On My Mind
I have so very much to share, about the gallery opening this past saturday, about Holdyn, about Birdie and the topic that inevitably invades me around this time of the year. Homebirth. I think about this a lot, but a conversation that I had yesterday sort of accidentally at an Attachment Parenting group got me thinking about it heavily. There were 2 mothers there who had been lucky enough to have successful homebirths. I left with a nasty taste in my mouth and a pang in my heart. The conversation about this was light, but I felt the tears welling up as I told one of the mothers how I was so very happy that she had her baby there with her and alive, the other mother who was more gentle about the subject quietly told me when it was just me and her that she too had given birth at home, I again expressed my joy that she had her baby there with her. I explained that I could not help but feel great concern over homebirth, and for mothers who even entertain the thought of going "through" with it.
I have much more to say about this, about everything on my mind. I need to get it all out and up here, I will try to later this evening. I also have pictures of dear little Holdyn!!! 4 1/2 months! Can you believe it!
xo--Erin
UPDATE: In response to a comment from Rosegin I wrote:
NO SHIT, really babies die in hospitals too huh? That's news to me! Of course I know they die in hospital to, I know way too many parents of babies who died in hospital.
However, as the mother of a baby who died perhaps because of my poor decision (to attempt a homebirth), I do not feel it IS safe (FYI- I have heard from other mothers who have had full term loses due to homebirth as well). The whole idea behind homebirth nowadays is purely emotional and selfish, it's about the "experience".
I learned a very razor sharp lesson, IT'S NOT THE EXPERIENCE THAT IS MOST IMPORTANT, IT'S GIVING BIRTH TO A LIVE BABY! Yes, as a recovering homebirthing mother with a dead baby....I FEEL HOSPITAL IS MUCH SAFER!
This debate is rediculous! Seek out a birth center/hospital that is respectful of what you want and at the same time has the health of the baby as priority #1, I know for some these places are few and far between...but they ARE out there!
I am sick and tired of the whining about this! How about it's time for the docs and midwives to form an alliance where "Homebirth" can happen in the safety of the hospital establishment. Come on people, it's time to grow up!
9 comments:
I have great sympathy for you. I can't imagine what you have gone through, what you are still going through. However, home birth IS safe. Babies die in hospitals, too. Should the mothers of those babies blame "hospital birth" for the death of their babies? In your way of thinking, yes, they certainly should. There are plenty of hospitals in this country that do not have anesthesiologists in house at all times. In other words, a "stat" c-section can't happen. Who do we blame when a baby dies in that situation? The mother? The doctors? The hospital?
I am sorry for your loss and I will continue to pray for you and your family. I know you will never heal, how could you? It isn't possible, in a case like this.
Erin, I find myself feeling the same way about natural birth in general.. it's a sucky place to be.. I used to be such an advocate for natural birth, the whole beautiful eperience. I was supposed to have this amazing vbac with Dresden, then he died and I never had been so happy that Gwen was born by c-section..gave me the ability to chose how he was born.. I don't dwell on it too much, but every so often the what if comes in to say, if only I had scheduled an early repeat c-section.. would he be alive? Now, I am destined for a life of cesareans, and I just don't even care.. all I want is a living baby to bring home.. that's what we all want, right? Big hugs to you!
NO SHIT, really babies die in hospitals too huh? That's news to me! Of course I know they die in hospital to, I know way too many parents of babies who died in hospital.
However, as the mother of a baby who died perhaps because of my poor decision, I do not feel it IS safe. The whole idea behind homebirth nowadays is purely emotional and selfish, it's about the "experience".
I learned a very razor sharp lesson, IT'S NOT THE EXPERIENCE THAT IS MOST IMPORTANT, IT'S GIVING BIRTH TO A LIVE BABY! Yes, as a recovering homebirthing mother with a dead baby....I FEEL HOSPITAL IS MUCH SAFER!
This debate is rediculous! Seek out a birth center/hospital that is respectful of what you want and at the same time has the health of the baby as priority #1, I know for some these places are few and far between...but they ARE out there!
Thank you for sharing. I have been rading your blog for awhile, but I am not sure if I have ever commented.
I don'tknwo how to ask you about this without it sounding like I am questioning you, but that isn't my intention.
As you say, I kow babies can die, anywhere that you are. I am currently pregnant with my third, and I have been tentatively planning a homebith: after ne hospital birth and one birthcenter birth. The experience isn't my issue- frankly, I know it would be a lot less work for me ( prep-wise) if I used a birthcenter. It is just that after my last birth, my biggest concern is more of a parenting issue. And while I understand that people leave older children to birth new siblings at a hospital all of the time, I am having a really hard time with it. I am really bothered by the fact that at the hospital or birth center, someone else dictates how I parent my other childre; at a time that is just as, if not mre, life changing for them thanfor me.
I had read your story before, and I want you to know how much it has and is weighing on my heart. I had convinced myself that with the history of my last two births, and with a highly qualified midwife on hand, that I amnot taking any unncessesary risk. BUT... don't want to justify what I a wanting to do because of the differences between your situation and mine. Like I said, I only reasoned it out because of those differences and teh safety I felt that they offered- but that seems so unfair to you and to your baby girl.Anyhow, I kind of hijacked your comments here, but I just wantd yu to know that your words are not falling on deaf ears.
Thank you for sharing. I have been rading your blog for awhile, but I am not sure if I have ever commented.
I don'tknwo how to ask you about this without it sounding like I am questioning you, but that isn't my intention.
As you say, I kow babies can die, anywhere that you are. I am currently pregnant with my third, and I have been tentatively planning a homebith: after ne hospital birth and one birthcenter birth. The experience isn't my issue- frankly, I know it would be a lot less work for me ( prep-wise) if I used a birthcenter. It is just that after my last birth, my biggest concern is more of a parenting issue. And while I understand that people leave older children to birth new siblings at a hospital all of the time, I am having a really hard time with it. I am really bothered by the fact that at the hospital or birth center, someone else dictates how I parent my other childre; at a time that is just as, if not mre, life changing for them thanfor me.
I had read your story before, and I want you to know how much it has and is weighing on my heart. I had convinced myself that with the history of my last two births, and with a highly qualified midwife on hand, that I amnot taking any unncessesary risk. BUT... don't want to justify what I a wanting to do because of the differences between your situation and mine. Like I said, I only reasoned it out because of those differences and teh safety I felt that they offered- but that seems so unfair to you and to your baby girl.Anyhow, I kind of hijacked your comments here, but I just wantd yu to know that your words are not falling on deaf ears.
I know someone who did a home birth and everything worked out fine. And of course we all know of hospital births where it didn't. It's just luck of the draw and it sucks. I guess if you're low risk then go for it if that's your cup of tea, after all women have been giving birth without hospitals for a long time. I, unfortunately, am high risk so I don't have that option. But then I don't think I would have wanted to try anyway. Right now I'd settle for anything as long as I got a baby. First I have to work on getting pregnant again and then staying that way....
Dear Erin.... You are so right, there is no debate here. My heart aches for you also that you found out the hard way... for that I'm truly sorry. But I too have learned this from life experiences but not my own. Also having worked in the OB/Nursery unit for 6 years I agree, babies do die in the hospital, sad but true it happens. But there are instances that a hospital setting would have made the difference. Mothers who choose home birth are CERTAINLY NOT looking to harm their baby, I mean that would be rediculous!! But sometimes it takes a sad experience of either yourself or a loved one to really realize the difference of a home or hospital birth. I give you more credit Erin that words can say for trying so hard to get people educated about this. Others can truly learn... and instead of keeping it all in you are out to help others. Bless your heart. Hugs to you...
I was a strong proponent of natural birth/homebirth until everything that possibly could go wrong did go wrong during the course of my labor. Perhaps my decision to have a hospital birth is one of the reasons I have my son with me here today. Perhaps that was not a factor at all. I think it had to have been, as I required a c-section delivery.
There are happy home birth stories and sad home birth stories. Although there are women can rejoice in sharing a happy story, I think it is important to not let that joy detract from the very real, very sad stories that often fall on deaf or plugged ears. There are risks and uncertainties in home birth and we need to listen to the Mamas coming from a place of unwanted experience and unfortunate wisdom.
As for homebirth, it has nothing to do with being high risk, low risk. I mean ok it does if your high risk, but I can speak for both Erin and myself in that our first babies died after a low risk pregnancy surrounding a planned homebirth.
Just my two cents, I am not now opposed to home birth, I just want to make sure sure each mama know's it is a luck of the draw..things can go bad fast and unforseen, so be prepared to deal with that is all, those extra 10 minutes travelling to the hospital can mean the differance in life and death. That being said, if this go right, awesome, 2 of my best friends had their babies at home, safe and sound.
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