Mothers Day...oh boy was that a day. We went to a special Mothers Day walk for mamas who have lost a baby.... The walk was organized by a truely amazing mama & papa. I felt so blessed to have become aquainted with this mama, who is also mama to a stillbirth daughter. She reached out to me within days of hearing about Birdie. I feel so blessed to know her, and inspired by her strength and hope.
Most of our family joined us on the walk, which was good, though I know it was hard on some of them. For me the walk realy gave me hope for the future, as there were SO MANY families who had had a loss that were there with their beautiful susequent babies and toddlers. It was not as hard for me to see these children because I knew how they came to be...and I knew that the parents of the children did not take these babies for granted, not in the slightest. I immediately connected with one mommy in particular who had her gorgeous twins there with her and her husband....she was simply radiant in her continued grief for her baby who was not with them in life, and in her deepest love for her brand new babies, her first born and her husband. We held each other as we walked, with one of her twins in tow....I touched her babies finger and could feel the lovely innocent energy from the child to my heart and my memories of touching Birdies fingers. What sweet sweet finger Birdie had....I love to look at pictures of her and stare at her fingers....really all of her. Birdie is so lovely.
So, Mamas day was ok. It was hard, but it felt SO good and so important to have taken part in the walk to remember our babies. It felt comforting to be surrounded by so many others who have also been in the exact place we are. Though, I would not havce wished to have been surrounded by so many....I would have wished these people to not have known such a loss. I had a really REALLY bad day yesterday, for so many reasons. I just cannot understand why people have been so cruel. They truly don't know me, us or our situation.
Today was not so bad, me and Macy went for a just about 2 hour walk, as it was so beautious outside and not too warm yet. I was going to go to Bikram Yoga today but my period cramps were pretty yuck. Oh, yeah for those who care...I got my 2nd period after my emergency-c. I guess it is a good sign my body is getting a little more normalized...I feel like it is. My mind is another story!
BIRDIE I LOVE YOU!
8 comments:
E- I'm glad you had a "decent" Mother's Day! I'm sure it wasn't easy. Thanks for adding me to your list of readers. I haven't been here for a few days so I had no idea all that was going on. That woman is insane if she even is an OB. Every birth has a chance of a bad outcome. I wonder what she'd think of my OB who has delivered my 4 by C-sections and said she'd do however more C-sections I'd like. My first was also an emergency C because my dd's heartrate dropped to 70bpm plus she wouldn't come down therefore the Dr and I just agreed to do them all that way.
Anyways- hugs to you and I hope Dr Amy causes no more drama. She seems to be getting some drama on her site now. lol
I'm glad mothers' day was okay for you. The walk sounds really nice, as much as that is possible.
I'm glad, as well, that your period came. It's a good thing, if hard.
Take care. I hope that storm is behind you now.
what a beautiful honor to ms birdie.
erin, can i ask about your midwives? about how the process after the birth was for you in relation to them? what helped? what didn't?
i fear the grief of my own that would be so huge after a loss like this. if you dont wish to talk about it, please let me know.
The walk on Mother's Day sounds like it was such a comfort. Good for you for seeking it out and being brave enough to go. I hope you feel like you are beginning to heal.
Your strength is inspiring.
Thank you for letting me view your blog.
I don't care what anyone else says, you lost your very much wanted baby, that's all that counts. It doesn't matter how, it happened and it hurts the same.
The pain will always hurt, embrace it if you can. There will be ok days and very bad days, thats part of grieving.
I know this pain, so I wanted to send you my condolences, sympathy and best wishes for the future.
I wish you and your partner lots of strength for the weeks and months ahead.
X Artblog
Your strength and momentum are an inspiration. I hold you in my thoughts often and I admire your ability to, through written thoughts, share struggles, revelations, reflections, and love. You are truly amazing.
xxoo.
your mother's day sounds very comforting. how wonderful that you all could get together and support one another.
i mean, it's not wonderful the situation that brought you all together--but wonderful that you can be there for one another. you know what i mean. right?
Meh on the period cramps. But all of that exercise is great for you--all sorts of endorphins!
I'm honored to be included in the number of those who can read your thoughts and memories of your daughter on this blog. I can't imagine having to deal with what you're going through right now, never mind the addition of the comments of some cruel crazies, but you've handled it with such courage.
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