"Mortal beings. We are here but for a moment. We disturb the waters with our presence, rings round us form…… like a stone thrown in. When we leave this dimension…soon the water smooths and it is as if we were never here."

My dear blog friend Mere Mortal Mama recently wrote a post about death and mortality that has been sticking with me, prompting my last post regarding my feelings of isolation and foreboding. The quote above came from her papa who commented on her post. His response is beautiful and loving.
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There is so much stirring within me, most prevalent are thoughts death (of course). Dark as this might sound to some who don't know me well enough to understand why I think of death, and in some ways feel a kinship/comfortableness with death. How could I not? I was "there" when my baby "flew" from my being, and I felt her slip away, she helped me to see her flight and gently guided me back to my body.

Some do not know that I almost left this earthly life with my little bird. For I saw a light, a bright white light, and I could feel my mind flashing backward and forward. I was scared, but also comforted...and then I took a breath, and then...

I awakened into silence. No living breathing baby. Only a still, silent baby (still pink and warm from birth).

Nearly 4 years out everything about this horrific experience reels within me. However, I can sit with death and feel comfortable with it (maybe because I believe in reincarnation?). It is this comfortableness that I try to think about and live as fully as I am able. Lately though, things have become emotionally jumbled/confused around here and it clouds my judgment at times causing me to question myself much more than I usually do.

But when I look at Holdyn and his beautiful FULL explorations of life/thoughts/movements/creativity/Joy I rejoice in his every moment, his every breath. He is just so FREE! I want to be that free. To let go of all this stuff in my head and just BE.