18 Weeks, 19 Weeks almost 20 Weeks!

I have been pretty absent from this blog for last week or so. Believe me there is a lot on my mind, but I just couldn't get it onto the blog. I have been feeling somewhat guilty that I haven't been writing as much about Birdie, as this is really her blog. I guess sometimes maybe I run out of new things to say. I miss her still so fiercely, and I still cry over her many nights. I don't want to say that this pregnancy is taking away my deep pain, but I do think that it is helping with some of the hopelessness that has been stirring within my heart for so long. This baby is giving me a renewed hope, and although I don't wish to rush to the end of this pregnancy...I can say that the days seem to be flowing pretty smoothly and I am not dwelling on how much longer I have to go. This pregnancy seems to be going along at a pace I can handle, a pace not too slow and not too fast. With Birdie I was so carefree and it was fine that it seemed to go somewhat slowly. As many of you know very well, the subsequent cannot be so carefree.

As of last week I believed that I was in my 18th week, well the 18 week ultrasound (photos below this post) that we had last wednesday put the baby 6 days ahead. So, when we had our midwife appointment on friday of last week, they changed my due date to Oct 18th. However, we did discuss that there is some room in there that the dates are not exact. Even so, I have made an agreement with this baby that labor WILL begin at 38.5 weeks! We also talked about a few of the "natural" ways to stimulate labor...Evening Primrose Oil, Acupuncture...lots of lovin! =) I just know that if I get anywhere close to where I was with Birdie (41.5 weeks) that I will become panic stricken and perhaps a little crazy with worry.

The other thing we talked about was my weight, in the last month I gained 10 pounds! WHOA! The midwife asked me about my diet, she discovered that perhaps the juice I had been drinking could be the culprit. I was drinking at least 2 big glasses of OJ and apple or grape juice. SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR! She said she would rather see me eat and orange than drink a glass, as it takes about 10 oranges to make 1 glass! Plus since the baby is now fully formed the extra folic acid isn't needed (there is enough in my pre-natal anyway). So, bye bye juice (except for in middle of the night when I take a swig of apple juice). I'm going to have to drink something besides water though....ugh. I can't stand the taste of water first thing in the morning.

So, I am gaining too much weight a little too fast (my thoughts, nobody has said that to me). However, I know that perhaps I gained too much with Birdie. I mean I was so fucking huge! I know I will probably get bug again, but if I can help it at all I want to. I have been pretty bad about getting to the gym, but I have been exercising a good lot by walking the dog 2 to 3 times a day with at least one 1hour walk if not longer. I have also been wanting to get back to pre-nantal yoga, but the class I used to take doesn't exist! Now I am having a hard time finding something else close to me WTF!

So, to recap this long post. As of early last week we thought I was 18 weeks, by the end of the week I was told that really I was 19 weeks. So, this week at the end of the week I will be 20 weeks! Also, I am finally most definitely feeling some kicks or punches and its SUCH A RELIEF! Its not frequent yet, but I feel certain it will be very soon. I'm still feeling good, and my energy level is good too.

So far, so good. Oh, and did I mention how adorable the baby was when we had the ultrasound? The baby was so squirmy, at one point when were looking at the screen it looked like the baby had turned to look at us (but of course it hadn't), we also got to see the baby open it's mouth to take a little drink...so amazing, so beautiful and I still see Birdie's profile in this little miracles profile. Everything looked good. So far, so good.

The first picture here is the one where the baby looks like it was looking at us, the second, baby is opening its mouth to take a drink...

Originally uploaded by Birdies Mama

Here's my 17 week belly. I must say that it feels really good to have such a nice round belly again. What a relief to be "looking" and feeling pregnant again. I think that I might be feeling some little punches and kicks every now and then, but I can't be entirely sure yet. I need to look back on the blog to see when I started to feel Birdie moving around...she was so adorable when she did move within my womb.


More 17 Week photos here

Charlotte Amelia


Today is the 5th Birthday of my dear friend Carol's daughter Charlotte Amelia. Charlotte left this world all too soon 5 years ago today. Her Mama writes so beautifully about her birth here.

Happy Birthday sweet little Charlotte. You are loved and missed by SO MANY.

MOTHERS DAY WALK TO REMEMBER OUR BABIES IS TODAY!

I don't remember if I mentioned this or not, but there is a Mothers Day Walk To Remember our Babies today, the local Northampton Mass SHARE group that we go to is hosting it. The "Our Children In Our Hearts Walk", it is happening today, Saturday May 10 at 3:00PM at Childs Park in Northampton Ma. If you are in Ma I strongly urge to to come and join us, it is such a lovely event, plus we have organized a Fathers Day Butterfly Release and Picnic that we will be talking about and having flyers out for. So, Mothers of those children who are with us in spirit, and in our hearts...please come. You will be bathed in love and caring, and surrounded by those who understand.

Love you all of you on this Mothers Day Weekend.
Erin

16 Weeks.

Holy shit, really am I going to be 16 weeks pregnant?

I have been keeping myself pretty busy for the last few months and maybe that is how I have gotten to 16 weeks so quickly? When I stop and look down at my growing belly, which seems to be growing at a rapid rate I still can't believe that the belly I see is mine. I am having a hard time sometimes really letting go for this one...I want to bond, and I do, but some days this is all just too surreal for me. It feels a little too dejavu at times. Maybe once I start to feel movement and I am sure that it's movement and not gas, then things will feel more solid for me. I hate that I get to a semi-detached place in my mind from this pregnancy. I feel like I did when I was pregnant with Birdie, I feel good, I feel happy and besides the Hypothyroid so far everything seems to be going well. Have any of you had trouble bonding with subsequent babies in utero?

The other thing that is on my mind is this photo project. As you may know I have been working on and thinking about for a good long time now this "Family Portrait" project. I am getting back into it now, and starting to take new photos of any objects that we have collected or been given to remember Birdie by.

I am also trying so hard to work on my artists statement more because I am getting my shit together to submit these photos to galleries. I want so much for these photos to be seen by many, to effect many. Now, I need to ask those of you who are writers and I know that many of you are...could you or would you take a look at my most recent statement and tell me what you think? I am not the best at articulating my ideas through writing so I need all the help I can get to make this statement as strong as it can be.

"Family Portrait explores the invisibility of grief in our American society. Why do we hide from our grief, pain and sorrow (and the grief, pain and sorrow of others?) Why do we as a culture encourage this behavior for each other? What are we ashamed of? I ask this question in regards specific to when the death we hide from is that of a child.

Not until a recent tragic, and horrific loss in my own life, the death of my first born child Birdie who was stillborn on March 3, 2007 have I ever questioned the way in which we "handle" death in this country. The traumatic death of my child, and the intense grief and anger that are with me everyday since have raised so many questions about public grieving for me. As a grieving mother I have become an advocate for speaking out about my grief, my pain and my anger. I have not been and will not be quiet about the death of my daughter.

After Birdie’s death, and while still in the hospital with her we photographed her and each other with her. Even though we were deep in shock, we knew to photograph was right and important, as the days we would have with her would be our only moments with her. With this “evidence of experience” that we have to look upon we retain the searing trauma, intense anger and manic pain of the death of our child."

15 Weeks 4 Days, So Far So Good.

Sorry that I haven't been posting as much. I am doing ok mentally, I have just been working (I have a new and pretty rad job!). I have also been trying to get my act together to submit my photos to galleries in the area and continuing to work on/build upon the photo project.

I am feeling pretty good, no sickness or anything so I guess I am lucky for that. It has gotten a little tricky with the eating thing/my hypothyroid/being vegetarian. I have been reading a little about eating fish, i.e. the safest fish to eat while pregnant. It seems from the info I have found that Wild Alaskan Salmon seems to be the safest. However, before I really do start to go that route I am going to speak with my dietitian about it. It's going to be weird to start to eat fish again...I have been vegetarian for more than 10 years! I must do what I have to do for my body and this baby.

At our last midwife apt (CNM apt) last friday, she was pretty sure that she felt my uterus was measuring higher than normal for 14 weeks. She told us it could be that I was carrying twins, further along that we had thought or that I had a fibroid. Well, we had an ultrasound this past friday...and we have one beautiful little life, no twins, no fibroid. It was a little bit dejavu at first going into that ultrasound room, as we couldn't help be reminded of Birdie. It was good though, and what a relief to see little babe on the screen, to see him or her moving around and to see that heart beating away. It was amazing and it was instant love! We have been both having some trouble bonding, but after seeing the baby within my womb I am at peace with this pregnancy and can feel the bond that was always there...it was just hiding under a protective layer in my mind and in my heart. It was so AWESOME to see this baby! It was also so cool to see the baby's profile, which I do think looks a lot like Birdie's did. We have some pictures and were looking at them against Birdies...there is definitely a resemblance!

So, you can probably tell from the tone of my writing that I am doing pretty well with the pregnancy. I just can't allow myself to dwell on all the bad that could happen. It would drive me crazy if I did that, and I want to enjoy this baby as he or she grows within me. It's only fair to do so for all our sakes.

Here are some photos of babe in utero:

Results

So after much anxiety and having to wait. Yes, the office was closed yesterday...then on top of that today I had to wait for the doctor to call in to review my results because he is away for 2 weeks! After all that the bloodwork showed that the level only went up .1, I think that is right. It was 4.91 3 weeks ago and as of friday was 5.1. So, I am starting 1 tablet (100 mcg) of synthroid tonight (and every night) before bed on an empty tummy, and I have my blood work re-checked in 6 weeks. I do feel a little better knowing that at least I can start being treated for this. However, I did make my great concern known to the nurse at the endo's office when I spoke with her. She made it clear that in no way was the doctor making me wait (3 weeks) for no reason to have the apt I had friday. That if after looking at my chart (3 weeks ago) I should have come in earlier then they would have had me come in. So, I don't really know how I feel about all that...and perhaps we will do some doc shopping. I was told about a "more cutting edge" endo doc that is only about an hour from our house. He has written a book about hypothroidism and also has a video that I watched where he talks all about hypothyroid and he seems to really "get it". Plus he has a very holistic approach (i.e. diet, excersise, yoga etc) to treatment of hypothyroidism as well as using conventional medicines of course.

Anyway, I am feeling much less anxiety right now. So I feel good for now.

Damned Patriots Day!

So, of course the first thing I went to do this morning was call the doctors office to get the blood test results. Yes, of course I am trying in vain to be proactive about this, I have already cut all soy out of my diet. This morning, I call and call and call and nobody answers. I try calling many times and still no answer. WHAT THE FUCK! It turns out that the office is closed because of fucking Patriots Day, a little holiday that we still observe in Massachusetts. So, I am pretty pissed off. Why was I told many times over to "call in the office monday". How come none of the 3 women in the office said anything about it being a long weekend. I am trying not to stew over this but I am so mad. I just want to know and start treatment ASAP! I have samples of synthroid at my house that the doc gave me for goodness sake!

This Different Spring

I can still remember so clearly how I felt this time last year. My heart still very newly shattered into a million pieces and then thrown back at my face. The tears did fall from my eyes every day this time last year, and the incredible longing for the flesh of my daughter was still so raw and un-graspable. Even now as I sit any write these words my eyes are welling as I still can remember those feelings so instantly, so closely. My sweet little bird I still don't know where you have flown to, but I am certain that it must be a beautiful place. I still long for you and your sweet baby body, those sweet little lips that turned from pink to a deep purple hue. Your gentle hands that seemed to grasp our fingers when we put them within your palm. It's all still so very real, and so fresh.

I don't know what I will do if we can't have this baby that right now, this minute grows within me. The thought of not being able to keep this baby and watch this child grow tears me apart. I have become really scared over the weekend over this damn Hypothyroid shit. I am scared that I will be one of those people who doesn't get to keep their baby because of a high FreetT4 count. I am scared to hear what the results are of the blood work. Maybe by some miracle all my counts are back to "normal". I wish right now that I could see into the future, that this pregnancy is going to go really well, that I will be lucky enough to birth a live baby and hold this baby and hear this baby SCREAM! If ever there was anything I ever wanted, it is that.

What an intense life that I am living right now. Grieving the baby that we so very much wanted with us and now carrying the baby that we so much want and hoping with all hope that this baby makes it. I carry on through the day like a somewhat normal person, but underneath that is what I am thinking about. The desire to have this baby is so huge that it is just beyond anything that I can really explain to any normal person.

However, deep down all this hope really doesn't mean shit. It doesn't mean anything because really we have no control, we have no control and what the fuck am I supposed to do with that? The universe took Birdie from us, and I can't let that happen again, it just can't happen again.

Warm Spring Air & A Little Anxiety

Finally the spring has arrived here in our little spot in western mass. The air has been perhaps a little bit warmer than it should be for spring, 75 degrees? That is more like summer warm I do believe. Anyways, I am still feeling good and I am really starting to feel pregnant and that feels really good.

However, I am a little on edge. When I had my first blood work done for this pregnancy my TSH levels came back high, like 4.91 or something like that. So, about a week later I had the levels re-tested and this time it came back even a little higher...over 5.0. So, today 3 weeks later I went to the endocrinologist and he felt pretty certain that even after having more bloodwork that I probably really do have hypothyroidism and that I will need to be treated for it. I am glad to be treated for it, but I was pissed that for whatever reason I had been made to wait 3 weeks for the appointment I had today. I had been told when the appointment was made for me that if the doctors office thought I should come in earlier to see the endocrinologist that they would call me. Well, after talking to him it seems like they should have called me and I should have been seen much sooner.

So, now I am a little worried about this. I am a little worried because of all the things that he told me about having hypothyroidism in pregnancy, and how it is linked to miscarriage. I can't lose this baby, I just can't.

edited to add: I forgot to mention that had more blood work to test the FreeT4 levels as well as antibodies. So on monday I will find out about the first blood test and tuesday I will know for sure what the hell is going on and if I will for sure be treated.

Hope.

To be honest I never did think that I would be in this place that I am in. I mean really, after Biride died, and we were "introduced" into a world we never really knew existed (dead baby blog land) how can I possibly allow myself to feel hope? I really don't know where it is coming from. Not that I'm not scared to death of the "what if's", but I just don't want to linger there. I know all about what could happen, but my mind just isn't letting me stay there for very long.

Birdie's death was an accident, she should be here right now. It was because of all of the time that passed when things became dangerous that she is dead. Perhaps it is my knowing this that has allowed me to get beyond being worried all the time. Maybe not. Maybe it's just me, maybe that's just who I am. I feel like to spend my time, my precious time being scared is not going to do me any good or this baby. I must feel thankful for right now, this moment and all moments of the day. I have said this before, but I know that really ultimately under most circumstances I have no control so I just have to take this pregnancy one day at a time.

One day at a time, because I know deep down inside it could all go to shit tomorrow but why do I want to spend the time stressed out about it and anxiety ridden? I just can't do that.

So, for now I feel good. I feel hopeful. I do feel a little bit of healing in my heart and I am madly in love with this little beauty in my belly.

For those of you who were wondering when we found out that we were pregnant again, we officially found out on March 1st. So, we knew on Birdies 1st birthday. It took a while for it to really sink in, and when my belly started to stick out pretty soon after we definitely knew that this is really happening!

For the time being we are seeing the same care providers that we had been with Birdie, before we started to go to the homebirth midwives. So, we are under the care of the CNM's and Doctor that delivered Birdie. The very same doctor who tried in vain to save her life. We both feel very confident and so happy with the care we have already received. Our first pre-natal was nearly an hour long, and a week and half after it we had another appointment just so that we could hear the heartbeat. What a relief to hear that beautiful sound, we both cried through it. We were told right from the start that we can have anything that we want, tests, ultrasounds etc etc. I won't be induced (something I already knew) because of the increased risk of uterine rupture. Plus, our doctor and the CNM's are PRO VBAC, and that is what I want for myself to. My only concern is going to 40 weeks, I just don't want to get that far. I would be happy with 38 weeks, so we will see when the time comes. All in all we are comfortable with these wonderful care providers, we are close with them and they know us and remember Birdie so we are treated with nothing but kindness.

However, we are going to have a meeting with a midwife from the local "big" hospital. We want to do this just to see how our care might be different, how they approach a "patient" like me etc.

So, that's the scoop from over here. On thursday I will be 12 weeks. I don't want this pregnancy to go by too fast, but then again...I want to hear that beautiful sound of this baby crying...I want to look at my beautiful husband and see the tears of love, happiness and healing and I want to know, finally how it feels to hold a living breathing child that we have created together. I want to know this, and also think of Birdie and think how she might have been...and know who she always will be.

She is always in my heart and in my soul.

11 Weeks, 3 Days

Some photos to show our hope, to share with you a glimpse of how far we have come and how much my belly is pooting out already! Its bitter sweet to look at these photos, to see us smiling the same smiles we had when we were so happily pregnant with Birdie.

The Good News

It seemed as though the day would never come that I would be able to share with all of you that we had been blessed once again. Alas, the day did come and we are so thrilled. Of course we are a little nervous with all that we now know. However, we cannot allow our worry to consume us. All that we can do is enjoy this beautiful miracle, love this baby as we love Birdie and be thankful for what we have right now, today. Thank you for your kind words of congratulations...I am trying very hard to accept the congratulations. At times it seems like that word should be saved until after the baby is actually here, alive. Please don't think me ungrateful, I am, your all so sweet.

I have been trying to upload the recording of the babies heart beat that we have, but blogger doesn't seem to like it.

So, here we are again. Pregnant and trying to be positive. Hopeful for the future, hopeful for the LIVE birth of this child. I have to be optimistic about this pregnancy otherwise I feel like I will go crazy. I know that it's going to be really hard at times to be positive, but I promise to keep trying, being and living this way. I do feel good about this pregnancy and I AM going to try and trust this baby. I just have to for me, for Matt and for the baby. I want to see the light at the end of this long and treacherous tunnel. I need to feel and think that we will get to meet this baby in life.

Therefore, I understand if some of you might not want to hang around and read this blog. I know that for some the road has been too bumpy, and too scary. That perhaps my optimism about our subsequent pregnancy might be too much.

Birdie, your going to be a big sister! (we hope)

Remembering Riley

Today I am thinking of and remembering baby Riley. Sweet Riley was born many weeks too soon. Matt and I met Riley's Mama at our first SHARE meeting, it was her first meeting too. There was an instant connection, as both our babies were born/died during the same month, and our grief was still so raw, so fresh. We continue to see and support each other at our local SHARE meetings.

Thinking of you Riley on this day, March 26, 2008. Thinking of you and your family with much love and sadness for your absence.

Home

So we made it home safely. We had a really nice time in VA, though I didn't get to take any of the graveyard photos I had hoped to. For some reason it was really hard to locate old graveyards close by where we were staying. Anyways, the weather was nice and much warmer than New England's. I will write more about our trip later and post some photos.

I have been feeling like I am neglecting Birdie somehow...like I just go through the day to day and I don't think of her enough or something. I can't really understand or explain how it is I have been feeling since her birthday, maybe I am just really depressed and I don't realize it. There are all of these things that I want to do to creatively express my sorrow but instead I'm not doing them and I just feel bad about it. I feel lazy and disgusted with myself. I don't really know what I am trying to say here, I just needed to get this out because it's making me so angry with myself. I am just so angry and so damn sad.

Well, we made it through Birdies Birthday. It was a nice and quiet day, even as sad as it was it was a good day. The weather turned nice and sunny, so we got to take our walk and Macy was happy for that too. Thank you to all who commented or took the time to send us an email, your all so sweet to think of Birdie and us. I have been feeling some disappointment over the friends and family who didn't acknowledge Birdies Birthday. Some people surprised me with not even a note. It hurts. People that I was sure would remember what March 3rd was last year and will always be for us.

Anyway, we took a lot of photos that I want to share with you. I am just too lazy to get them up here but I will before we leave on Thursday for our vacation.

I am SO ready to get the fuck out of here. I am ready ready ready! We haven' taken a real vacation like this since the first year we were dating when we went to Ireland for 10 days. We are heading to Virginia, where the weather will be more springlike than here and I am told that the flowers should be in bloom! Finally, we can get away and really relax together for a bit and not think about too much. I am also hoping that this vacation will be invigorate my creative juices that have been sort of falling asleep as of late. I have been fighting myself to produce something anything creative....and it's been hard for me. I am still working on the photo project that I started last fall, but was sort of on hiatus.

I hope to find some beautiful old graveyards on this trip, and whatever else might catch my eye and work with my photo series.

Well, thank you again for remembering Birdie on her birthday. It means so much.

Happy Birthday Little Birdie.
We love you, we miss you...we really really miss you.


Here is how it began...(from Matt's notes when I began having contractions on Friday March 2nd early in the morning)

1:00 am in the bath tub
1:40 mucous plug
2:12
2:22 - 60 seconds
2:34 - 30 seconds
2:40 - 65 seconds
2:57 - 65 seconds
3:10 - 75 seconds
3:15 - 60 seconds
3:22 - 60 seconds
3:32 - 75 seconds
3:39 - 65 seconds
3:51 - 65
3:58 - 60
4:02 - 60
4:13 - on the phone w midwife
4:19 - 45 sec small one
4:24 - 60 - standing
4:31 - 30 sec back in tub
4:35 - 55
4:39 - 20 seconds very small
4:46 - 60 seconds
4:51 - 60 oranges
4:56 - 55 toast
5:01 - 50
5:05 - 25 secs
5:10 - 45 secs
5:14 - 55 secs
5:18 -
5:22 - 25 secs out of tub standing
5:32 - mini 15 sec rest
5:40 - intense - puke seeing little white fireflies
5:50 - 55
5:56 - 45
6:02 - back in tub
6:08 - 45
6:13 - 40
6:20 - 45
6:26 - 65
6:33 - 45
6:41 - 40
6:46 - 50
6:51 - 50
6:57 - 3 in here
7:18 - 40
7:23 - 7:28

that is where his notes recording my contractions stop...as one of our midwives had around that time arrived at our home. Less than 24 hrs later, our lives were turned upside down and shaken with amost fierce force and then slammed as hard as possible upon the ground....but then before my eyes my baby became an angel and in some way told me to stay here on earth as her life slipped through my body and into the universe.

It feels really strange this day. This day that was supposed to be really happy, a day that we had both imagined when we were pregnant with Birdie, our child's first birthday. I feel lost in a mental fog right now, and it doesn't even seem real that this day is here. Even now I can remember so clearly seeing and holding Birdie for the first time and then those 3 days that followed. I can't believe that I didn't have a nervous breakdown during that time, or at anytime this past year. I guess that I am a lot stronger in mind than I had really known.

Today just like on this day last year time will stop for us, and carry on for everyone else. Today I will want to just stay in bed all day and just think about her, but I won't, we won't. The fresh air of the mountains nearby are just what we need on this day. Surrounding ourselves in nature is what we will do.


Birdie, my little one. It feels like only yesterday (or today, because it's your day) that we help you so close and felt your warm skin.

You still feel so close to us even though your body has become earthen Ashe.

We keep you close by in your bed that was meant to keep you side by side with us, but now houses all your little toys and paper cranes.

My womb from where you flew with grace into the world has now healed, and on the outside the mark has healed.

But my heart is not healed, nor is Papa's heart. Our hearts will forever remained scarred by your death and scarred by the deepest love for you, our beloved daughter.

We will carry you with us always, even in death.

We are always one together. (Mama/Papa/Birdie)

With greatest enormous eternal love,
Mama & Papa

Labor

On this day, March 2nd of last year I was most definitely in labor. Deep into a very painful labor with a beautiful little girl who we were certain we would soon meet. I thought that maybe today my body would have some sort of reaction, like it would remember what was happening last year. Not so much.

Yesterday we were very happy to receive cards from some very lovely friends that we have made in the last year. As well as receiving 2 gorgeous bouquets of flowers (peruvian lillies I believe) that are today opening and they are just so beautiful (thank you Erica xoxo). It means so much that people remember Birdie, and that on March 3, tomorrow she would be 1. I am afraid that there are some of our friends that will have forgotten and that makes me really sad and a little hurt.

Anyway, tomorrow we will spend alone. Just the 2 of us and the spirit of our beautiful daughter. We got her gifts today as the children's shop we were going to go to will be closed tomorrow. So, a peaceful walk in the woods it shall be. A peaceful walk, and then we will bake her cake, and light one candle and perhaps a small cold breeze will blow it out.

How We Will Honor Our Girl On The 1 year Anniversary of Her Birth

Birdie's birthday is going to be quiet, simple, full of love and tears.

A few months ago I asked Matt what he would like to do for Birdie's Day, or what he was thinking about for her day. Some time ago I had felt and thought it would be nice to just go to the local children's shop and get her a beautiful gift, then maybe go for a walk in the woods, and finally come home and bake her a little cake. When we talked about it together, we were both in agreement. So, I think that is what we are going to do. I hope to also read her some stories and at night light candles upon our mantle, which has become an alter for her. Last night at our local SHARE meeting we were asked about what we were thinking of doing, if we had any plans. It was nice to hear what other families have done for their little ones, and to share our plans for Birdie's Day.

I know it's going to be tough, and the day before will be hard to as I was happily in labor with her and we were so excited to meet her. Well we got to meet our beloved, but it was too late to meet her in life.