I am still working on this project of re-making the only photographs we have of Birdie and us, and her alone. Tonight I was looking at photos of a baby that was born days after Birdie. This baby is the child of some friends, this child was born alive one week after Birdie. It broke me to see the photos of this baby. It made me so angry to see the happiness in their eyes, holding their daughter with such love.
They have many photographs of their daughter as she has grown up. That baby is almost one, just as Birdie would have been almost one this March 3rd.
I am still feeling really angry. More so as the days of this month are marked off, as the days grow closer to my estimated due date. We are approaching rough waters, very rough waters and I am falling more and more fragile.
As I was saying, the photos of our friends baby...seeing them angered me, I want to have that. I wanted to have those photos. I wonder if they even realize how lucky they are to have what they have? So, in my haste I worked on re-making some of our photos...re-making them so that we have more images of her, new images of her. I get so lost in seeing her face. When I was creating the photo of her, the images moved slightly with the change of opacity...it was like she was moving gently, as if she was alive.
7 comments:
Oh, Erin! I'm so sad for you guys as the date nears March 3rd. So sad.
Birdie has changed me as a mother. No matter how frustrating the days, no matter how many naps we miss, I know what we have. It makes me grateful for my boys, but so sad for you.
Loving you three..
xoxo
I am so sorry for the anger, but I think it will pass. The pictures are just beautiful.
Just sending you love. Thanks also for your very sweet and kind support on my blog.
Love and light.
She is so beautiful, it is heartbreaking.
Really lovely. I wish I was seeing new photos of Birdie as a living, growing baby. It's so unfair.
I can't believe the trust birth conference you talked about below. I really don't get it.
Love to you.
Erin: The birth day is going to be rough. I look forward to the day I look at your blog and see Birdie's sisters and brothers.
My friend who lost her son, his birthday is February 14th. As if valentines day didn't suck enough? She has been writing on her blog lately so I have been commenting. I think it is good to write about it.
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