Sweetest little Birdie, I am thinking of you every moment of every day. This past Saturday at 3:34am you would have been 3 weeks old. I can't imagine how big you would have grown already, being that you were 9 lbs 5 oz when you were born. What a big girl! My love, I have been thinking so much about everything that happened and I just wish that there was something I could have known to do to prevent you from not being here. I miss you SO much my darling, no WE MISS YOU SO MUCH! We will never stop thinking of you and how beautiful you were (and still are!). Oh Birdie I am so sorry you are not here and alive and cooing like a sweet little baby should. Its all so shocking all over again when I stop and everything here is quiet....I relive everything that happened. I promise to do all that I can to advocate for Stillbirth Research....momma doesn't want anyone else to have to go through what you have gone through. Birdie, it has been raining here for the past few days, and I cannot help but thinking that the rain is your tears. That you are cring because you miss us. We are so sorry you are not here with us Birdie, we love you so much. I hope that you can feel our love for you...it will never fade, EVER.
I have been reading a lot about other parents experiences with stillbirth, in books and on the internet. Yesterday I somehow found an amazing article that I highly reccomend you all read, even if you have not experienced a stillbirth. This article is written by Suzanne Pullen, a reporter for the San Francisco Chronicle. Her firstborn child was stillborn, her subsequent child was born healthy and alive! This is one amazing woman, I hope you will read her story. Also, please be sure to pass on her article to others...we need to work together to raise awareness about Stillbirth and how important that in depth research needs to be done!
Stillbirth Articles by Suzanne Pullen:
Article 1
Article 2
Article 3
Stillbirth Resources:
BABY LOSS DIRECTORY
THE NATIONAL STILLBIRTH SOCIETY
THE MISSING ANGEL FOUNDATION
THE PREGNANCY INSTITUTE
PROTECT YOUR PREGNANCY
I hope that this information, these links will help some of you out there who are seeking out as much info about Stillbirth as I am. I find that I cannot spend enough time reading books and being on the computer searching and searching. I know that there will never be a definative answer for what happened to our Birdie, but if I can educate myseld about this and possible do something to help other families before this happens to them then that is what I will do. Nobody should EVER have to deal with this kind of tradgedy in thier lives, NOBODY!
I also want to again thank the so many of you out there who have written us...you are all so special. Thank you so much!
Lastly...if there are any of you in the Northeast side of the country who are interested in getting together to talk, go for walks, get coffee whatever let me know. I would like to try and set something up for moms who have experienced Stillbirth, and I am also looking for women who are road bikers/and or racers who would be interested in a road race to raise money for one of the above causes that I have listed. Oh, and also....in the next year Matt and I will begin working on a film to raise awareness about Stillbirth. We would love to hear from folks who might be interested in sharing thier story.
Thank you all for reading Birdie's blog, you are all helping to keep her precious memory alive!
All our love, Erin & Matt
12 comments:
Thank you for the links, I will definitely educate myself on this.
What a great job of taking something that happened so close to you, to helping others.
That is so positive.
I think about you from time to time in my daily life. Wishing you the best.
I'm still thinking on you constantly and I'm so happy to hear that you are going to use your information to help others. There is a fellow blogger named Karla who also tragically lost her newborn daughter almost two years ago and she has gone on to deliver her healthy baby boy this past december. Her blog is untanglingknots.blogspot.com it might be of interest to you, still prayin' for you and Matt!
Erin, I was going to email you but could find your link, anyway, what I will do is reorganise all my links with a definitive links list of all the stillbirth Mum's I know of out there and make the job of find them much easier on you. also, a few of these Mum's have just organised a new site/directory for stillbirth called Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Blog Directory that's found at http://babylossdirectory.blogspot.com/ they are a great bunch of women who's personal blogs tell many tales of the hard road such a loss is. I think your idea of making a film is wonderful. and oh so brave. There is an Australian film called Losing Layla which I highly recommend you see someday. I think the photo's of Birdie are beautiful and so very precious. You are very lucky to have such beautiful pictures to remember her by. Stillbirth is so very hard. It hurts so very deeply. it's truelly heartbreaking. when I said the stillbirth community helped me, what I meant was the community of stillbirth blogging mums. They 'got it' when I felt tired of 'educating' people. and please know I really am thinking of you throughout your tragic loss. xClare
“Cause there are holes in the floor of Heaven
And her tears are pouring down
That's how you know she's watching
Wishing she could be here now
Sometimes if you're lonely
Just remember she can see
There are holes in the floor of Heaven
And she's watching over you and me”
Holes in the Floor of Heaven
By Steve Wariner
This is the chorus of a country song I thought of when I was reading your blog. I don’t know if you listen to country music. I know when I am in pain music can help me sometimes. I think it is so wonderful that you are taking this tragedy and turning it into something that can help people. It takes very strong people to do that.
Love Julie
I am so sad for your loss. Your Birdie is beautiful. I know there is very little to bring you comfort at this time, but I can tell you that someday you will be so grateful to have all of these beautiful photos. That is one of my regrets. We have very few photos of our twins who we lost to premature birth.
I also understand the need to educate yourself. I immersed myself in everything I could find on prematurity after our loss, and like stillbirth, there is sadly a tremendous lack of quality data and studies. I wanted to point you to two other resources that you may not have come across yet. One is the MissingGRACE organization. They work very closely with Dr. Collins of the Pregnancy Institute. I believe he is speaking at their upcoming conference. The website is www.missinggrace.org
Also, there is a beautiful book called "Life Touches Life" by Lorraine Ash, that I would highly recommend.
Please accept my heartfelt sympathy and thoughts for peace. It will come... but it will take a long time. I'm so sorry.
Birdie, you beautiful girl, I'm so sorry you can't be here with your parents. Erin & Matt, I'm so sorry for your pain. Your family photos are very moving.
I'm still thinking of you all the time. You are such a strong family. What strength and power you have to create this cause and awareness right now. I know Birdie is right there with you, with her SHINING spirit, and she always will be. I wish I were closer, we could have coffee. I live in Utah, and am in Arizona right now. I'm starting to educate myself about Stillbirth. I am so sorry. I've been reading your blog for a long time now ever sinced I was doing a search for vegan babies and found it. I always would tell my husband...those are the 2 happiest people I have ever seen. And I knew Birdie would have a perfect life full of love. It has been so hard lately, but I know that what I thought, is true. She had a perfect, loving time with you, where I know you both spoiled her for 9 months and she was so happy and loved, and now she is still with you, always your daughter, still perfect and loved.
I cry a lot for you, but through your example, I will turn this pain into knowledge and power. Birdie will live forever.
I love her, and you. Your light, which you passed on to her, shines so bright, I can feel it over here. You are an amazing family.
Kim
Birdie, I wish you were here with your mom and dad. Erin and Matt, I am so so sorry that you must know this terrible pain and shock.
http://babylossdirectory.blogspot.com/
thought you might find this a help
sending all love & care
Denise
xx
The absolute best book, in my opinion, is "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart" by Deborah Davis.
Your daughter is so beautiful. And it had done me good to raise stillbirth awareness after the death of our son, C. I hope that you find the same to be true as you honour the memory of your precious Birdie with your work.
I delivered our first daughter at 19.5 weeks in 2003. She did not make it. I know how hard it is and I know how much it helps to talk. I live in NY (Westchester). I am not sure how close this is to you, but I would love to meet up if it is.
Erin and Matt,
You don't know me, You probably never will. My heart is BROKEN hearing your story. Birdie is such a beautiful girl, it breaks my heart to see how much you are both hurting in those pictures. I cannot imagine your pain, but I pray for you to find peace. Bless you both for being so strong and educating others on stillbirths.
I will continue to keep you 3 in my prayers.
Sarah
Post a Comment