What a dreary day...
I usually like days like this, cooler fall air, grey overcast skies, the smell of leaves on the ground.....a true fall day. I don't like today though, its really sad and depressing. Its really sad and depressing, and I am so aware of how completely opposite it would be if I had a baby in my arms to brighten my day.
Yesterday was the gallery talk where my photos are showing, it was so incredibly intense.
Matty got out of work for a bit to come to it, and Niobe and Julia made the trip and I was so happy to see them. I felt so much support. Then there is today, the day after and I feel like shit, I am so low, so so sad and I miss Birdie so much. My heart is full of ache on this day, no everyday. The curtain that has been lifting these last few months to let in light, is closed just a little today. I feel that it's ok though, I have some tears that I need to cry...and my body needs to ache, and my mind needs to remember how far I have come on this grief journey thus far.
Yes, I am still very sad, yes I still feel deep pain....but I also feel deep love. Love like nothing I have none, for one who I will never get to know in the flesh.
My little bird, I miss you so......little bird, won't you fly through my window?
Little Birdie, I love you so much...Love Mama
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I am coming back to posting on a regular basis, changes are happening in our life and I need to vent about them. Also, I have been inspired by Niobe to join in the National Blog Posting Month.
7 comments:
I was so glad to get the chance to meet you. I probably said this before, but your photos are even more powerful when you see them hanging on the wall, the images almost seeming to flicker and move.
I love the hope and positive vibe in this. There are always going to be rough days, even after years have passed, but as long as you can still feel the love, you're going to be just fine. Let yourself cry today, but remember to smile too.
I'll be thinking of you.
I, too, was glad to meet you, and have the same comment about the pictures than Niobe does.
And, weirdly, I too am very sad today... Here's hoping for better days soon.
Could it be because it is close to the 8 month marker?
I'm glad you are coming back to posting. I have missed reading your words more often
Erin, I wish so much I could have been there. But I am so glad that Niobe and Julia were there.
You wrote exactly what I feel: "I have some tears that I need to cry." I am so right in that place, right now.
I would love to figure out a way to see your work in real life.
I am so glad you got to have support at the gallery walk. How cool that Niobe and Julia were there! I know that on days when I feel close to Jimmy I feel good, but the next day I feel empty and crappy. Go ahead a cry those tears.
Missed having you at drop in on Thursday, and hope you can come on Saturday. Knitting is healing.
I am very sorry for your loss, which is a horribly hollow way to say what I feel. I had surgery Monday (for endometriosis) and was not in a good place to comment on your blog (being stoned and emotionally unstable from anesthesia). Your photos, both these and the ones taken with Birdie in past entries are powerful and painfully beautiful. Your openness on the blog can only help other families to cope with the unthinkable. Kuodos.
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