brought her to the door in an emergent situation, for example. My MIL is an OB nurse and we argue occasionally. How we birth is very important, but that we are able to birth healthy, live babies whenever possible with the supoort of a medical facility that allows us sufficient control over our birthing process that we don't feel assaulted, mistrustful, or abandoned should be the goal; blending the best of both worlds. Neither camp has all the answers.
Good letter, Erin. I wish you didn't have to go through writing it and the experience of getting the stupid letter in the first place.
Love to you and Matt.
Your letter epitomizes your strength. All of your blog posts do. I see how strong and outspoken you are - not by choice of course; you certainly didn't ask for this fate - and I am honestly and truly comforted and strengthened by it. For what it's worth, I hope you know you have a great influence.
I hope your letter has an impact on the foundation that sent it. I hope they listen.
Hi Erin,
I could have been you. I had a homebirth many years ago ( I was lucky everything was fine) later, I became a labor nurse and soon after decided hospitals were better places to have babies...just because I have known I was helping save a baby of a low risk mom that I felt there was doubt they baby would make it without the what the hospital offers in safety.
I am so sorry you lost your baby. I have a dear friend who lost a child under very different circumstances ( an accidental death ) but she lives with the pain of it every day. She is pregnant again and I so hope this new baby brings some healing to her.
I wish so much for healing for you. I admire you courage to write the response you did. It is brave indeed.
Also know, by sharing your story, you may save others some of the pain you experienced.
I watched a movie about the woman who pushed for "Megan's Law"....and the thank you's she gets from the saves that occur because of it. She talks to her dear Megan in heaven and says, "we saved another one".
I am so proud you for standing up for yourself and getting your thoughts out there. I know this must have been a difficult letter for you to write.
I support home-birth. No, I support the ideas of homebirth. The philosophies. But feel more should be made available for midwives to use. Like if there was an emergency- such as yours. Or the hospitals need to drastically improve.
Great letter, good for you. What a ridiculous phrase "the way a human being is born is much larger than simply being alive". No actually it's totally secondary and a much, much smaller part than being born alive. Not sure how a midwife could have written this ridiculous letter.
Email Comment from my friend Carol:
"Okay, FUCK FUCK FUCK. What the fuck is up with all of these people up on their IGNORANT pedastals thinking that the cause of birthing at home is more important than the life of your baby?
As a person who I would say could have been EASILY convinced to have a homebirth with Charlotte, but left all my homebirthing connections in VT and ended up with a bunch of Hamp OB/CDH friends here, I think I can speak freely on this issue. And I feel comfortable that you know and understand that I pass no judgement in your decision to homebirth because I know with certainty I could have and might have made that exact decision and had just the same outcome as you under different circumstances.
Okay, it's one thing to want people to be able to have homebirths. AMEN! You won't find me having one at this point, but I do think people should be entitled to their choice on this matter, hopefully an educated choice (educated by people who know something at least).
But how could you, how COULD you degrade the importance of being alive?
This is the truth that they have stumbled on -- that all of the induced labors, and "unnecessary" c-sections, etc. have at their base the idea that you want this child to be born alive. now I will be the first to agree that they give too many inductions and pitocin etc. that causes more c-sections blah blah blah. Doctors can be in a hurry and things happen. But if you as a mother know what you want and you advocate for it you can have an experience just like that dimwit on your blog describes right in your local hospital with a nice, hippie nurse midwife. . You know what? I don't think who caught my baby mattered. When Aoife was born (my only "normal" birth), you know who birthed her?
I DID!!!
I ushered myself through this! I guided my sweet baby into my arms and held her in the semi dark with sweet music playing! And you know what? It didn't matter that while I was laboring with her I had a little velcro belt on my belly telling me that her heart was beating! I was calm and at peace, I had everything I needed around me and while being at home might have been nice, I think that my little peanut will turn out just fine.
Whatever. I could go on forever. But I hear you, honey. That is just bullshit and so outrageously annoying just to read. I can't imagine finding it in my own mailbox.
TOo bad I don't know how to use a blog, I could have posted this on your blog for everyone to read."
Love
Carol
I agree with MelissaKnits - I'm pissed that the biggest slap in the face is the ineptness of the hospital staff upon transport.
It has seriously made me reconsider how I would transport in that situation. Basically, I would demand - on phone en route - to get the charge nurse, have the doppler right up to the phone and tell her to have things set up when we arrived.
You were not even given the chance of an emergency arrival at the hospital. That to me, as a midwife, as a mother, is much larger than just a homebirth choice.
Babies do die in the hospital, sometimes just for matters of being in the hospital. It's not cut and dry. But for many women, having a baby die in the hospital feels more like everything was done that could be done. In your situation, I could see how had you been in the hospital the OB would have been called sooner, etc. I can see how the choices we all make result in scenarios that make us regret.
I'm so sorry that you feel that it was your choice to birth your baby at home that caused her death. As an outsider, I can see that it was so much more than that. However, there are babies that do die simply because of the place of birth.
I hope you don't feel that I'm demeaning your feelings in any way. That one line in the letter seems so flippant. So disrespectful.
In the end, as a homebirth midwife, the goal is a healthy baby, healthy mom. Just like with hospital providers. The goal isn't a beautiful, soul-fulfilling homebirth. It's about safety.
Transport situations need to change in terms of homebirth to hospital. There's so much at risk if they don't.
I'm so sorry, Erin. You're on my mind so much. I tell you this, but really know it's true.
I am so proud of you for writing this letter. Well said, Erin. *hug*
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