We made it home today. All in all I can say, and I know I speak for DH it was a restful and enjoyable time together. Even when DH was sick for those first 5 days of it, poor dear. We still managed to have a great time just being together. The beginning was not exactly great for romance but thats ok.
Proclaiming to the mountains, trees, ocean and skies our love for Birdie was amazing. I keep thinking about that, how important it was to do something like that. It felt so freeing, and it also gave way for a small bit of healing. Yelling from mountain tops was a suggestion from some very close friends of ours who's daughter was stillborn four years ago. They found some solace, some release in yelling out for their daughter too. It felt so natural to just go ahead and let it out, we are so glad we did.
This morning while still in Vermont, we stopped by a place called "The Path of Life Garden." DH had seen a flyer for it at a rest stop, and mentioned it to me. Luckily it happened to be off the exit we took last night to rest for the night. This place was so beautiful, it looks like a very large buddhist garden. It's maybe the size of 3 or 4 football fields in length and maybe that in width. Its lovely with tall grasses and wild flowers...and there are different "rooms" for visitors to enter into. The first being "b.1rth". As we were almost about to enter the "b.1rth room" DH said he was too hot, he was wearing a black t-shirt. So he went back to the car, while he did that I went ahead and entered "b.1rth." What a sensation I felt, I was surrounded by large stones sticking straight into the air, with one smaller one (the child) in the center. I began feeling so strongly that that was the place, The Path of Life Garden, that I wanted to spend my birthday. What a perfect place to reflect on Birdie, this place is just so beautiful, serene, contemplative and inspirational...I also began to think that this could be one of the places to spread some of Birdie's ashes.
As I was sitting there I began to think that we should have brought in our little bag of Birdie momentos (we had brought some of her remembrance cards, origami cranes and dried flowers from arrangements that were at our house after we got home from the hospital). Matt went back to the car to get that for me.
As he was walking into the "b.1rth room" he began to sort of open this little bag of momentos and he heard a crackling sound coming from the bag. As he opened up the little handled bag we saw that inside was a small, little baby butterly...he let the rest of the bag fall open and out flew the butterfly! Not only did that butterfly fly away but it flew in the direction of one of the other "rooms", and that room was called "rebirth." As soon as we noticed that there was a butterfly in the bag, and saw it so graciously flying away and towards rebirth we both began to cry. I nearly fell to my knees...it was such a beautiful moment, it took us both by such surprise. It was just so unreal, I mean if ever their could be a sign from Birdie that she is always around us, that she loves us, that she hears us and knows what we are thinking.....that little butterfly was the ultimate of signs. It was like Birdie was that butterfly...and she was letting us know that she will be reborn.
We have no idea how that butterfly got into that bag, the bag had been sitting in the backseat of the car for nearly 5 days. The car windows rolled up, the doors shut. Its a beautiful mystery.
So, there we were standing in the b.1rth room and facing rebirth and just crying. Both in shock at what had just happened and also feeling joy. The powerful connection we feel to our daughter was brought to life, we saw a real life manifestation of her love, her beauty and stregnth. It was just so unreal.
I have so much more to say about our experience at The Path of Life Garden. However, I am just so exhausted. We spent almost 3 hours there, and then drove 2 hours home.
One last thing I will tell you about is our visit with the statue of the Buddha, a lovely granite statue of the Buddha sitting in the lotus position. Others had left offerings for the Buddha, and as soon as we saw him we knew what to offer, a tiny paper origami crane (one of the many that a complete stranger made for us, for Birdie). We gently placed the crane into the Buddha's hand, and anchored it gently with an inscribed little pebble that read, "healing." It was just so, I don't know...it felt good. Then I gently touched the face of the Buddha, telling him how beautiful he is, and asked for him to watch over our Birdie. I then gently knelt before the Buddha, gazing upon him and our offering, and thinking soft gently thoughts. A few moments later a butterfly appeared and flew around and landed on the paper crane we had offered the Buddha. I cannot ever describe the level of joy and happiness I felt. It was such a significant moment for me and DH. I have never had that kind of pure spiritual experience. I was just in awe...completely speechless. I really have no more words for what that meant or how I felt at that moment...pure bliss?
Here are some photos from the magical place, The Path of Life Garden. If any of you are in the Windsor area of VT, I highly recommend you go to The Path of Life Garden. We had just such an amazing experience, there are really no words for how it made us feel. I can tell you that it brought to us a little piece of healing.
The first photos are from the b.1rth room:
See the little baby stone to the bottom right corner
You will notice here that as you look out past "b.1rth" you can see the "rebirth" room
In this last photo you can see our offering, the tiny little paper crane...
Birdie, we had a powerful experience we had with you today. Thank you for showing us your mighty baby spirit, your strength, and your love. You showed us something very special today, something so moving...we are so lucky to have shared those moments with you. I do believe that you were there, alive in that baby butterfly, in the gentle winds that blew...in the tree of wisdom...you were communicating...you found a way to connect.
Our day today was meant to re-diverge our severed paths back together...a new Path of Life together, made possible in The Path of Life Garden. We felt joyful with you again dearest little one, even if for only a short while, a glimmer in a moment...we were together again.
We love you dearest little bird.
Love, Mama and Papa
8 comments:
What a beautiful experience. I am so happy that you and your husband are able to feel the presence of your Birdie in such a strong and moving way.
Those pictures are beautiful. I'll have to remember that garden the next time I'm on the Eastern seabord. Truly magical experiences like the one you experienced just makes my heart flutter. I wish you continued healing.
What an amazing experience. I'm so glad you were able to do that and that Birdie was able to make her presence known to you. I think about her a lot even though I don't know you.
This sounds like a lovely memorial. (((Hugs)))
I am glad the two of you had this experience together.
Wow, I am speechless.
Of course, YES, Birdie was the butterfly, floating on the ancient and perfect winds to greet her Earthly Mama and Daddy. She knows, she is so wise. Her energy is all around, it's what we are all made of, it swirls in every space of every step you take.
I am in awe, humbled on my knees, of your spiritual and emotional journey. You are a guide, a goddess, a true teacher, a gentle student.
Through your mourning and grief you will experience great light.
Enlightenment.
And your Birdie will be right there, helping lead you and taking your hand when you don't feel strong.
All my love to you.
XOXO
Beautiful...!
When our baby died I remember hearing that it was "well known" that a butterfly was a visit from your baby. We also had an amazing butterfly experience (while in the White Mountains!) that I will NEVER forget.
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