Our Miracle.



I cannot believe he is here, asleep beside me. His little chest rising and falling with sweet baby breath. Nor can I believe that he will be a year old in a matter of weeks...

Everyday I fall more in love with this sweet little boy, our miracle. I study the way he observes life happening and unfolding around him. I want nothing but to be close to him at all times, this I cannot help (nor do I want to!).

Tomorrow this life that I am living could all end. So, I must take each precious moment to love and devote myself with all my heart and soul to my son. He is my healer and my guide.

Growing In Love.

This little boy...



This sweet little miracle of life and love is nearly 11 months old, and before we know it, he will be 12 months old. In the blink of an eye, my son will be one. It's no joke, that the days do go by very swiftly, though I still try hard to not let them drift away easily. Not without making sure each day is filled with fun, joy and boundless love.

This has been such an incredible year. A year of new life, and year of transition, of learning and growing. A year of loving and remembering, a year of bittersweet sadness mixed up, shaken and stirred with joy and hope and renewal.

This blog has been almost like a life-line for me at times. Without having the ability to write all my honest thoughts here and share them as I have and "hear" your response...or silence, I might not be as almost totally sane as I am able to be today. Though at times I may seem crass and harsh, my thoughts are raw, they are true and honest. I know that I might make some folks upset, and I apologize, I cannot help what is in my head sometimes.

Anyways, Holdyn is amazing...and he still looks like his sister. I will always think this, especially while he is asleep...he looks just like her. It's gorgeous to see, and gorgeous to hear each and every bellow of air that rises and falls within his lungs. I am still amazed by this.

I am thinking very much about Birdie these days, but having trouble finding the words to express my thoughts. I have been drawing a little bit when I can, that is helping me at the moment. When I have been thinking of Birdie, in my mind I see shapes...I don't know what these shapes are or represent, so I am trying to re-create them on paper. The drawings I have been able to get onto paper feel like they are the beginnings of something larger (very large scale drawings).





Anyway...it's getting late and I really, really want to snuggle up to my sweet little boy. So, I will close this post.

Goodnight. =)

MORE!!!

10 Months (these are a few weeks late!)

Let The Baby Cry It Out? Why?

The sound of my sweet little baby crying just kills me. NO I do not let him just cry it out. I swiftly respond to my little Bunny when he is feeling sad or frustrated and needs a cuddle or a boob and whaddya know, he calms down and is contented and happy. The only thing allowing him to "cry it out" would do is stress us both out and make us both very sad and unhappy.

I was so sad today to hear a baby in a carriage being left to "cry it out". There were 4 people walking along with the baby in the carriage who was SCREAMING, and not a one of the adults even bothered look at, talk to or sooth the SCREAMING child in any way! I myself was about ready to start crying out of empathy for the poor little baby...or burst out some profanities at the idiot parents!

It pangs my heart when people ignore the cries of a little one who cannot communicate in any other way. They are crying to say "I need something", "I need you to pick me up!"

The whole "Let the baby cry it out" theory is bullshit, heartbreaking and stressful for babies (and parents!).

This way of parenting is a missed opportunity to hold and comfort the baby, a helpless beautiful being who simply needs a snuggle or a boob to feel OK.

There are many things that I see parents doing and not doing for their children that break my heart and make me want to cry, or say something OUT LOUD! This, this is one of those things...

Please, don't just let your little baby cry themselves to sleep, or cry through feeling sad or mad or frustration (and even worse tell them "it's not that bad" "stop crying" etc). There is NOTHING wrong with picking them up and snuggling them to make them feel secure and safe.

Oh and please don't try to tell me that by doing this you are "spoiling" the child. Give me a break! No, sorry, but by responding with love and kindness you are showing your child that they can count on you, that they can trust you, that you are there for them when they need you.

Pick that baby up, for we know not what tomorrow might bring. For I know all too well the fragility of life. Today I am here, today I am alive and so is my husband and child. Tomorrow, it could all disappear. SO, I snuggle, I kiss, I love my little Holdyn to the best of my ability EVERY MOMENT of EVERY DAY. Each and every second with him is a miracle.

A Week In Pictures

















(by the way the fireplace he's crawling in front of doesn't work, it's only for decoration...)

Holdyn is 9 Months Old!




















This little boy, the light of my life. Oh how he brings me joy! Such great, great joy and boundless happiness.

Holdyn is such a happy and contented little guy. He really never complains at all, AT ALL (unless he teething is bothering him). Everywhere we go people always comment on how calm he is and they always ask us "Is he always so quiet?" Yes, yes he is a very happy and calm baby. Hmmmmm, maybe this babywearing really does make him happy after all! Yah think? I never doubted it, but there were plenty who did!

Anyways. As I was saying, Holdyn is amazing in every way imaginable. He is getting around so fast now on his hands and knees, he's a spitfire! We have done pretty well with the babyproofing thus far, and cleared out a whole room for him in the house. We do spend a good amount of our days on the porch, and that can be a little tricky at times since it's not totally babyproof out there! All in all he does pretty well, and he's discovered some of the flower pots full of dirt (organic soil) from last year. I never did get around to planting any flowers this year.

Oh well...there's always next year! Hopefully by then we will have a house of our own to plant a permanent garden for Birdie.

FYI we put an offer on a house this week!