Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
I'm On Demand, I Mean My Breasts Are...And I'm NOT Complaining!
I LOVE it! I Wouldn't have it ANY other way!
Today our little sweetheart is 10 weeks. He is so very yummy!
Holdyn is doing so well, he is such a thriving little baby. At his 2 month check-up he weighed in at 12lbs 3oz! He's just great, and so am I, I mean that I am feeling really good, and happy to be losing some weight!
I want to share with you something that has been eating at me a little for a while (no pun intended!). Every once in a while people in my life have made comments about my feeding Holdyn (or holding/wearing him so much). Usually just little comments like, "He's hungry again?", "He just ate". Or something like that. It's hard for me to hear these things, especially after losing Birdie. It's getting more annoying to have people asking me this. YES! he is hungry OK? I know the sounds, the cry and the grimace he makes when he's hungry. Yes, he gets to eat when he is hungry, yes maybe I am a human pacifier too, and that is OK! Hearing this has started to make me question my intuition and my mothering, and I don't want to be made to feel like this. He's my son and I will feed him on demand for as long as he wants to nurse. I will also wear/hold him as much as possible until he no longer wants to be! I will listen to my intuition about this, hell I will listen to my intuition about everything when it comes to Holdyn. It's heartbreaking to have my judgement questioned like that.
How do I nicely say this to someone? How do I remind them that I was robbed of all of this with Birdie? I feel like this alone should stop them from their comments or questioning. I am his mother, not you, and so I am making the right decisions for my sweet little baby.
Have you had to deal with this? How did you handle it calmy?
10 Week photos coming soon!
I LOVE it! I Wouldn't have it ANY other way!
Today our little sweetheart is 10 weeks. He is so very yummy!
Holdyn is doing so well, he is such a thriving little baby. At his 2 month check-up he weighed in at 12lbs 3oz! He's just great, and so am I, I mean that I am feeling really good, and happy to be losing some weight!
I want to share with you something that has been eating at me a little for a while (no pun intended!). Every once in a while people in my life have made comments about my feeding Holdyn (or holding/wearing him so much). Usually just little comments like, "He's hungry again?", "He just ate". Or something like that. It's hard for me to hear these things, especially after losing Birdie. It's getting more annoying to have people asking me this. YES! he is hungry OK? I know the sounds, the cry and the grimace he makes when he's hungry. Yes, he gets to eat when he is hungry, yes maybe I am a human pacifier too, and that is OK! Hearing this has started to make me question my intuition and my mothering, and I don't want to be made to feel like this. He's my son and I will feed him on demand for as long as he wants to nurse. I will also wear/hold him as much as possible until he no longer wants to be! I will listen to my intuition about this, hell I will listen to my intuition about everything when it comes to Holdyn. It's heartbreaking to have my judgement questioned like that.
How do I nicely say this to someone? How do I remind them that I was robbed of all of this with Birdie? I feel like this alone should stop them from their comments or questioning. I am his mother, not you, and so I am making the right decisions for my sweet little baby.
Have you had to deal with this? How did you handle it calmy?
10 Week photos coming soon!
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Sister and Brother
Their likeness is undeniable.
I have a lot on my mind these days. Birdie has nestled herself back into my thoughts, not that I had stopped thinking about her, no not at all. After Holdyn was born I was so beside myself with amazement that he was actually ALIVE and obviously my mind was overtaken with him. I am still in that AMAZED state of mind everyday and I probably always will be as long as I live. After many days of feeling a little confused about how to find a new way to integrate Birdie and Holdyn into my life, together as brother and sister I feel like it has happened, the puzzle piece is clicked into place. I can't really explain how it's working, I just know that it is.
By the way, Holdyn stares at pictures of Birdie. It's pretty amazing to see, he really fixates on her.
FYI, I am typing with TWO hands! Holdyn is right here with me, sleeping peacefully upon the nursing pillow right up close to me....the best place for him to be! I just can't get enough of him, he is just delish! I am still wearing him all the time, and I am so glad that we started wearing him when we did because he might not have gotten to like it. Anyways, he likes it so very much, how cuddly it is to be so close to each other, it's such a euphoric feeling for me. Not to mention how healing it feels and I know how nurturing and loving it is for my boy. Only the best for my boy! (PLUS, during the winter months aka "Cold Season", wearing him keeps him at a distance from people who might have yucky germs that could make him sick! Ahhhh baby wearing it ROCKS!!!)
What's kind of funny about wearing him is when we take Macy for a walk. We live in a small city that is shall I say...not so enlightened, or exposed to such things as baby wearing. So, I am sure when people see a big lump in my coat, they are lauphing or saying WTF is that, or what the hell is wrong with that woman? Anyway, I am speculating all of this of course, but I have gotten a few strange looks.
This past weekend we went and got a tree...you know the kind you hang ornaments on and put presents under? We didn't do the holidays last year, but this year we are happy to celebrate and be with family.
Here are some photos to feast on!
Their likeness is undeniable.
I have a lot on my mind these days. Birdie has nestled herself back into my thoughts, not that I had stopped thinking about her, no not at all. After Holdyn was born I was so beside myself with amazement that he was actually ALIVE and obviously my mind was overtaken with him. I am still in that AMAZED state of mind everyday and I probably always will be as long as I live. After many days of feeling a little confused about how to find a new way to integrate Birdie and Holdyn into my life, together as brother and sister I feel like it has happened, the puzzle piece is clicked into place. I can't really explain how it's working, I just know that it is.
By the way, Holdyn stares at pictures of Birdie. It's pretty amazing to see, he really fixates on her.
FYI, I am typing with TWO hands! Holdyn is right here with me, sleeping peacefully upon the nursing pillow right up close to me....the best place for him to be! I just can't get enough of him, he is just delish! I am still wearing him all the time, and I am so glad that we started wearing him when we did because he might not have gotten to like it. Anyways, he likes it so very much, how cuddly it is to be so close to each other, it's such a euphoric feeling for me. Not to mention how healing it feels and I know how nurturing and loving it is for my boy. Only the best for my boy! (PLUS, during the winter months aka "Cold Season", wearing him keeps him at a distance from people who might have yucky germs that could make him sick! Ahhhh baby wearing it ROCKS!!!)
What's kind of funny about wearing him is when we take Macy for a walk. We live in a small city that is shall I say...not so enlightened, or exposed to such things as baby wearing. So, I am sure when people see a big lump in my coat, they are lauphing or saying WTF is that, or what the hell is wrong with that woman? Anyway, I am speculating all of this of course, but I have gotten a few strange looks.
This past weekend we went and got a tree...you know the kind you hang ornaments on and put presents under? We didn't do the holidays last year, but this year we are happy to celebrate and be with family.
Here are some photos to feast on!
Sunday, November 30, 2008
8 Weeks With Holdyn, A Photographic Extravaganza!
Whoa!
Holdyn, you are already 2 months old! I really can't believe that your 2 months old already! Even though I get to spend everyday with you, I don't know how the days have gone by so quickly. I don't let them slip through my hands easily, but still the sun rises and sets. The sun rises and sets with you. You are the first thing I wake up to, beautifully and peacefully sleeping or nursing. You are the last thing I gaze upon before I fall asleep at night. You are amazing in so many ways, you inspire me and fill me with so much joy. I am so very proud and happy to be your mama.
In the last few weeks you have been sneeking us a smile here and there. Your smiles are becoming more frequent, and I melt every time I see a smile beginning to appear on your precious little mouth. Your eyelashes are SO long, they are most definitely your Papa's lashes. You are also getting very adorably chubby! There must be some sweet cream coming out of Mama's boobs!
I Love You!!!
XOXOXOXO
Mama
Whoa!
Holdyn, you are already 2 months old! I really can't believe that your 2 months old already! Even though I get to spend everyday with you, I don't know how the days have gone by so quickly. I don't let them slip through my hands easily, but still the sun rises and sets. The sun rises and sets with you. You are the first thing I wake up to, beautifully and peacefully sleeping or nursing. You are the last thing I gaze upon before I fall asleep at night. You are amazing in so many ways, you inspire me and fill me with so much joy. I am so very proud and happy to be your mama.
In the last few weeks you have been sneeking us a smile here and there. Your smiles are becoming more frequent, and I melt every time I see a smile beginning to appear on your precious little mouth. Your eyelashes are SO long, they are most definitely your Papa's lashes. You are also getting very adorably chubby! There must be some sweet cream coming out of Mama's boobs!
I Love You!!!
XOXOXOXO
Mama
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
PLEASE HELP
This is baby Andrew.
(THIS IS RE-POSTED FROM MY DEAR FRIEND CAROL'S BLOG - THE HAPPY SAD MAMA, Baby Andrew is her cousin's baby, he is very sick with congenital leukemia. Please read the rest of the post below, if you can help him, PLEASE do!)
If you're reading this, I am guessing there is about a 90% chance that you know somebody who is pregnant.
If you do, (or if you are), please do this: copy down this address
http://www.cryo-intl.com/enroll/donating
This is the enrollment form to donate umbilical cord blood. It is very easy to do, you have to download and submit forms by the end of your 34th week (and get your doc's signature) and be planning a birth at an approved hospital (all the ones in my area were approved, you can call the number to see if yours is also on the list).
This week, my cousin's baby, Andrew, who is very sick with congenital leukemia, is receiving a bone marrow transplant that is from donated cord blood. His life will literally be saved (we hope and pray) because somebody out there took the time to fill out a few papers, get their doc to sign them, and sent them in. Imagine that instead of your (or your friend's) cord being tossed out as medical waste, it could potentially prevent a very sick baby or child from dying.
Do it now. Copy the address, pass it on. If you are pregnant, download the forms right now.
Please?
RSVP. I would be curious to see how many of you are able to pass this information on, or to use it yourself. Imagine if your cord blood could save this baby's life. Wouldn't you do it?
This is baby Andrew.
(THIS IS RE-POSTED FROM MY DEAR FRIEND CAROL'S BLOG - THE HAPPY SAD MAMA, Baby Andrew is her cousin's baby, he is very sick with congenital leukemia. Please read the rest of the post below, if you can help him, PLEASE do!)
If you're reading this, I am guessing there is about a 90% chance that you know somebody who is pregnant.
If you do, (or if you are), please do this: copy down this address
http://www.cryo-intl.com/enroll/donating
This is the enrollment form to donate umbilical cord blood. It is very easy to do, you have to download and submit forms by the end of your 34th week (and get your doc's signature) and be planning a birth at an approved hospital (all the ones in my area were approved, you can call the number to see if yours is also on the list).
This week, my cousin's baby, Andrew, who is very sick with congenital leukemia, is receiving a bone marrow transplant that is from donated cord blood. His life will literally be saved (we hope and pray) because somebody out there took the time to fill out a few papers, get their doc to sign them, and sent them in. Imagine that instead of your (or your friend's) cord being tossed out as medical waste, it could potentially prevent a very sick baby or child from dying.
Do it now. Copy the address, pass it on. If you are pregnant, download the forms right now.
Please?
RSVP. I would be curious to see how many of you are able to pass this information on, or to use it yourself. Imagine if your cord blood could save this baby's life. Wouldn't you do it?
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Holdyn RULES!
Today, just now...he smiled at me! While taking a little rest from nursing...HE SMILED AT ME!
He's been practicing his smile from the day he was born while sleeping. Now, it's for real! He smiled at Matt the other night and we were both in heaven! Today though, just about 10 minutes ago, he gave me a smile and my heart just melted onto the floor.
For a few weeks now I have noticed suttle little changes to Holdyn, I mean how could I not were together all the time (and I would have it no other way!).
1. His eyelashes; they started to peek out a few weeks ago...and now we can really notice them growing! I think they are going to be really long like his Papa's.
2. His hair seems to be getting thinner and lighter in color. Perhaps he will also be a blondie like his Papa was!
3. Chub. Sweet little Holdyn is getting Chubby! He has not just 2 adorable chins....but sometimes 3!
Of course with these changes I am also thing a lot about Birdie. It especially cannot be helped because he has her face. That sweet angelic and lovely face. I have been thinking of her, but I also feel that I have "lost" her a little bit, I can't really describe what I mean by that only that I feel a little bit of a distance from her. I am feeling guilty and hurt by these feelings. Perhaps it's just because I am so distracted? I'm not sure.
For those who are also Babylost, have you felt this way after subsequent birth?
Also, have any of you ever done crazyquilting? Or quilting and then embroidery upon it? I am going to be starting a new addition to my grieving project (the photographs), in the next few months, using the crazy quilting technique and then embroidery upon it (I don't want to be too specific yet!).
Today, just now...he smiled at me! While taking a little rest from nursing...HE SMILED AT ME!
He's been practicing his smile from the day he was born while sleeping. Now, it's for real! He smiled at Matt the other night and we were both in heaven! Today though, just about 10 minutes ago, he gave me a smile and my heart just melted onto the floor.
For a few weeks now I have noticed suttle little changes to Holdyn, I mean how could I not were together all the time (and I would have it no other way!).
1. His eyelashes; they started to peek out a few weeks ago...and now we can really notice them growing! I think they are going to be really long like his Papa's.
2. His hair seems to be getting thinner and lighter in color. Perhaps he will also be a blondie like his Papa was!
3. Chub. Sweet little Holdyn is getting Chubby! He has not just 2 adorable chins....but sometimes 3!
Of course with these changes I am also thing a lot about Birdie. It especially cannot be helped because he has her face. That sweet angelic and lovely face. I have been thinking of her, but I also feel that I have "lost" her a little bit, I can't really describe what I mean by that only that I feel a little bit of a distance from her. I am feeling guilty and hurt by these feelings. Perhaps it's just because I am so distracted? I'm not sure.
For those who are also Babylost, have you felt this way after subsequent birth?
Also, have any of you ever done crazyquilting? Or quilting and then embroidery upon it? I am going to be starting a new addition to my grieving project (the photographs), in the next few months, using the crazy quilting technique and then embroidery upon it (I don't want to be too specific yet!).
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
WE DID IT!
History has been made. Hope for this country is here, this nation's hunger for change was so great, and so strong and we ALL made this happen!
Last night Matt, and I sat glued to my computer screen watching MSNBC'S live feed, and Holdyn was glued to the breast. For hours we waited for the news to unfold, for the votes to be counted and the electoral votes to be awarded.
And then... it happened, out of nowhere my computer froze: and then it unfroze to hear Brian Williams say, "There will be children living in the white house again", "We project Barack Obama is the next president of The United States".
There was silence in our house....and then we both began to cry, and cry tears of joy, tears of happiness and relief. What a beautiful moment in history! The healing that so many have been longing for began in an instant. Finally our past can be put behind us, and we can see a future, a bright gleaming future where we are ALL seen as equal, where we are ALL given a chance and opportunities, YES WE CAN!
The hopes and the dreams that Martin Luther King saw so vividly in his mind, and so many others saw during the civil rights movement have come to pass. We are ALL sisters and brothers regardless of skin color, we are all ONE. We celebrate this great victory as one people, as Americans. It has been a VERY LONG TIME since I have felt proud of my country, but today, because of these barriers that have been broken, because of the re-newed hope in my heart I AM proud.
CHECK THIS OUT! Hampshire College Celebrates Obama's Victory! YOU MUST WATCH THE WHOLE THING! I CRIED THROUGH THE WHOLE THING!
History has been made. Hope for this country is here, this nation's hunger for change was so great, and so strong and we ALL made this happen!
Last night Matt, and I sat glued to my computer screen watching MSNBC'S live feed, and Holdyn was glued to the breast. For hours we waited for the news to unfold, for the votes to be counted and the electoral votes to be awarded.
And then... it happened, out of nowhere my computer froze: and then it unfroze to hear Brian Williams say, "There will be children living in the white house again", "We project Barack Obama is the next president of The United States".
There was silence in our house....and then we both began to cry, and cry tears of joy, tears of happiness and relief. What a beautiful moment in history! The healing that so many have been longing for began in an instant. Finally our past can be put behind us, and we can see a future, a bright gleaming future where we are ALL seen as equal, where we are ALL given a chance and opportunities, YES WE CAN!
The hopes and the dreams that Martin Luther King saw so vividly in his mind, and so many others saw during the civil rights movement have come to pass. We are ALL sisters and brothers regardless of skin color, we are all ONE. We celebrate this great victory as one people, as Americans. It has been a VERY LONG TIME since I have felt proud of my country, but today, because of these barriers that have been broken, because of the re-newed hope in my heart I AM proud.
CHECK THIS OUT! Hampshire College Celebrates Obama's Victory! YOU MUST WATCH THE WHOLE THING! I CRIED THROUGH THE WHOLE THING!
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Sunday, November 02, 2008
1 Month
Poor baby, he was so mad at me for taking off his nice cozy blanket during our skin to skin time. I can't believe it, I knew it would come to pass...he would turn 1 month old! Oh sweet baby, I know you will continue to grow but I promise to not let it happen too fast, we shall take each day in slowly and let them out slowly.
Holdyn my little tiny love, I love you ever so much, more than I will ever be able to tell you. You have brought so much healing to my broken heart. Your amazing, your a miracle...I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!
Poor baby, he was so mad at me for taking off his nice cozy blanket during our skin to skin time. I can't believe it, I knew it would come to pass...he would turn 1 month old! Oh sweet baby, I know you will continue to grow but I promise to not let it happen too fast, we shall take each day in slowly and let them out slowly.
Holdyn my little tiny love, I love you ever so much, more than I will ever be able to tell you. You have brought so much healing to my broken heart. Your amazing, your a miracle...I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)