Our Grief Is Intense, Please Don't Worry...Its Completely Normal
Just want to put this out there to any friends or family who still read this blog (I have no idea if any of you even bother to anymore). Please don't worry about the intense things that I say. These feelings we are experiencing, are dark and they run very deep. This is just our grief, I assure you will still have a handle on life. We cannot help but feel what we feel, we are allowing our grief to move through us naturally. We are seeking out a therapist. Please, don't worry.
p.s. you should also know that DH or M and me have pulled closer together, we have not pulled apart. We are supporting each other and talk a lot. We talk a lot about Birdie, what happened and the future. Somehow we are able to think about the future in this dark mess of guilt, anger and sadness. We are doing ok, considering.
8 comments:
Friends and Family will always worry. But will also understand when you just need to get it out. That is what we are here for.
- Julie
I hope your friends and family are able to give you the time and space and support you need to grieve. Far too many people seem to have views of what you're "supposed to" feel or do or say and have trouble dealing with anything that falls outside that narrow range.
Hi Mama, I just wanted to pass on my sincere regrets and best wishes to you and your dh. Strangely enough, I came to your blog tonight through sagefemme - but I was told of Birdie's birth and death back in March by our mutual friend (co-worker?) Erica...small world...as I was reading, I finally realized you were the same woman. I figured it was a sign to pass on my thoughts to you. I hope you find the healing you need - I can't imagine the pain of your loss. My thoughts will remain with you. Best,
Jen
Erin,
This grief IS normal, very very normal. And you my dear deserve to take your time and take care with yourselves, both of you in fact.
I know you will want to get pregnant again son, and I'd be lying if I said that desire lessens. Trouble is, neither does the fear of what can happen.
Just stay healthy and take care and you will both eventually want to get pregnant and go for it.
((hugs))
Hi Sweetie,
I check in on you daily, so you could say that I bother :) You are going through something I can't even begin to comprehend. Sometimes I read your entries and I get frustrated because I think, "why is she so angry at the rest of us? Am I not a significant mom because I haven't gone through what she has?" The truth of it is that I will never understand what you must feel on a daily basis, unless I too lost one of my most precious darlings. When I think about it in that way, I totally get it. I can only imagine the rage, sadness, fear, guilt, etc that I would feel if it happened to me. Even at the thought of something happening to my children makes my heart race and adrenaline rush. Mommy instincts begin at conception, and it NEVER goes away :)
I'm not going to pretend like I have anything of value to offer you that might make you feel better, just know that I love you.
Prayerfully always,
Meagan
The grief is more than one can comprehend unless it happens to them.. and then still it cannot be comprehended, only allowed to wash over them. I'm glad you are seeking out therapy. It helped for me and maybe it will help you. Continue to talk with DH. You need each other's support. It may at times seem like you are on different planets with your grieving, but you still have a love for Birdie that will transcend that and keep you strong. I remember when I got home from the hospital without Jimmy I secretly wished to not wake up. I was upset when I did, but at the same time glad I did. I was sane enough not to take my life, but still sad enough to wish I was with Jimmy. I imagine that is the way you might have felt. If you feel yourself losing that "handle" on life, you know what to do. And remember, others have been where you are at now. While it may seem to be forever, it is a valley. You will come out. You will be changed, but you will come out, and Birdie's spirit will always be with you.
I don't remember if I've ever commented, but I just wanted to say again that I am so sorry and that I wish things were different fro you. I am praying for love and peace for you and your husband in the coming days, weeks, and months.
It's so interesting how friends and family react to the loss of a child. I am astounded at some of the things people think and actually let come out of their mouth. I understand every emotion, without a doubt, that you write about.
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