It's Been So Long
Much has been transpiring here in our little family. Holdyn turned 1, last month we became homeowners, and this past friday we celebrated Christmas for the 3rd time without our little Bird. I have been struggling a lot lately with feelings of guilt that I am not thinking of Birdie as much as I should be. Finding ways to incorporate her more into my life has become lost somehow and makes me feel horribly sad. Now that Holdyn is older and I feel more confident leaving him for a few hours at a time with his Papa, I have been considering going back to the support group that we had come to lean on very heavily in the months after Birdie died. The need to grieve for her is still within me, if I do not I am not being honest with myself.
I have so much to share about little Holdyn. He is amazing, so smart, curious and kind. He has such a beautiful soul and a gentle way about him, often I just sit and observe him and allow myself to become lost in his moments. He is re-teaching me creative thinking in this way. To just try something without a second thought, to become a child. Oh and how I love this little boy, this little light...to breathe him in and snuggle with him as we sleep is most amazing.
And now I shall go and do just that!
More soon, I promise.
p.s. Holdyn is walking! He started with a few steps about a week and a half ago...and now he is preferring to walk. I love it!
6 comments:
Have missed you, Erin. Good to hear you are all well.
Erin, going back to the support group sounds like a very good idea for you. I've found that I need to find ways to continue to grieve and remember and sometimes that just means making some time and space for it. It is harder to do with an amazing little person moving about capturing our attention.
Nice to hear from you again here.
personally I think there should be video of Holdyn walking.....
Hooray Holdyn!! I think watching them make such great strides is sooo much fun!! I also think being honest with yourself is the best thing, I don't think we ever stop grieving our loved ones, I feel the same way even though I haven't lost a child I lost my mother this Spring and when I don't think of her as much I feel guilty. But while I think the deep grief does lessen some we still need to deal with all our feelings for our loved ones and having support nad knowing you are NOT alone is good for oneself. Think of you so often Erin, wishing you the best in your new home!!!
I agree with Melissa about some Holdyn video/photos. And house pictures too! I am in awe of anyone who can move with a little one...an impressive feat.
Still following you and sending love always.
blessings on the new year.
birdie is with you always.
xoxo
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