Happy One Month to my Darling Birdie
Birdie my sweet baby girl. Today would be your one month birthday. I cannot believe that you have been gone 4 weeks now, but you have. I wonder what we would be doing together if you were here? Would you be sleeping in my arms, or Papa's? Would you be laying in bed with me and nursing? Or maybe we would be sitting outside together watching the birds in the yard? These are some of the things that I had hoped for for us, and they can never come to be. My sweet baby girl I hope that you are happy wherever you have gone. I can't help but think that maybe you will be reborn as a Buddha, a beautiful sentient Buddha sitting on the most beautiful lotus flower in a most beautiful and magical place. I am still crying for you Birdie, as I write this I am crying for you. Your so missed my love, even though we can feel you with us always.
But sometimes looking at all the pictures of you make it so hard not to cry. You are such a beautiful baby...our beautiful baby. I am overwhelmed by your beauty, and that me and Papa could create such beauty. How can I not cry for such a thing. They are tears of sadness but also happiness for your pureness. I love you so much Birdie, I hope that you can feel it! I love you and I am always thinking of you.
Love, Mama
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Monday, March 26, 2007
For the Love of Birdie
Sweetest little Birdie, I am thinking of you every moment of every day. This past Saturday at 3:34am you would have been 3 weeks old. I can't imagine how big you would have grown already, being that you were 9 lbs 5 oz when you were born. What a big girl! My love, I have been thinking so much about everything that happened and I just wish that there was something I could have known to do to prevent you from not being here. I miss you SO much my darling, no WE MISS YOU SO MUCH! We will never stop thinking of you and how beautiful you were (and still are!). Oh Birdie I am so sorry you are not here and alive and cooing like a sweet little baby should. Its all so shocking all over again when I stop and everything here is quiet....I relive everything that happened. I promise to do all that I can to advocate for Stillbirth Research....momma doesn't want anyone else to have to go through what you have gone through. Birdie, it has been raining here for the past few days, and I cannot help but thinking that the rain is your tears. That you are cring because you miss us. We are so sorry you are not here with us Birdie, we love you so much. I hope that you can feel our love for you...it will never fade, EVER.
I have been reading a lot about other parents experiences with stillbirth, in books and on the internet. Yesterday I somehow found an amazing article that I highly reccomend you all read, even if you have not experienced a stillbirth. This article is written by Suzanne Pullen, a reporter for the San Francisco Chronicle. Her firstborn child was stillborn, her subsequent child was born healthy and alive! This is one amazing woman, I hope you will read her story. Also, please be sure to pass on her article to others...we need to work together to raise awareness about Stillbirth and how important that in depth research needs to be done!
Stillbirth Articles by Suzanne Pullen:
Article 1
Article 2
Article 3
Stillbirth Resources:
BABY LOSS DIRECTORY
THE NATIONAL STILLBIRTH SOCIETY
THE MISSING ANGEL FOUNDATION
THE PREGNANCY INSTITUTE
PROTECT YOUR PREGNANCY
I hope that this information, these links will help some of you out there who are seeking out as much info about Stillbirth as I am. I find that I cannot spend enough time reading books and being on the computer searching and searching. I know that there will never be a definative answer for what happened to our Birdie, but if I can educate myseld about this and possible do something to help other families before this happens to them then that is what I will do. Nobody should EVER have to deal with this kind of tradgedy in thier lives, NOBODY!
I also want to again thank the so many of you out there who have written us...you are all so special. Thank you so much!
Lastly...if there are any of you in the Northeast side of the country who are interested in getting together to talk, go for walks, get coffee whatever let me know. I would like to try and set something up for moms who have experienced Stillbirth, and I am also looking for women who are road bikers/and or racers who would be interested in a road race to raise money for one of the above causes that I have listed. Oh, and also....in the next year Matt and I will begin working on a film to raise awareness about Stillbirth. We would love to hear from folks who might be interested in sharing thier story.
Thank you all for reading Birdie's blog, you are all helping to keep her precious memory alive!
All our love, Erin & Matt
Sweetest little Birdie, I am thinking of you every moment of every day. This past Saturday at 3:34am you would have been 3 weeks old. I can't imagine how big you would have grown already, being that you were 9 lbs 5 oz when you were born. What a big girl! My love, I have been thinking so much about everything that happened and I just wish that there was something I could have known to do to prevent you from not being here. I miss you SO much my darling, no WE MISS YOU SO MUCH! We will never stop thinking of you and how beautiful you were (and still are!). Oh Birdie I am so sorry you are not here and alive and cooing like a sweet little baby should. Its all so shocking all over again when I stop and everything here is quiet....I relive everything that happened. I promise to do all that I can to advocate for Stillbirth Research....momma doesn't want anyone else to have to go through what you have gone through. Birdie, it has been raining here for the past few days, and I cannot help but thinking that the rain is your tears. That you are cring because you miss us. We are so sorry you are not here with us Birdie, we love you so much. I hope that you can feel our love for you...it will never fade, EVER.
I have been reading a lot about other parents experiences with stillbirth, in books and on the internet. Yesterday I somehow found an amazing article that I highly reccomend you all read, even if you have not experienced a stillbirth. This article is written by Suzanne Pullen, a reporter for the San Francisco Chronicle. Her firstborn child was stillborn, her subsequent child was born healthy and alive! This is one amazing woman, I hope you will read her story. Also, please be sure to pass on her article to others...we need to work together to raise awareness about Stillbirth and how important that in depth research needs to be done!
Stillbirth Articles by Suzanne Pullen:
Article 1
Article 2
Article 3
Stillbirth Resources:
BABY LOSS DIRECTORY
THE NATIONAL STILLBIRTH SOCIETY
THE MISSING ANGEL FOUNDATION
THE PREGNANCY INSTITUTE
PROTECT YOUR PREGNANCY
I hope that this information, these links will help some of you out there who are seeking out as much info about Stillbirth as I am. I find that I cannot spend enough time reading books and being on the computer searching and searching. I know that there will never be a definative answer for what happened to our Birdie, but if I can educate myseld about this and possible do something to help other families before this happens to them then that is what I will do. Nobody should EVER have to deal with this kind of tradgedy in thier lives, NOBODY!
I also want to again thank the so many of you out there who have written us...you are all so special. Thank you so much!
Lastly...if there are any of you in the Northeast side of the country who are interested in getting together to talk, go for walks, get coffee whatever let me know. I would like to try and set something up for moms who have experienced Stillbirth, and I am also looking for women who are road bikers/and or racers who would be interested in a road race to raise money for one of the above causes that I have listed. Oh, and also....in the next year Matt and I will begin working on a film to raise awareness about Stillbirth. We would love to hear from folks who might be interested in sharing thier story.
Thank you all for reading Birdie's blog, you are all helping to keep her precious memory alive!
All our love, Erin & Matt
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
THIS IS NOT GETTING ANY EASIER!
How we are getting through the days I don't know, I just don't know. Why and how am I able to post on this blog, I don't know. I do hope people have not forgotten about our baby blog...the comments have been so kind and supportive, and that is helpful for us. To have so many complete strangers send us their love and support, its just amazing. Thank you again for sending us your love and support. I am feeling physically better from the emergency C-Section. It's so hard to look at the scar, I cry when I see the scar, all I can think is that is where my darling baby Birdie was born from! For her to be born like that was the furthest from what I had wanted for her! We wanted to have her born at home, with no medical intervention whatsoever! That is not what happened, and I would be lying if I did not tell you I am outraged a bit that that is not what came to be. My little baby is not here with me right now, she was not born from me vaginally and it hurts SO F-ING MUCH! My heart is shattered, I am in pieces...and I am hurt. I have never felt such hurting before, its a hurting that does not seem to subside. Our grieving is so hard to take, SO HARD!
Yesterday I received a lovely letter from a dear friend who lost a baby in the past year to miscarriage. She lost her baby in the 2nd trimester. In her letter she told me her family is befriended to His Holiness The Dalai Lama. After the loss of her baby, someone in her family asked The Dalai Lama what to say to someone who loses a child. His response was: "Beings are only in this world to work out their Karma."
This is a very simple, yet elegant view I believe. In the moment that I read that in her letter to me, it made sense. I am holding onto this, and it helps.
There was a moment when we were still in the hospital and had Birdie, that I kind of thought something similar to what the Dalai Lama said. We had her, and I felt her move inside me....she was (still is) our baby, alive with life and energy and movement! She had 9 months with us, and we has 9 months with her...she had that time "To work out her Karma." What beautiful Karma she was able to work out. I am not a religious person, though I am spiritual in my own way, as it Matt, and I did read a lot of about Buddhism for a time. I do agree and believe in the Buddhist way...it is very simple & beautiful way to believe in. I found reading about Buddhism helped me to work through my troubles when I was hurting emotionally years ago. Perhaps I should pick these books up again. Now I am rambling on.
All in all, Birdie had life inside my womb. I know she was a happy baby and I know she felt and can still feel the tremendous love we have for her. She is such a special child...our sweet little Birdie. We think of her every time we see or hear birds singing, I hope you all will to.
Birdie we love you enormously,
Love, Mama & Papa
How we are getting through the days I don't know, I just don't know. Why and how am I able to post on this blog, I don't know. I do hope people have not forgotten about our baby blog...the comments have been so kind and supportive, and that is helpful for us. To have so many complete strangers send us their love and support, its just amazing. Thank you again for sending us your love and support. I am feeling physically better from the emergency C-Section. It's so hard to look at the scar, I cry when I see the scar, all I can think is that is where my darling baby Birdie was born from! For her to be born like that was the furthest from what I had wanted for her! We wanted to have her born at home, with no medical intervention whatsoever! That is not what happened, and I would be lying if I did not tell you I am outraged a bit that that is not what came to be. My little baby is not here with me right now, she was not born from me vaginally and it hurts SO F-ING MUCH! My heart is shattered, I am in pieces...and I am hurt. I have never felt such hurting before, its a hurting that does not seem to subside. Our grieving is so hard to take, SO HARD!
Yesterday I received a lovely letter from a dear friend who lost a baby in the past year to miscarriage. She lost her baby in the 2nd trimester. In her letter she told me her family is befriended to His Holiness The Dalai Lama. After the loss of her baby, someone in her family asked The Dalai Lama what to say to someone who loses a child. His response was: "Beings are only in this world to work out their Karma."
This is a very simple, yet elegant view I believe. In the moment that I read that in her letter to me, it made sense. I am holding onto this, and it helps.
There was a moment when we were still in the hospital and had Birdie, that I kind of thought something similar to what the Dalai Lama said. We had her, and I felt her move inside me....she was (still is) our baby, alive with life and energy and movement! She had 9 months with us, and we has 9 months with her...she had that time "To work out her Karma." What beautiful Karma she was able to work out. I am not a religious person, though I am spiritual in my own way, as it Matt, and I did read a lot of about Buddhism for a time. I do agree and believe in the Buddhist way...it is very simple & beautiful way to believe in. I found reading about Buddhism helped me to work through my troubles when I was hurting emotionally years ago. Perhaps I should pick these books up again. Now I am rambling on.
All in all, Birdie had life inside my womb. I know she was a happy baby and I know she felt and can still feel the tremendous love we have for her. She is such a special child...our sweet little Birdie. We think of her every time we see or hear birds singing, I hope you all will to.
Birdie we love you enormously,
Love, Mama & Papa
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
THANK YOU to all of you who have been posting comments about the death of our sweet little Birdie. We don't know many of you personally, but that does not lessen the true sorrow, caring and support that you have extended to us.
Thank you so much, with lots of love. Erin & Matt
I don't even know where to start to tell you all how this all came to be. We had a beautiful 24 hours of labor at home (there are photos below that my husband took), Birdie's heartbeat was strong throughout the whole 24 hours, our midwives would check her heartrate every 15-20 mins. It was at around 2:30 am I think that they checked her heart rate and it had gone down to around 80 beats per minute...this was obviously dangerous. So Tanya, one of our midwives called the backup hospital/midwives/birthcenter to let them know that we were being transported (we live 3 mins from the hospital).
Matt quickly helped me get dressed and we left with haste, though it was very cold and icy on the roads. When we were let into the hospital side entrance we headed quickly for the Birth Center, the nurses were waiting for us. They showed us to our room, began to strap a Fetal Heart Monitor to by belly, then began to listen for Birdies heart, they turned me on both sides to see if her heart rate would increase, it didn't. They then gave me an IV and oxygen. They were preparing my for an emergency C-Section. I could not believe all that was happening, it was certainly a bad dream. All the while I felt like I was
still somehow able to keep calm, breathing slowly for my little baby girl....trying to help her stay with me, with us. I was quickly wheeled into the OR (and Matt could not come in with me) and I had to then get onto the operating table, a small
skinny hard surface. Next I was prepped for anastesia, shortly after....I began to choke and could not breathe, I was looking up and I could see everything going white...still choking and trying to reach my neck to tell everyone I could not breathe.
I was terrified and I thought I was dying.....though I could hear everything around me, people yelling my name...finally I started to breathe, as I was being bagged...air rushed to me. From what I have been told I was immediately given anastesia and the surgoen began the C Section, it was 3 minutes of surgery and Birdie was born at 3:34 am on Saturday March 3rd. When I woke up, I saw and heard the nurse and one of our backup midwives crying, and I felt something was terribly wrong. Then I saw my husband Matt, he said "Birdie didn't make it", I did not believe him. I wanted to scream! I felt such immediate absolute love for my baby girl and yet such deep hurting, it ached and still aches in my bones. My body felt and immediate longing for my darling little baby, my daughter Birdie. The midwife them quickly went to another room to get Birdie and bring her to us. She was amazingly and stunningly beautiful. She is amazingly and stunningly beautiful....somehow as the 3 days we got to spend with her came and went it was (and still is) her presence and radiant loveliness that has made her death maybe not as hard to bare. Her father say's she was and is too beautiful for this world. There is more to our story, but I just can't write any more right now.
Here are some lovely photos of my 24 labor at home, and Birdie with her Papa.....
Thank you so much, with lots of love. Erin & Matt
I don't even know where to start to tell you all how this all came to be. We had a beautiful 24 hours of labor at home (there are photos below that my husband took), Birdie's heartbeat was strong throughout the whole 24 hours, our midwives would check her heartrate every 15-20 mins. It was at around 2:30 am I think that they checked her heart rate and it had gone down to around 80 beats per minute...this was obviously dangerous. So Tanya, one of our midwives called the backup hospital/midwives/birthcenter to let them know that we were being transported (we live 3 mins from the hospital).
Matt quickly helped me get dressed and we left with haste, though it was very cold and icy on the roads. When we were let into the hospital side entrance we headed quickly for the Birth Center, the nurses were waiting for us. They showed us to our room, began to strap a Fetal Heart Monitor to by belly, then began to listen for Birdies heart, they turned me on both sides to see if her heart rate would increase, it didn't. They then gave me an IV and oxygen. They were preparing my for an emergency C-Section. I could not believe all that was happening, it was certainly a bad dream. All the while I felt like I was
still somehow able to keep calm, breathing slowly for my little baby girl....trying to help her stay with me, with us. I was quickly wheeled into the OR (and Matt could not come in with me) and I had to then get onto the operating table, a small
skinny hard surface. Next I was prepped for anastesia, shortly after....I began to choke and could not breathe, I was looking up and I could see everything going white...still choking and trying to reach my neck to tell everyone I could not breathe.
I was terrified and I thought I was dying.....though I could hear everything around me, people yelling my name...finally I started to breathe, as I was being bagged...air rushed to me. From what I have been told I was immediately given anastesia and the surgoen began the C Section, it was 3 minutes of surgery and Birdie was born at 3:34 am on Saturday March 3rd. When I woke up, I saw and heard the nurse and one of our backup midwives crying, and I felt something was terribly wrong. Then I saw my husband Matt, he said "Birdie didn't make it", I did not believe him. I wanted to scream! I felt such immediate absolute love for my baby girl and yet such deep hurting, it ached and still aches in my bones. My body felt and immediate longing for my darling little baby, my daughter Birdie. The midwife them quickly went to another room to get Birdie and bring her to us. She was amazingly and stunningly beautiful. She is amazingly and stunningly beautiful....somehow as the 3 days we got to spend with her came and went it was (and still is) her presence and radiant loveliness that has made her death maybe not as hard to bare. Her father say's she was and is too beautiful for this world. There is more to our story, but I just can't write any more right now.
Here are some lovely photos of my 24 labor at home, and Birdie with her Papa.....
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Our Birdie, our sweet little Birdie, born at 3:34 am Saturday March 3rd was pronounced at 4:10 am on her birthday Saturday March 3rd 2007. She weighed 9 lbs 5 ounces, and she measured 22 inches long. Birdie is the most beautiful child. She is always going to be here with us, we will never say goodbye to her. She sings to us everymorning outside our window.
We love you Birdie.
We love you Birdie.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
EVENING UPDATE
We had a lovely relaxing day today...things had slowed as I think that I wrote in the last post. I was really happy to have my Matty home with me today, to spend time together...and for the chance that my contractions could pick back up at any point and things would get going on a regular pattern. Macy also had a lovely day today with her uncle Ron, she is so tired out and it's very adorable. We just had a yummy dinner of home made organic pizza....with pesto, asparagus, mushrooms, italian seasoned tofu, broccoli and some organic cheese. I also had Matt take some photos of my belly so that you all can see how much it has dropped, we don't have a mirror in our house besides the bathroom so photos are really the only way I get to see my belly other than the view I get when I look down! Things are still stalled a bit....oh but a lot more of my mucus plug came out after I took a long amazing nap today. Ok Ok here are some photos from just a little while ago, and its just about 9pm right now.
I'm Still Smiling!
We are having so much fun!
What a cutie pie he is!
We had a lovely relaxing day today...things had slowed as I think that I wrote in the last post. I was really happy to have my Matty home with me today, to spend time together...and for the chance that my contractions could pick back up at any point and things would get going on a regular pattern. Macy also had a lovely day today with her uncle Ron, she is so tired out and it's very adorable. We just had a yummy dinner of home made organic pizza....with pesto, asparagus, mushrooms, italian seasoned tofu, broccoli and some organic cheese. I also had Matt take some photos of my belly so that you all can see how much it has dropped, we don't have a mirror in our house besides the bathroom so photos are really the only way I get to see my belly other than the view I get when I look down! Things are still stalled a bit....oh but a lot more of my mucus plug came out after I took a long amazing nap today. Ok Ok here are some photos from just a little while ago, and its just about 9pm right now.
I'm Still Smiling!
We are having so much fun!
What a cutie pie he is!
UPDATE!
Hello how are ya'll doing out there in bloggerland?
Just a little update for you. Last night around 1:30am I had a bit of "bloody show".....yes my mucus plug as it is also often called began really making an appearance. To go along with it I had a few not to hard to handle "contractions", which I really prefer to call "rushes". I had a lot of trouble getting back to sleep last night as my mind was whizzing all about with thoughts about anything and everything to come! Then of course the heating pipe in our room was making sounds, and Matt and Macy were sound asleep snooring.....and I had some intense contractions. I did however manage to fall asleep a few hours later I would estimate.....and I woke up and had some minor cramping at the most. I called one of our midwives around 9:30am to let her know what was going on, and she said to go about my day as usual and make sure to make time for resting. So, I am about to have some tea and take a lovely nap. So my dears, things are moving along.....I do ask that you sit tight though, this could take another day or so. All in good time.
Hello how are ya'll doing out there in bloggerland?
Just a little update for you. Last night around 1:30am I had a bit of "bloody show".....yes my mucus plug as it is also often called began really making an appearance. To go along with it I had a few not to hard to handle "contractions", which I really prefer to call "rushes". I had a lot of trouble getting back to sleep last night as my mind was whizzing all about with thoughts about anything and everything to come! Then of course the heating pipe in our room was making sounds, and Matt and Macy were sound asleep snooring.....and I had some intense contractions. I did however manage to fall asleep a few hours later I would estimate.....and I woke up and had some minor cramping at the most. I called one of our midwives around 9:30am to let her know what was going on, and she said to go about my day as usual and make sure to make time for resting. So, I am about to have some tea and take a lovely nap. So my dears, things are moving along.....I do ask that you sit tight though, this could take another day or so. All in good time.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Hello All my Lovely Friends and Family....
As you are wondering....no babe yet.
Funny little story though! Last night I got a call from one of our midwives as she was heading out the door to go to another clients birth! Yes, last night around 6:30 our midwives were going to attend a birth....but I had no signs of labor myself, and I made it through the night without any. So, we should be in the clear now.....I hope! We do have a backup midwife that our midwives work with, so if I had gone into labor we would be fine. =)
My Momma and little Macy...so cute!
As you are wondering....no babe yet.
Funny little story though! Last night I got a call from one of our midwives as she was heading out the door to go to another clients birth! Yes, last night around 6:30 our midwives were going to attend a birth....but I had no signs of labor myself, and I made it through the night without any. So, we should be in the clear now.....I hope! We do have a backup midwife that our midwives work with, so if I had gone into labor we would be fine. =)
My Momma and little Macy...so cute!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Monday, February 26, 2007
UPDATE.
For all you anxious family and friends...NO BABY YET!
The simple fact is that baby and my body are not ready yet. =)
This is simply fine....and totally normal, especially for a first
pregnancy.
Today my belly measured 42cm, and the baby is perfectly aligned
in the middle of my belly. So, things are as they should be
naturally.
We will be sure to let you know as soon as something BIG starts!
Until then we are trying to keep our anxiousness to a minimum.
We want to remain on the even keel day-to-day good feelings
that we have had all along.
Mama Erin
For all you anxious family and friends...NO BABY YET!
The simple fact is that baby and my body are not ready yet. =)
This is simply fine....and totally normal, especially for a first
pregnancy.
Today my belly measured 42cm, and the baby is perfectly aligned
in the middle of my belly. So, things are as they should be
naturally.
We will be sure to let you know as soon as something BIG starts!
Until then we are trying to keep our anxiousness to a minimum.
We want to remain on the even keel day-to-day good feelings
that we have had all along.
Mama Erin
Sunday, February 25, 2007
So we've had Indian food, we've done some acupressure to the ankle area, we went for a long walk today (like to the top of a Mountain) and we ate at Joes in northampton tonight (local legend has it that if your overdue and you eat at Joes you'll soon go into labor) and YET STILL no action, BUT we're just taking it one day at a time still......... uhhh ummmm . But we look forward to meeting little birdy... any time now... BUT take your time little one, we'll see you when your fully percalated ok, talk soon!
this message brought to you by papa
this message brought to you by papa
Friday, February 23, 2007
Thursday, February 22, 2007
40 Weeks and 1 day....and tomarrow Feb 23rd is my "due date"...
Hmmmmmm.......we shall see if my "due date" is the actual date of arrival! Really "due dates" are just a number, well unless you are a momma who has to be induced or chooses to be. Me, no thank you to to induction...I am lucky to be in a position to let nature take it's course. To allow baby to come when baby is ready. I am getting a bit anxious I must admit at this point, I am really REALLY excited! We are really ready now that our diaper service has started! The apartment is clean, the co-sleeper is assembled and made, babies clothes have been washed numerous times (in all natural gentle on the skin detergent) we have the birth tub here (it has been for a few weeks now), we have our grape juice ice cubes made, we are stocked with energy replenishing drinks & spring water jugs, snacks, frozen foods, my labor music is all entered into itunes, my camera batteries are charged and my camera's are ready to go etc etc......so bring it on!
Here is the latest photo comparison, 38/39 weeks to 40 weeks (taken today)
And here are some mitts I knitted for baby w/mathcing hat!
Hmmmmmm.......we shall see if my "due date" is the actual date of arrival! Really "due dates" are just a number, well unless you are a momma who has to be induced or chooses to be. Me, no thank you to to induction...I am lucky to be in a position to let nature take it's course. To allow baby to come when baby is ready. I am getting a bit anxious I must admit at this point, I am really REALLY excited! We are really ready now that our diaper service has started! The apartment is clean, the co-sleeper is assembled and made, babies clothes have been washed numerous times (in all natural gentle on the skin detergent) we have the birth tub here (it has been for a few weeks now), we have our grape juice ice cubes made, we are stocked with energy replenishing drinks & spring water jugs, snacks, frozen foods, my labor music is all entered into itunes, my camera batteries are charged and my camera's are ready to go etc etc......so bring it on!
Here is the latest photo comparison, 38/39 weeks to 40 weeks (taken today)
And here are some mitts I knitted for baby w/mathcing hat!
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Today I am 40 weeks!
I can't believe it! I went to our weekly midwife appointment by myself today, Matty had to be at work this morning so he could leave early to teach his afternoon class at 3 (he drives 45 minutes to get there). It was really ok though.
Today I measured 39cm, friday I was 41cm! Baby is dropping oh yeah! Kirsten (one of our midwives) said that baby's head had moved a little further into my pelvis since friday, and baby's back is even more turned and come to the middle of my belly. All good things =). I still feel so good, and today is beautiful outside so I took Macy for a long walk/hike at a local mountain...she has fun and so did I. Its kind of spring like weather here today, almost 50 degrees outside. Well I haven't had a chance to work much more yet on the pregnancy photo colages that I spoke of in my last post, so here are the 2 that I am pretty much done with. I would love critiques!
I can't believe it! I went to our weekly midwife appointment by myself today, Matty had to be at work this morning so he could leave early to teach his afternoon class at 3 (he drives 45 minutes to get there). It was really ok though.
Today I measured 39cm, friday I was 41cm! Baby is dropping oh yeah! Kirsten (one of our midwives) said that baby's head had moved a little further into my pelvis since friday, and baby's back is even more turned and come to the middle of my belly. All good things =). I still feel so good, and today is beautiful outside so I took Macy for a long walk/hike at a local mountain...she has fun and so did I. Its kind of spring like weather here today, almost 50 degrees outside. Well I haven't had a chance to work much more yet on the pregnancy photo colages that I spoke of in my last post, so here are the 2 that I am pretty much done with. I would love critiques!
Monday, February 19, 2007
I can't believe that there are only 2 days till my "due" date.....
However, a "due" date does not exactly mean all that much. It's just a number really. I had started to think that I might deliver early, but now I am not so sure! We found out at our friday midwife appointment that the baby's head is now very far down into my pelvis, and the baby's back which was sort of nested into my right side has moved more to the middle of my belly getting into position for birth! I had suspected that there was a signifigant change, because there were a few days last week that the baby was moving around SO MUCH! It was incredible to feel those movements and see some of them! Again on Saturday night the baby was moving even more, and I was feeling lots of movement in my pelvis...little hands pushing on my bladder! We had some spicey Indian food that night, so Matt was joking that "this could be it". Honestly I was not so unsure about that myself....but nothing happened and we went to sleep and woke up--no baby yet.
The good thing is that we are "ready" for my going into labor....my parents came again on Saturday to help us clean the apartment. I went and got a haircut, a fairly easy to maintain cut.....but also one that doesn't really allow me to keep my hair in pony tail holders all the time. I needed this simple change, as I have started to feel like a rolly polly slob! I spend most days in a tank top and comfy pants! I will have Matty take a photo of my awesome funky hair soon! Also, I have begun to work on some photo collages...finally I have found the motivation to make some work based around my pregnancy. I have been taking photos of course of myself, but I had not felt the motivation to work with them. I will post some of these collages when I have a more complete set of them.
Well darlings....I need to get to work.
Luv, Erin
However, a "due" date does not exactly mean all that much. It's just a number really. I had started to think that I might deliver early, but now I am not so sure! We found out at our friday midwife appointment that the baby's head is now very far down into my pelvis, and the baby's back which was sort of nested into my right side has moved more to the middle of my belly getting into position for birth! I had suspected that there was a signifigant change, because there were a few days last week that the baby was moving around SO MUCH! It was incredible to feel those movements and see some of them! Again on Saturday night the baby was moving even more, and I was feeling lots of movement in my pelvis...little hands pushing on my bladder! We had some spicey Indian food that night, so Matt was joking that "this could be it". Honestly I was not so unsure about that myself....but nothing happened and we went to sleep and woke up--no baby yet.
The good thing is that we are "ready" for my going into labor....my parents came again on Saturday to help us clean the apartment. I went and got a haircut, a fairly easy to maintain cut.....but also one that doesn't really allow me to keep my hair in pony tail holders all the time. I needed this simple change, as I have started to feel like a rolly polly slob! I spend most days in a tank top and comfy pants! I will have Matty take a photo of my awesome funky hair soon! Also, I have begun to work on some photo collages...finally I have found the motivation to make some work based around my pregnancy. I have been taking photos of course of myself, but I had not felt the motivation to work with them. I will post some of these collages when I have a more complete set of them.
Well darlings....I need to get to work.
Luv, Erin
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Today is 38 weeks and 6 days....(early 38 weeks photo below)
We are pretty much ready for anything at this point. We have the birth tub here, though the non-toxic, lead free hose doesn't get here till thursday. Our apartment got a good cleaning this past weekend, thank you Mom & Dad for being such troopers in helping us with that! Most of our laundry is done. The co-sleeper is together, baby's new clothes are all washed, dried and put away in baby's dresser. I do have to make a few more meals to freeze, and we are fortunate enough to have our mothers making and freezing food for us as well. On thursday I will call the diaper service to request to start next week. We do still have some reading to do in "The Baby Book" by William and Martha Sears (an awesome book!). As of my last midwife appointment the baby's head was not engaged...but I suspect that at tomarrows appointment we might find out that it is. I have been having some cramping in my lower mid belly, its nothing that comes in patterns or stays around. This morning I woke up with a stronger cramp though and I was like UH OH for a few minutes. Then I did some practice contraction breathing that we have been learning in our Hypnobirth class, and it dissapated.....and I was like oh thank goodness. We need to make it to thursday atleast so that we have our hose to fill the birth tub!
All in all things are still great, and I feel great....a bit more tired, but I feel great!
I do feel bad for Macy (our boxer girl). I just cannot walk her 3 times a day anymore, 1 walk is about all I can do, and should do at this point. Hopefully she will get to hang out with her uncle Ron soon (when we have 2 cars again and I can deliver her to him)....and get some of her energy out!
Here is a 3 week comparison: 35-38 weeks...do you think my belly is dropping?
We are pretty much ready for anything at this point. We have the birth tub here, though the non-toxic, lead free hose doesn't get here till thursday. Our apartment got a good cleaning this past weekend, thank you Mom & Dad for being such troopers in helping us with that! Most of our laundry is done. The co-sleeper is together, baby's new clothes are all washed, dried and put away in baby's dresser. I do have to make a few more meals to freeze, and we are fortunate enough to have our mothers making and freezing food for us as well. On thursday I will call the diaper service to request to start next week. We do still have some reading to do in "The Baby Book" by William and Martha Sears (an awesome book!). As of my last midwife appointment the baby's head was not engaged...but I suspect that at tomarrows appointment we might find out that it is. I have been having some cramping in my lower mid belly, its nothing that comes in patterns or stays around. This morning I woke up with a stronger cramp though and I was like UH OH for a few minutes. Then I did some practice contraction breathing that we have been learning in our Hypnobirth class, and it dissapated.....and I was like oh thank goodness. We need to make it to thursday atleast so that we have our hose to fill the birth tub!
All in all things are still great, and I feel great....a bit more tired, but I feel great!
I do feel bad for Macy (our boxer girl). I just cannot walk her 3 times a day anymore, 1 walk is about all I can do, and should do at this point. Hopefully she will get to hang out with her uncle Ron soon (when we have 2 cars again and I can deliver her to him)....and get some of her energy out!
Here is a 3 week comparison: 35-38 weeks...do you think my belly is dropping?
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Oh.....
Hello readers of thy blog. Another week has passed by and I am still feeling fine. I am still in day-by-day mode and in no hurry to not be pregnant, I am enjoying this time growing baby and being completely awkward and round. While I am a bit anxious to meet baby, Matt and I both are...baby will come when baby is ready. =)
We had our home visit with our midwives this past week, and both of our parents were there too. They got to meet Tanya & Kirsten and ask any questions they had etc. The best part was that both our mom's got to feel the babies head and hear the heartbeat, that was very special for both our moms. =)
I measured in at 41cm this week....and all is well! I also had another blood test for my iron levels this week through our backup midwives lab. I haven't heard anything so I am assuming that I am good, though I am going to call and make sure. My levels were slightly low last month, and so I have been taking Floridix and eating kale and lots of spinach, and taking chlorophyll.
I am slightly green from all this extra iron intake. JUST KIDDING!
Here is an end of 36 weeks....beginning of 37 weeks photos:
Hello readers of thy blog. Another week has passed by and I am still feeling fine. I am still in day-by-day mode and in no hurry to not be pregnant, I am enjoying this time growing baby and being completely awkward and round. While I am a bit anxious to meet baby, Matt and I both are...baby will come when baby is ready. =)
We had our home visit with our midwives this past week, and both of our parents were there too. They got to meet Tanya & Kirsten and ask any questions they had etc. The best part was that both our mom's got to feel the babies head and hear the heartbeat, that was very special for both our moms. =)
I measured in at 41cm this week....and all is well! I also had another blood test for my iron levels this week through our backup midwives lab. I haven't heard anything so I am assuming that I am good, though I am going to call and make sure. My levels were slightly low last month, and so I have been taking Floridix and eating kale and lots of spinach, and taking chlorophyll.
I am slightly green from all this extra iron intake. JUST KIDDING!
Here is an end of 36 weeks....beginning of 37 weeks photos:
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
THE CAT IS OUT OF THE BAG BABY!
WE ARE HAVING A HOMEBIRTH!
YEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAA!
I am SO EXCITED about this....I mean WE BOTH ARE! We have been keeping this to ourselves pretty much until we told our folks, and today I called my mom and told her...she is super excited too! She had the opposite reaction than I thought she would, I was a little surprised.....happily of course! YEAH MOM BIRTH ACTIVIST! Matt is on the phone with his mama right now and he told her a little while ago....so now the folks know and we share it with the world! Since I first found out I was pregnant, I knew that I wanted to have a homebirth...but I have MassHealth and they don't pay for homebirths in the state of Mass! So, we called around anyways to see if we could afford it on our own....do my dissapointment no, even though homebirth is almost $3,000 less than a hospital birth! Anyways, after months and weeks...things have worked out in our favor and I want to cry I am so happy about it! I am so extatic to be bringing baby into the world in the most peaceful and gentle environment, our home.
Our midwives ROCK! Kirsten (also our Doula) and Tanya are the sweetest, warmest most gentle and loving people...we are so fortunate to have them as our midwives.
Here is a link to thier site (under construction): Sacred Birth Midwifery Here is a link to Kirsten's Doula Site: Graceful Birth
Really there are way too many awesome things to say about these women.....=) They are so incredibly confident in who they are as people/women, as well as being extremely competent in thier profession and true believers in the power of a womans body to labor a child naturally, that is what our bodies were made to do!
So our homebirth....is going to be peaceful and quiet (soft meditative music)....relaxed, candlelit and romantic. Matt and I are going to spend as much time alone during labor as we can, we are both looking forward to having this beautiful experience together and deepening our relationship. Ok, I need to go and eat some more food. I promise to write more about this later!
Luv, E
WE ARE HAVING A HOMEBIRTH!
YEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAA!
I am SO EXCITED about this....I mean WE BOTH ARE! We have been keeping this to ourselves pretty much until we told our folks, and today I called my mom and told her...she is super excited too! She had the opposite reaction than I thought she would, I was a little surprised.....happily of course! YEAH MOM BIRTH ACTIVIST! Matt is on the phone with his mama right now and he told her a little while ago....so now the folks know and we share it with the world! Since I first found out I was pregnant, I knew that I wanted to have a homebirth...but I have MassHealth and they don't pay for homebirths in the state of Mass! So, we called around anyways to see if we could afford it on our own....do my dissapointment no, even though homebirth is almost $3,000 less than a hospital birth! Anyways, after months and weeks...things have worked out in our favor and I want to cry I am so happy about it! I am so extatic to be bringing baby into the world in the most peaceful and gentle environment, our home.
Our midwives ROCK! Kirsten (also our Doula) and Tanya are the sweetest, warmest most gentle and loving people...we are so fortunate to have them as our midwives.
Here is a link to thier site (under construction): Sacred Birth Midwifery Here is a link to Kirsten's Doula Site: Graceful Birth
Really there are way too many awesome things to say about these women.....=) They are so incredibly confident in who they are as people/women, as well as being extremely competent in thier profession and true believers in the power of a womans body to labor a child naturally, that is what our bodies were made to do!
So our homebirth....is going to be peaceful and quiet (soft meditative music)....relaxed, candlelit and romantic. Matt and I are going to spend as much time alone during labor as we can, we are both looking forward to having this beautiful experience together and deepening our relationship. Ok, I need to go and eat some more food. I promise to write more about this later!
Luv, E
Sunday, January 21, 2007
35 Weeks and 4 days......2 days to go to 36 weeks!
Holy Canoli! Hi there, here I am and there you are.....reading this blog. Things aren't much different than they were with my last post, but I have some new photos that I was to share and also an amazing momma blog that I have just been alreted to. It is the blog of an amazing woman who had an unnasisted birth at home, truely inspiring and BEAUTIFUL!
Here is the link to her Blog:
So, things are good. I still feel pretty great, though it's getting harder to motivate to go for walks.....but I was reading last night that I need to keep on with it (which I knew anyways). So, today I am going to bundle up and take Macy for a long slow walk, and then I will head to the Y to go swimming. I really do love to go swimming as a pregnant lady, it feels so nice to move through the water. Last weekend Matt and I went to the Bershires and we went swimming at the indoor pool that the resort has. While were swimming around so was the baby! It was so cool! When I swim at the Y the baby doesn't move too much....
It could have been that Matt was making whale like sounds underwater right to my belly!
Here are some photos from last weekend in the Berkshires....on the cusp of 35 weeks....
These are images from this past weekend....there are a lot of Macy & Matt......so cute!
Holy Canoli! Hi there, here I am and there you are.....reading this blog. Things aren't much different than they were with my last post, but I have some new photos that I was to share and also an amazing momma blog that I have just been alreted to. It is the blog of an amazing woman who had an unnasisted birth at home, truely inspiring and BEAUTIFUL!
Here is the link to her Blog:
So, things are good. I still feel pretty great, though it's getting harder to motivate to go for walks.....but I was reading last night that I need to keep on with it (which I knew anyways). So, today I am going to bundle up and take Macy for a long slow walk, and then I will head to the Y to go swimming. I really do love to go swimming as a pregnant lady, it feels so nice to move through the water. Last weekend Matt and I went to the Bershires and we went swimming at the indoor pool that the resort has. While were swimming around so was the baby! It was so cool! When I swim at the Y the baby doesn't move too much....
It could have been that Matt was making whale like sounds underwater right to my belly!
Here are some photos from last weekend in the Berkshires....on the cusp of 35 weeks....
These are images from this past weekend....there are a lot of Macy & Matt......so cute!
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