This is really sad.
It feels really sad, to once again not have succeeded in creating another life.
It feels really sad, and I am really shocked.
Last night there was a little spotting, and I was like NO NO NO! Not again! Then, I got up around 6am this morning to pee and oh great! FUCK! NO! BLOOD! DAMNIT!
I tried not to get too upset, and I didn't cry. I am really trying hard to not get too upset. I know that it takes time to make a baby, and I know that I am not broken. I think that our timing was just off. I mean, my cycle is still weird. Maybe that OPK is totally bogus, who knows?
I have just had a few yummy raspberry beers so excuse me if my writing is a little whacked out.
Maybe I should get one of those digital ovulation monitors, maybe we are totally off with the ovulation? I just don't know, I have no answers. (duh of course we are off on the ovulation timing, I"M NOT PREGNANT!)
Then again, like my beautiful husband said to me, "Making a life takes time, its a mystery how and when it happens..." or something like that, hey I had a few beers, give me a break. =)
I think that I might just cry myself to sleep tonight.
9 comments:
You are here (tapping heart).
And you can cry as much as you need to.
I cannot imagine your pain and despair, even though I believe your body is shedding its skin (literally and figuratively) to make the most perfect, coziest home for your baby-to-be.
Oh, how I wish I could make it happen right now.
Love you,
Me
Oh Erin,
I'm so sorry. It must be so hard. Don't cry. In time I know you will get pregnant.
I think your husband is right on the money. I conceived Noah right after my period (when I thought I was safe from ovulating and wouldn't get pregnant...so wrong), then Asher was concieved right before I was going to get my period, and even had a small one. And Hannah was smack dab in the middle of the month. It is a mystery when life is gifted to us, just like Birdie's conception was a sweet sweet surprise. I can't pretend like I know how you're feeling everytime you end up with your period...but I do know that even when you have your cycle almost to science, it goes and changes on us. I'll be thinking of you all month and wishing lots and lots of ovulation vibes in your direction :)
xoxo,
Meg
argh how frustrating!
Just remember, it's not you. There is only so much we can be in control of, and our body is certainly not one of them (we have learned this, right?)
Both times I have been pregnant, we were actively preventing it with BC pills, proving that when they come, they come...
as my doctor says, they are little miracles.
With all the sequence of stuff that has to happen in order to get pregnant, I'm really amazed that anyone gets pregnant at all.
Hang in there. I have a good feeling you will get pregnant soon.
It's so hard to be patient when we want something so badly.
Love to you sweet mama.
I am so sad for you. I am hoping that you have some peace while you wait, and I am hoping you don't have to wait much longer.
Hi Erin,
I think your husband is right, creating a life IS a mystery, and yes, it might take some time before it happens for you. But it WILL happen, of that I feel confident. It seldom happens when we want it to happen, and missing one is right, its hard to be patient when you're waiting for something like this.
sending you so much love - my computer time has been so limited, but that doesn't mean I have stopped thinking about you and sending you major fertility vibes!
I am sorry. And I agree with Matt. It's not as much like falling off a log as we might sometimes wish.
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