Advocacy
WTF! I somehow only just realized that not only with a subsequent birth do I have to be an "advocate" for being able to have a baby that lives after having a stillbirth child. I will also have to be a VBAC advocate! Am I using the wrong words here! Is advocate the right thing to call myself? Or would hopeful for the birth of a living child, and extremely hopeful for a VBAC! My friends in Canada are saying that I am now a vbactivist! Hey man (I mean woman) I can dig that!
This is so freaking crazy, I am going to have to be "strong" enough to push myself (with lots of labor and Pro-VBAC support help, My DH, Possibly an OB, CNM's, Doula and a Hypnobirth Professional) to go through labor (of course DH is going to have to be strong too, and all of these people are going to be supporting him as well!), to birth a child, and additionally everyone will be working to help support me to avoid a repeat cesarean.
What a crazy situation. What a crazy scenario we find ourselves in.
Why am I even thinking about this right now!
Why am I not writing about the baby who was born from my womb nearly 6 months ago? 6 months ago, 6 months ago.
Birdie would be almost 6 months old, and I am thinking about subsequent labor and birth. I am not even pregnant yet.
Birdie, I don't want to be thinking the things I am having to think about.
I just want you HERE with US!
Were you telling me something in the dream I had of you? Was that sweet little caress you gave to my hand telling me something? Or am I totally crazy that you were telling me that everything is ok, that you are ok. Is there something more to the dream? Will you come to me again when I am sleeping? As sad as it was to see you that way, to know you were dying...it was also very bittersweet, so very bittersweet. For those moments in my dream I felt reunited with you, I got to be with you for a short time while you were alive and outside of my womb. You felt like you did when I held you in the hospital, you looked like you did in the hospital and you smelled like you did in the hospital.
I miss your beautiful and sweet baby smell.
I miss you.
I love you.
3 comments:
We're called vbactivists.
=)
I keep trying to write to you. I keep trying to comment.
I'm going to give my friend permission to tell my story. I just can't do it right now.
Loads of love from the mama to two angels in Canada.
R
Now the friend wants to say hello and count yourself as a vbactivist now! Welcome to the club...sorry you've had to join us!
My (amazing) midwifes next door neighbour had vertical incisions *note the s!. Her first child was hydrocephalus (apologies... my dictionary walked away). Her next three births went swimmingly. She showed up at the emergency room, pushing each time.
And no, my midwife was a doula at the time... and her neighbour never once asked her for "patient care" after she did her training.
That mama is amazing, as I'm sure you will be too!
I'll write you soon! Things have been crazy this summer in my life.
loads of love from me too!
k
It's so hard to look forwards and backwards at the same time. Thinking of you.
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