I am posting this here because I can remember after Birdie died wanting to donate the precious milk that was meant for her. I was talked out of doing this. Now, with the ability I have to nurse my second born, my miracle baby (now toddler), perhaps I can do my part to save someone else's sick or prematurely born baby.

Urgent call for breastmilk donations for Haiti.

Here's a press release on breastmilk donations for Haiti, just released from numerous breastfeeding organizations:

URGENT CALL FOR HUMAN MILK DONATIONS FOR HAITI INFANTS

The Human Milk Banking Association of North America (HMBANA), United States Breastfeeding Committee (USBC), International Lactation Consultant Association/United States Lactation Consultant Association (ILCA/USLCA), and La Leche League International (LLLI) are jointly issuing an urgent call for human milk donations for premature infants in Haiti, as well as sick and premature infants in the United States.

This week the first shipment of human milk from mothers in the United States will be shipped to the U.S. Navy Ship “Comfort” stationed outside Haiti. “Comfort” is currently set up with a neonatal intensive care unit and medical personnel to provide urgent care to victims of the earthquake. An International Board Certified Lactation Consultant stationed at the U.S. Navy base in Bethesda, MD is assisting with providing breast pump equipment and supplies to the “Comfort.” Dr. Erika Beard-Irvine, pediatric neonatologist, is on board the “Comfort” to coordinate distribution of the milk to infants in need. HMBANA, USBC, ILCA/USLCA, and LLL are responding to requests to provide milk for both premature infants and at-risk mothers who have recently delivered babies on board the U.S.N.S. Comfort, but an urgent need exists for additional donations.

At the current time, the infrastructure to deliver human milk on land to Haiti infants has not yet been established. As soon as that infrastructure is in place, additional donations will be provided to older infants.

Mothers who are willing to donate human milk should contact their regional Mothers’ Milk Bank of HMBANA. A list of regional milk banks is available at the HMBANA website at www.hmbana.org.

Currently milk banks are already low on donor milk. New milk donations will be used for both Haiti victims as well as to replenish donor supplies to continue to serve sick and premature infants in the U.S. Donor milk provides unique protection for fragile preterm infants. Financial donations are also strongly encouraged to allow HMBANA, a nonprofit organization, to continue serving infants in need.

UNICEF, the World Health Organization, the Emergency Nutrition Network, and medical professionals all recommend that breastfeeding and human milk be used for infants in disasters or emergencies. Human milk is life-saving due to its disease prevention properties. It is safe, clean, and does not depend on water which is often unavailable or contaminated in an emergency. Relief workers, health care providers, and other volunteers are urged to provide support for breastfeeding mothers to enable them to continue breastfeeding, and to assist pregnant and postpartum women in initiating and sustaining breastfeeding.

For more information, contact HMBANA at 408-998-4550 or www.hmbana.org . Additional information can be provided from the United States Breastfeeding Committee at 202-367-1132 (www.usbreastfeeding.org), ILCA/USLCA at 1-800-452-2478 (www.ilca.org or www.uslca.org ), or La Leche League at 847-519-7730 (www.llli.org).

I'm Not Always Who I Appear To Be

Tonight I met with a very kind and gently loss mama who's dear sweet girl died in October. She reminds me so much of where I was nearly 3 years ago, and as we spoke I couldn't believe where I am now. Can it really be, nearly 3 years since our Bird flew from us?

For many months now I have been feeling a great distance from my connection to Birdie, and I have been feeling a great amount of guilt. How could I let this happen? How can I bring myself to re-connect to that place within me? That deep well of a once shattered heart that became healed through the miraculous birth of a miracle named Holdyn...it still remains somewhat cracked.

Speaking with this very sweet babylost mama brought me back to places that I haven't been able to tap into for a very long time. To share each others stories felt really good, to cry together, to see the photos of her beautiful girl...

Meeting this mama was so important, and I hope that we will become great friends and perhaps I can help her find her way through the treacherous grief journey as my dear friend Carol helped me starting back in March of 2007, when I first called her and said, "I'm Erin, Birdie's Mama".

The title of this post, it is something that I have been pondering very heavily tonight. As I sit here, on my couch, excited for yet another new day with my sweet boy that I am sure will begin shortly after dawn. That I am not always who I appear to be...this is true. It seems easy I think though for people in my community of mothers to forget sometimes, where I am coming from. Holdyn and I have blended ourselves into the normalcy of our community of weekly Mama/Baby groups. At times I am just so sad about this because obviously, I have a child with me, but when we are asked to introduce ourselves I do not mention that I also have another child, a daughter who died and her name is Birdie.

I love the community that we are blending ourselves into, but as March begins it's approach I worry that my babylost mama self might rear her head if I hear someone complain, or say something that pisses me off. I will try not to sound off, I will try to remain composed and proper.

Why does it feel like I can't say that I am not only Holdyn's mama, but also Birdie's mama too? Why do I hide myself from my every day, every minute reality? The loss is ALWAYS with me, ALWAYS. Even if you can't see it, this is who I am and who I will always be.

Truly though, I am not always who I appear to be (and the woman standing next to you in line at the coffee shop might not either).

Happy New Year!

I have had so many posts in my head these last few weeks, but finding the time to write here has been difficult with my working part time at night when Holdyn is asleep. I get so tired while I work that I space out and just need to sleep when I finish my work.

SO!!! Here's just a little update.

Holdyn is walking, he started walking full on right before Christmas and he is now a completely confident little toddling ball of joy. He has also been saying Papa/Dada-ish words for a few weeks, and just a few days ago started to make Mama/Mommy-ish words and then...he stared to say Mommy! Mommy! It's so makes me melt every single time I hear him say Mommy!

We have a walking and talking little toddler! It's amazing and so joyful. My heart is so full, and of course I am bursting with love.

Our new home is becoming more settled with each week...
We are very happy, and so thankful for each other.