It's Been So Long

Much has been transpiring here in our little family. Holdyn turned 1, last month we became homeowners, and this past friday we celebrated Christmas for the 3rd time without our little Bird. I have been struggling a lot lately with feelings of guilt that I am not thinking of Birdie as much as I should be. Finding ways to incorporate her more into my life has become lost somehow and makes me feel horribly sad. Now that Holdyn is older and I feel more confident leaving him for a few hours at a time with his Papa, I have been considering going back to the support group that we had come to lean on very heavily in the months after Birdie died. The need to grieve for her is still within me, if I do not I am not being honest with myself.

I have so much to share about little Holdyn. He is amazing, so smart, curious and kind. He has such a beautiful soul and a gentle way about him, often I just sit and observe him and allow myself to become lost in his moments. He is re-teaching me creative thinking in this way. To just try something without a second thought, to become a child. Oh and how I love this little boy, this little light...to breathe him in and snuggle with him as we sleep is most amazing.

And now I shall go and do just that!

More soon, I promise.

p.s. Holdyn is walking! He started with a few steps about a week and a half ago...and now he is preferring to walk. I love it!